Days seem to pass away so soon. Once I wake up, like a robot I go through the routine. But as the shadows increase in length.. I give up...I know not what to do with myself....

Empty house.. empty bed.. shifting shadows of lifeless TV... cacophonied silence.. many a times I mute the sound.. for I don't listen anyways... it wasn't always this way.. was it?


Traversing the guilty roads of past
Bludgeoned by regret and memories
Why didn't it last ?


Brightness filled these rooms once.. even in the dark.. remember the countless candles we burnt? or your eyes were enough for me.. nowadays even moon shies away.. hides behind the clouds...

And I listless, wait.. for something to happen... A honk of car... a whispered song.. clinking of keys.. I wait immobile .. as if , If i don't move.. will myself long enough, to stay still.... time would stop too.. or may be those gods of my childhood will listen to my unuttered prayers... I don't know when I stop.. may be when fireflies start dancing besides the closed windows.. I hate opening them.. the fragrance of raat rani.. reminds me of our bed.. soft and lush with petals.. and your touch.. softer than the softest of a petal... That set fire in my veins... It still does.. in my dreams... but you are not there.. is that why I don't sleep?

Long after the birds are asleep
Long after the moon hides
behind the cloud
Long after the frog sleeps,
beneath the shroud

I wonder if you think of me

Do you? May be you don't find time anymore... may be lost in someone else's arms... the night still makes you drunk.. am drunk too.. but I no longer heed.. The curtains are all shut and lights "ON" in every room.. then why does it seem dark to me? must be the reflection of my eyes..

I don't peep in mirrors nowadays... The mirrors in your eyes spoiled me for life.. Remember the hours we spent just gazing... your eyes.. marked every part of me.. soon your hands and curious tongue followed... you said you want to know how I tasted... and said that I tasted sweet as honey.. tasted like love......

Does she taste the same too? does she know about all our little secrets? like that mole at the nape of your neck? or the one just below the hem line of your hair?

May be someday, when she sleeps, secure in her dreams.. and you feel sleepless... Would you think of those countless nights that we stayed awake just to greet the crack of dawn?

Naked as new born babies.. entwined with each other.. bathed in the moonlight... in sultry summer nights.. or was it our passion that made us sweat? Sweet fragrance of night and our love mingled together.... heady....

Cold wintry nights... huddled together in a single blanket... tongues playing games.. and that ice cold dance in the nightly rain... tingling senses... mind blowing kisses... Would you remember ?

Ever???

Just may be?

When did the sweet nothings turned to nothing at all? why didn't we fight like the usual couples? what was it that I couldn't give?

Sometimes I ask questions to the wall.. thinking you are here to reply..

In silence I seek answers
For questions unformed
Is it any wonder
that Silence is all i get ?

This silence kills me slowly... as if telling me.. Ha! loser.. what are you doing here? statue you are.. like us all ....... lifeless.. why r u still alive then?

I still wait for your phone call.. what do they know what is pleasure.. when they have not experienced pain?

Ah finally it happened.. Seemingly after ages.. a bell rung.. impatiently.. I know its you.. my senses heightened.. waiting for your hug .....don't you have the key?

there it is the familiar clink of keys.. I see you have entered.. but is this a dream?

' I have come to collect my things. This is the divorce papers. I need it signed.. We plan to marry next month. She's pregnant' your voice a dead pan whisper!

I don't understand.. Is this you who is talking? you were not supposed to be real.. not after all those months.. you were to be an illusion... That disappears into sweet nothingness when I try to touch ...

And then I heard.. "She is pregnant"

I knew then.. It is no dream.. and that...I had lost finally.. utterly... no illusions left.. without a fight.. without a choice... Marked by nature.... 'Barren'
What do I do now? How do I live?

My womb jeered at me.. all hail the mother of nobody... So did your back that said adieu my friend.. though you didn't have the courtesy to say so... you left in silence.... never ever turning around.. while I waited mute... still... Frozen finally as my heart desired... Motionless..

Still no gods came that day.. after all the childhood gods were fake anyways..
Stood there in an agony that my senses were not able to convey.. they chose to hide behind numbness... How long? What does it matter? Does time make sense when you don't live?

I didn't shed a tear that day.. not a single one...they had all already run dry...

I let my heart cry ......

Little drops of crimson colored our bed.. like those rose petals you loved...

I became a mannequin in the world of dreams... in this museum of lost love I forever remain...


lovingly yours..

Like mannequin I stayed
While my love
....... wasted away