We had this issue with one of the organization which provides coaching.. for around a month. My sister had registered a month before online. However, she didnt receive any correspondence from them to that effect. for days together we kept calling them, they kept asking us to call either after some days/hours or to a different person. or the most irritating thing! they put us on hold the moment they heard our voice...

Doing that for a month.. finally I decided to take things in my hands... From a different mobile I called them and said that I am calling from Bangalore Police department and that I am investigating financial fraud.. and guess what ??

We talked to the concerned official within 2 min and not only that.. the issue is on the way to resolution...

No prizes for this :)

These assholes.. bozoes who dont want to work have made me tell a lie.. which I generally dont tell.. and yet fooling them makes me feel amazing!

yep telling lie did sound amazing!

Ah well.. alls well that ends well :)

But it was fun!

So next time if anyone says.. would you lie??

My answer is MOST Definitely!

Dearest,

As if you are ever going to read this! Like so many other letters untitled unposted and unread... this too is added to them....one more in the pile of broken dreams...

Why do you make my heart beat rise? why is it that I ache when you do and am happy when you are? why?

Why is it that I want all that you want for yourself? when you feel blue.. feel down I wanna hug you!

Why is it hard for me to let go.... to say good bye, and yet in my lips is an ever fake smile? all set all bright just for you?
When my heart just want to cry?
In the mountain of shattered illusions, I add a brick more... why does this make my heart sore?

So many unformed questions... waiting to burst... how can I explain this thirst.. to drown in every part of you?

Every little word.. every little thought collected... and stored lovingly... something I hold on to!
every joy.. every sorrow.. imprinted in my heart!

why is it that while all i wanna say is I love you

we end up discussing rest of the crowd?

Only to realize I am not the only one.. who fawn on you!
but may be.. am the only one.. who wont even try.. to leave a mark.. in your life

Would that make me special?

COz i want... to be special.. just for you!

From .
The ever present me!

Finally! seems stupid but i always wanted to be.. I love them!


I am: a witness to others life... sometimes I wonder if i exist..

I think: a lot sometimes and lot less many times

I know: something.. not everything just something

I want: to travel, to read loads of books.. own my own beach side villa.. if i can swing it.. i would love to own a beautiful island..

I have: loads of dreams

I wish: I would start doing something and stop waiting for something to happen

I hate: being called a liar

I miss: being innocent and open like in childhood

I fear: being rejected

I feel: happy near to nature.. esp the sea

I hear: song from zindagi rocks... right now

I smell: green grass, wet parched mud when it rains

I crave: to be accepted.

I search: for a place to be called my own

I wonder: if this moment was extended like that.......

I regret: many things in life...

I love: clouds, moon, rains, sea, waves... nature in short

I ache: Yes i do. many a times though... I cant name it,... cant give reason why

I am not: uncomplicated and sweet

I dance: in the rain mostly when no one is watching...

I sing: all the time.. if not with mouth then in my mind.. some song always reverberates...

I cry: On lonely nights, for no reason at all

I dont always: know what I need or say what i feel..

I fight: when it cannot be avoided

I write: many imaginary stories in my mind.. its second nature..

I win: people's smile :) most of the time

I lose: track of time period.

I never: let people down if i can help it

I always: end up being late to places.. i tend to tarry along

I confuse: people easily if I want to

I listen: to sound of silence in the dead of the night

I can usually be found: Reading a book in the loo. I hate sitting there doing nothing

I need: attention. lots of it

I am happy about: the way I write

I imagine: I imagine how things can be given a situation.. in all permutations n combinations...

I tag: Ishaan, Neeru, Floey, Prachi,Vishal , Pramod I donno if he will accept.. but I tag Ravi too

Erm.. though I am eternal romantic.. I never ever write about it.. other than cheesy stories that are never completed.. Or may be in poems... or may b just like that a dream or so.. nothing concrete.. But one of my blogger friend (here) wrote about it and somehow inspired me to think about writing something about it... as it is I really dont have to think about love.. its always on my mind.. in an abstract form ofcourse..

although I claim I am in love... I never know if I really am... It started when i was around 12 and till now it confuses me... My feelings i mean .. not love.. One thing I am not sure of.. how can one b sure that he/she is in love? What tells them? I know I know... if you ever stumbled upon the she series (here) you would think by now I wud b veteran in matters of love.. but alas.. it is not so!

Now time and again I think that love is an emotion that humans have in abundance and yet we fall short of it always.. may b the marketing executive in us know that as long as there is no demand they wont b valued.. so love is so hyped that each one of us seek it... alas the elusive love.. cannot b seeked until given.. but who is a stupid business man to give before u can take??

So u dont give love and u never get love .. isnt it?

Even if we give love.. n we get it back.. love is not a easy ... like fluber in some sci fi film.. of robin williams... keeps changing forms... and we being fallible humans stubborn fools dont change with it... and yes... no surprose we crash.... not many of our hearts survive the break.. either we become extremely cynical saying love is piece of shit... or we become bad ppl(read boy /girl) replacing sex for love...

How important is sex in love... is platonic love possible? definitely possible.. only it cannot culminate into marriage... the love that poets wax on and on about is all about sex.. and some more..

I mean sex can pleasure without love and love can exist without sex... but when it is about 2 ppl who want to spend their life together.. love n sex has to go together.. else it cannot survive!

Erm.. I lost the thread of my thought now.. totally out synced! so here I rest until next time :)

Mtv has come with a new reality show ... "splitzville"

So whats special about this new reality show??? 20 women compete to win attention of two adonis lookalike( *pukes*) men... erm boys!

Objectification of female to ultimate... the guy says dance on the table.. she does.. 'jo hukkum mere aaka'

Reminds you harem? Ofcourse this sucks! But then these females willingly agreed to be so...

So is it not free will? To break all the set constraints and think about what you wanna be.. feminism?

so should we say kudos that these females choose to be servile.. in all their senses?

After all to each his own..

And its all about fame.. money and SEX................

" Life"... he said, clearing his throat again...
"Life is a journey that no one can ever avoid.. We, the travelers of eternal sea , are bound to sail whether we like it or not! On the way, we think we are in control we hold the steer.. but any seasoned captain would let you know that.. how one is at mercy of the sea.. out in the middle of the ocean.. nothing can protect us.. nothing else matters.. not position.. not money nothing.. just human strength and yes proud sails... These moments are when we actually live.. in utter nakedness.. we live pure.. and we live hard! And we live utterly vulnerable...

You may wanna disregard this as utter hogwash , you the new age scientific thinker.. you feel that "my life is in my hands... I decide my fate by my choices".. I have only thing to say to you.. are you really being scientific? What facts do you have to prove this? What experiment did you do ?

Lets take a scientific route that we all know... Lets equate your will power to force... If we place you in vacuum isolated.. your will power might be your destiny .. however, in practical context you are affected by will power of everyone you come in contact with.. you are abetted as well as undermined... so the willpower is collective willpower... You don't have you agree to this..." he said with a smile to a guy who seemed about to interrupt.

He continued, " We have had this discussion too many times. You argue that this interference can be considered just noise and cancelled out.. but without any constant intensity or constant amount of noise how can you remove it ? Laws of nature my friend.. is not much different from laws of physics.. infact physics derives it from nature.. so if there are any contradictions.. its we who have erred not nature!....."

He was talking to his star student, Auryn. They were sitting in a smoky old timer cafe. Most were used to their argument no one noticed.. i.e no one but Anwesha.. She was all ears.. She had a decision to make.. and .. she didnt have much time to know this guy.. This guy with silken white hair.. kind smiling eyes.. and who was looking fondly at Auryn.. He, Prof. Parijat Dey..... She had decided.. She will not approach him, ever! .. It was stupid to have second thoughts!

She felt a wave of revulsion for this man.. and underneath somewhere was a wish of a young girl.. to be loved .. She felt pure envy for that guy.. this look was for her.. and here she is .. sitting away like a thief looking for dribble of attention.. enjoying conversations that was hers by right! She felt betrayed!! Never again she decided! Never ever again!

Few weeks later,

" Hello ?? Prof. Dey ?", said someone in the telephone.
"Yes?"
" You are in danger! You have to leave you house now!", she said urgently. It was a female caller

" What do you mean ?"

" We dont have time to argue. Believe me.. please leave now!!! there is going to be a fire!"

" But???!!! ... Erm.. Who are you ?"

" Someone who loves and admires you a lot! I will explain later! please leave"


Before he could reply or ask further questions, the call got cut. And the smoke alarm started ringing. He ran outside the house.. there was a huge uproar with firemen and police everyone rushing in people in the apartment running out.. In the confusion he forgot all about the call.

The police found that it was a hoax. False alarm.. a naughty prank they said.. They suspected may be at this old foggy has gone senile and was trying to get attention.. he had no family and was bound to feel lonely.

He tried to tell them about the call.. but no records were found.

Then for long no call came. Professor forgot all about the call and became busy with lectures and et al. Our professor was very famous writer and a stellar orator.. when he explained everyone listened .. from the gate keeper to the guests on th dais.. and everyone understood..

Six months later, again, in the hotel room, in Brussels,

" Hello! prof! remember me?"
" I am sorry I don't recollect you"
"No wonder, its been six months.. So hows life?"
" Its been good. May I know your name and which batch you were from?May be I will remember you ?"
" I was not your student sir."
" Then ?? I am afraid i dont understand why you are calling ? Were you at the lecture?"
" No. Save it for those who want to hear it. I wanted to inform you that there is bomb in your room. Please get out"
" Oh! now I remember you! Tell me who you are! Why are you doing this?"
" Doing what ? helping you ? Coz I have a dad!" was her cryptic reply and she cut the phone.

She somehow seemed angry but she wanted to save him.. and he had no idea who she was. He called police and told them about her. They found a bomb indeed.. It was an amateur affair.. with mobile batteries and wires.. these were easily available.. but the curious thing was.. it wasnt set to explode at all.

They contacted his local police during investigation and as police do discussed the old case and decided the local police were right and closed the case. Professor felt humiliated but he had nothing to show. Even though the call had come through the switch board there was no record! The telephone engineer told him that this is not possible at all.

Since then things started to deteriorate.. the calls became frequent but short.. it was no longer pranks.. just talks.. sometimes just sighs and grunts.. he never had any records.. he changed his number.. unlisted it.. gave it to no one.. not even Auryn. Still she called.. wispy voice ... murmuring in absolute stillness... Then calls came every night .. just routine calls.. they every few hours... no one heard anything but him.. no records were ever found..

And then he started to black out... missed appointments... soon he was avoided and refuted as senile old man.. All his achievements forgotten.. he had become the laughing stock for one and everyone..

And then the black outs became worse.. he found himself in weird places... that too deep within the slum.. once he found himself sleeping in the pig sty.. it was so stinky.. and he so fastidious! He vomited at the sight of it.. how could he sleep there?

Then the ultimate thing happened... he slept with his dead dog... his buddy! Drenched in his blood! his beautiful beautiful dog! And she called again... She kept laughing... not maniacally.. but in genuine humor.. infectious youthful and perfectly happy laugh.. and it kept echoing in his mind... again and again.. He lost it.. went out nude screaming at the top of his voice.. whatever remained of his respect was all lost.. and with that his sanity too..

At the inquisition.. no one had any doubts professor lost it... Not even the professor.. He kept repeating to himself... there were no records .. no facts.. but she called .. thats a fact too... premises.. check them.. nature can't be wrong! He was sent to the mental Asylum temporarily.. But everyone knew.. it was just an formality.. he wont ever be a free man again..

Anwesha saw everything... She waited till everyone left.. She wanted to gloat.. but it seemed hollow somehow.. she felt pity.. not the usual pity we feel for the man on the road.. but gut wrenching pity that made you puke.. until she saw him.. Auryn.. the only guy who was mourning.. and all her resentment everything returned... she felt the sweet taste of revenge.. Ah the technology.. a duplicate SIM, a jammer and a mobile transreceiver, and her job was done. So neat.. and no one would ever come to know...

Mom.. I avenged you today.. finally.. I wish you were here to see..

There was one final thing left to do...As she had promised, Anwesha put her mom's ashes in ganges . She had waited for 2 years to accomplish what she wanted.. and now her purpose was fulfilled.. She was finally free to mourn for her mom who also was her dad.. She decided now was the time to read that letter.. The final legacy.. That final email that she never could read.. She had tried many times but guilt never let her touch it.. She wasn't there when mom needed her..When she had called!... Anwesha had been high strung and angry.. angry over some petty thing that seemed so important then...
She read , as tears spilled from her eyes.

Darling Anvu,

This is very hard for me to write. I have something important to share with you.. I wanted to do it personally atleast over the phone... However, I understand your anger.. I was once you age.. how beautiful youth is and how idealistic.. I was too.. I wish I wasn't...

There is no easy way to say this.. to cushion this.. I so wish I could.. I wanted to take this secret to my grave.. and now that am about to die.. and infinitely wise.. If i could say.. I cannot cheat you so thoroughly..

I was stupid.. really stupid.. hope you can manage to forgive this mother of yours after reading this...

Dear, your father didnt cheat me... We had a fight.. stupid fight over ideology.. and.. I got angry.. it was me who had one night stand.. whom you saw in that corridor.. it was dark.. and I was afraid.. stupid and afraid enough to lie.. to leave the only thing that was best in my life....

He tried to reason with me.. I didnt listen.. my lie giving me strength to do something that truth would never have ever given.. It was a different time dear.. I could have never lived it.. really.. He knew.. and he.. and he understood..

He let me go.. that was his love.. but in my stupid pride... I had dreamt that he would fall to my knees to take me back.. and I would be triumphed... but he didnt.. I had hurt him too much... he did ask for visiting you.. I refused always.. then he stopped even that...

I really wanna tell you one thing dear, I love you so! Please please do forgive me...

Your stupid mom
love,
Isha...

Anwesha Dey nee Mujumdar then started to mourn for the father she never knew.. for the father she sent to insanity.. the father whom her mother sentenced to a life of loneliness.. like mother like daughter indeed.. cliched.. but true.. her last thought was. that her Dad was right.. Laws of nature are same as laws of physics... and Every action had an equal and opposite reaction..

They found her body next day in the morning.. drenched with blood.. she was dead for 16 hours.. It was a suicide.. motive undetermined...

Life.. is full of so many twisted turns and detours.. sometimes we have no idea about where we are going.. and sometimes we do.. we survive the times when we don't know which way we are going and when winds are in our direction we are termed successful.. if not then atleast strong.. there seems to be a premise for that ofcourse.. but can we really rule out fate completely?

We say "vinasha kaale vipreeta buddhi" when things go wrong.. a very simple way to kill the guilt.. to transfer the blame to this unknown entity.. Fate... how ever.. when things work out fine.. its all due to our dedication and hardwork... Has anyone ever wondered that may be this fate decided to smile on them just might be the reason they thought in the right direction??

Have you ever wondered how some event that seems to be of no consequence.. inane even.. so much so that we don't give those moments any time in our thoughts... And yet sometimes.. such moments change our life so irrevocably that we keep reeling ... and try as we may.. we find it hard to make peace with it... Life goes on obviously.. but the old comfortable patterns can never ever be re-mapped..


It was her 16th birthday...Suchitra was in seventh heaven.. after months of cajoling.. she finally got a brand new computer.. she doesnt have to share with dad or her siblings *yay!!!* She had invited her girlfriends home..and for hours together she gloated about it.. they had a slumber party and everyone were crashing in her room for the night...

Late in the night these young kids, feeling reckless and curious decided to login to a chat room....

Created a new login : cute_smart_girlie

The moment they logged in.. they got just too many responses... asl pls? wanna chat hottie?? want cyber sex?

They freaked out and closed the chat room.. closed all the windows... Soon gigling together.. they logged again.. this time.. as invisible.... As soon as they logged in they saw an offliner from a id: smart_alec

smart_alec: Hi :)

After some deliberation.. they decided to reply..

cute_smart_girlie : hi :)
smart_alec: ASL please?

They didnt know what asl meant... So after much deliberation Suchitra typed
cute_smart_girlie : Whats yours?
smart_alec: First time is it?

They didnt know what to reply.. got scared suddenly like girls generally get... so decided to log off

Few days passed and the novelty of having a computer wore out... It was a slow Sunday summer night... Suchitra couldn't sleep... She decided to login to the chat and see just for fun.. all alone...

The moment she logged in.. she saw a lot of offliner from smart_alec...

smart_alec: Hey you there??
smart_alec: I am from mumbai 25 year old male
smart_alec: what about you?
smart_alec: Okay seems you logged out... good night

Somehow for fun she replied to him.. but she lied to him....

cute_smart_girlie : Am from mumbai too.. a female obviously... and am 21 years old
smart_alec: Oh great you are here! I was hoping you would.. been waiting for it infact...

Since that day it became their daily ritual.. they chatted the night away... and soon enough even during the day..

Soon enough the chats left the boundaries of acceptable and went far beyond...

smart_alec: What are you wearing today?
cute_smart_girlie : Red night suit.. satin one...
smart_alec: Must be sexy... Can I see you? give me your pic?
cute_smart_girlie : I don't have any... not even webcam
smart_alec: alright no issues...
cute_smart_girlie : And yours?
smart_alec: when you show urs ...


Two years had passed by.. they had exchanged love.. mushy talks.. Suchitra felt like she is very mature... and smart alec.. she made him feel young again.. for you see he wasn't 25.. but 45....

Midlife crisis and uninspiring workplace.. made him long for his college times... he just wanted to catch the glimpse of those times... and internet helped him... but somehow he had fallen for this girl online

He wanted to meet this girl just once.. god how much she filled his dreams! He started asking for her pic every other day..

smart_alec: I find it hard to imagine you in my dreams... A man should atleast be able to dream right? I want to do such delicious things to you! If only you her

Suchitra was scared.. didnt know what to do.. he was soo exciting.. but so dangerous.. couldnt resisit it...

She googled a pic and sent it to him...

smart_alec: You made my day dearie


Since the day she sent him the pic... his imagination worked over time.. his libodo and his mind in tandem made him go insane... he couldn't control himself... all they ever talked about was meeting.. and him kissing her.. all he thought was of getting her in his bed...

cute_smart_girlie : Its my birthday today
smart_alec: Lets meet

Suchitra spent few agonizing week.. she didnt know what to say... And she wanted to meet him.....

cute_smart_girlie : I want you to know.. I have not been truthful to you... am not 21 year old...
smart_alec: Me too! Am not 25...

cute_smart_girlie : Two pea of same pod aren't we?
smart_alec: Oh yeah honey! We belong together
smart_alec: So... do we meet then?
cute_smart_girlie : Am scared to... what if you dont like me?
smart_alec: Come on honey! Scared of your teddy bear?

So they decided to meet...


Dear diary,
Tomorrow am going to meet teddy bear. We have decided to meet at gateway of India.. from there we are going to Hotel Taj! Can you imagine??? Am so excited! I dunno what to wear.. how can I look sexy for him?? All my clothes are just soo teenage girl types! I dunno what to tell to mom.. but i will figure something out.. I always do...

Am too giddy to write more.. will update you tomorrow...

Bye!

The next day , Suchitra was very excited! In the morning she checked the email...

Hey sexy!

So we finally meet today! don't know how am going to keep my hands off you... But I promize i will behave... Sorry dear i cannot meet you at GOI please come to TAJ na?
Room no 301... tell the receptionist you are meeting your uncle... and your name is Tanya okay? They are expecting you!
*hugs and kisses*
Love you,
Your teddy bear!

In the afternoon as decided, she went to the hotel room and was waiting for him.. after around 45 min the door opened.. and...

Daddy!!!!!!

Things never were same again!

He is the least talked about person in my life and yet someone who can make me go all smiles just with a glance and yes all tears too ...

My dad... he is just too cute!

I mean figure this.. everyday when I go home.. thats when he has his dinner.. that is at 11 pm..
He wants to have food with me...
Yesterday.. he said he didnt want food coz he felt there is not enough left for me.. and he didnt want me to cook again.. I mean thats stupid ofcourse.. it hardly takes 20 min to cook rice!

But the gesture is soooo sweet! I mean he still cares for us.. keeps a look out for us.. I couldnt help but smile :)

I still remember my first day in hostel.. that day evening infact.. there were tears in his eyes.. leaving his darling daughters in hands of strangers.. in a place where he is not even let in.. I couldnt understand it then.. but today in retrospect.. i feel how heavy his heart may be...

I wouldnt say that we' ve got the the best possible childhood.. but I can say for sure that we were loved very much.. thats a legacy that our parents gave us...

We werent spoiled.. have had a lot slaps n lashes too.. we were just too high spirited for our won good.. but well we do have the right foundation :D :D

And thats coz of my dad..

If i look right back to childhood.. to find forgotten memories... I can remember countless outing to restaurants on the sly...

Eating lot of fruits.. even as a kid.. between outselves.. we all could eat 1 dozen of bananas... really..

Though we are fat and all.. we have never ever fallen really sick...

Dad would always help mom to make sweets.. in diwali.. it always was a big family event.. we all would make sweets snacks everything .. Dad never shirked it as a girly work or anything...

When mom would be late.. he would cook too wash clothes for her.. till today he washes his clothes himself.. albeit in washing machine obviously...

When my mom died... he did all the cooking everything...

I know this is coming out like pieces just heaped togather.. but thats how I am feeling.. trying to find those incidences... Should I talk about the late night carrom games?

Or should I talk about the never ending stories... he really had the flair.. I wont bore you with the stories of learning grammar when we were just 9... we didnt appreciate it.. but later on in school I found that I was way ahead of them.. when rest of them couldnt really read properly.. I could not only read but understand what was in the book...

I think my idea of feminism.. my flair for language and numbers * which is truly jaded right now* is from him..

I know nowadays I am really slack about grammar and all.. but believe me.. I can really write without errors too..

*sigh*

Should I talk about the time when in summer foolishness we decided to work.. and took some menial job like aligning 100 sets of those "tickly" packets for which we would get 25 rupees.. but erm end up losing them and had to pay 50 rupees...

Dad didnt say a word for that.. he somehow understood our need to be independent.. but ofcourse we ourselves didnt.. Ofcourse there r more such stories..

Like when we bunked school and got caught.. or when we stole money from house..

Oh yeah did it all.. and they stood by us all the time.. let us find our own way..and today.. I know he is proud of what we are...

There was once.. I got just 35/100 in maths.. just managed to pass.. the reason was.... well coz my pen didnt work properly.. and i was so shy that I wont ask anyone.. so i didnt write.. to top it all.. i tried to cheat the teacher.. I did get caught coz.. the teacher knew i am good.. and my marks surprised her..

My dad had come to meet the principal.. ofcourse... he was just there.. talked to them.. and then when we came back.. he just said... This shouldnt happen again.. and lol even today.. I cant stand cheating anyone...

My dad is an idealist.. and I in manyy respect am like him...

Am proud to be that really!

*sigh*

Am not sure if this makes sense... but my dad always been a role model for me.. for all the good as well as bad things...

I just love him and our life always revolves around him :)

What better can be a testimonial of how special he was tht when my mom died.. she wanted him to be with her.. only him :)