I guess.... there is something about closet cleaning that makes you wistful no? There are things you would like to forget and some that you wonder how the hell did you forget!

Like when I saw my diary from college times... I wondered.. how can I be so forgetful.. I mean the only thing I remember is ranting in my diary.. I have also written some opinions and some small part of fiction too.. ofcourse its no where near to what I write now.. not that now I write really well.. but this is worse than my current standard.. but I guess my first piece of fiction .. no its not a story .. its simply a writeup..

I am so tempted to paste few of the lines in random.. hope you enjoy it as much as I did ....

Ummm I just came across the phrase "With selfishly thirsty love" and fell in love with it.. I wonder where I got this phrase from!

Or the quote...

Emotions are unreasonable so are men.. ** couldnt help but laugh when I read this one**

Or Death can be overcomed by the power of resurrection ** I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote this**

And now...

Deep in the wilderness, somewhere, whence no one ever stepped, bloomed a flower quietly.. soft and beautiful.. In the open air it danced, with the recalcitrant wind, unrestrained it played with the butterflies and the bees...

Away, Away from all the world, from the dreary routineness and worries of future, stood a flower, proud in itself, proud of its bearing, for it held a secret, A dream, cherished by many .. desired all through the universe.. and yet she held it in her bosom, close to heart. A secret that lay in wait, to be disclosed. A truth that was innocent, untainted by the worldly influences...

It is not known if this dream would ever come true, if this secret will be ever disclosed.. and yet, this dainty flower sways with the breeze.. dances with the leaves.. uncaring .. almost with open abandon so much like a child.. She knows its but matter of time.. the sun will set and she will wither away.. or a strong gust of wind might tear her away from her home.. towards the unknown.. and yet she doesn't let it mar her present.... the future has to just wait.. in future...


I so wish I had a time machine to go back and to find out what was on my mind when I wrote this.. who did I base this metaphor on? Me ? Alas.. I don't remember!

Ah and an entry about some book that I read.. too bad I haven't mentioned the name.. and on the margin.. i tried to figure out the spelling for 'psychiatrist'!

Or the way I described the last outing I had with my college friends....

It was as if all the ideas and dreams are coming together to form a new tomorrow.. I am heartened and feel as optimistic as I can be under circumstances..

And it was difficult! That phase has passed now.. and still its so nice to know that I did feel optimistic and never lost hope isn't it ?

And the last entry is on 29th July 2005...

Why is it so hard to leave old known world and come to a new place?

Just before we moved to Bangalore from Mumbai, for good....


Oh yes.. and I prayed.. I prayed so hard.. most of my entries are addressed to "God" asking for help.. God help me concentrate.. I feel no motivation to study.. its just 10 days for exam and I havent started anything yet..

And I am glad that I have also thanked God.. time and again.. for being so merciful and setting the paper so easy :) and for many other bounties

The joy that I felt on my birthday in Jan 2005.. which was ultra special.. or the sheer effusiveness with which I described my school... I just have to share that...

Today I visited my old school. I never really felt like going back but when I did, now I feel like am inside a brand new school! So much has changed. How different.. yet so familiar too.. the shop in the back where we brought chocolates and stuff was still the same.. so was my favorite corner by the "tank" where I dreamed about writing poems.. and wrote some songs too... [If only I had sense to preserve them.. My best friend from school has it.. even now.. isnt that really sweet? Too bad we are out of touch now! ]...

I still remember where my class was.. where the science lab was.. its delightful to know that its still in the same location! I feel like kissing the very walls of this structure.. Like screaming out loud.. Ah I am a part of this legacy .. the product of this school.. How strange! I never thought I am sentimental.....

P.S: Even then I tended to delude myself that I am not emotional ;)



Well thats it! I haven't written any diary since I came to Bangalore.. I guess blogging took its place :)