meena iyer
*contrite* And for no reason at all.. It was my birthday :) And well initially I didn't pick up the calls coz I was asleep.. and later coz I was in no mood to pick up the phone and talk.. I had nothing to say about my plans for my birthday.. We did nothing special.. though my sister did try to make "payasam" but incidentally that "burned" for she got late.. I asked her to do nothing special.. just a simple meal.. I hoped that we all would eat together.. but it was not to be.. as I said she was late to office so she didn't have her lunch.. and I had to finish cooking.. and me n dad had food.. I was upset that the payasam got burnt.. Oh yeah I scolded my sister.. why did u have to make it? now that this vessel is burnt I have to clean it up.. stupid really.. I knew it was stupid even when I said that.. but I still did.. I upset her :(

If that wasn't enough.. our neighbors.. really sweet of them.. but well they brought the usual sankranti sweets to offer.. and as usual.. we didnt bother to make any! And that bugged me! I mean as years pass by we seem to celebrate lesser and lesser.. Earlier sankranti used to be so much fun! It meant pongal and til gul ( laddoos made of sesseme ) And it meant sugar cane.. It meant pujas.. though I am not a religious person.. but I love the feel of it.. of agarbattis burning and flowers around.. and well quaint way in which dad wud say "pongalo pongal" before we lit the cooker on which shoots of turmeric would be tied with sun made out.. in kumkum.. it is a silly custom.. but it was fun.. And years after mom died.. we slowly but surely forgot these customs.. initially it was painful to remember.. and later.. we had no clue how to start.. so we made new customs.. We forgot about the puja part.. but always made good food and we laughed and had food together.. and nowadays that trend seem to be dying too.. I dunno who is to blame..

Is it dad with his total indifference to the world.. the way he kind of has taken a back seat and let us take the reigns?

Or is it our weird lifestyle wherein we sleep in the day and work in the night?

Or is it more deep rooted wherein.. we are no longer thinking as a 'family' ?

Well whatever it is.. no I am not upset.. I just didn't wan't to celebrate my bday.. So I didn't take calls.. anybody's after I woke up in the evening..

But in the night.. in office.. we had ourselves a nice little party.. funded by me yes.. but it was long overdue.. Most of my colleagues have given a party on many occasions.. I kept planning I would.. but somehow never did.. so this time I planned that I just have to! And it was fun...

We had food and we joked around until the calls started pouring in.. the usual work day/night commenced :)

I donno how to describe this feeling.. its not hurt or feeling let down.. it is just plain indifference.. i just dont care anymore!