I lost control again. I had promised myself i wudnt.. I wonder why i am not disciplined enough..

I know what i shud do... i shudnt let the hurt be buried.. they need to be scrapped and cleaned.... trying to keep it down.. is something thats festering the wound not letting them heal through the natural process. The anger still hasnt found its outlet....

May be it never would....

I had chat with 2 ppl abt intution.. may be i will talk abt it later..

The discussion was in conjunction with my new dp// the swan.....

My friend asked me.. y i chose the dp.. i hardly knew y... it seemed right..

But as the day passed by i knew y..

Coz i am like a swan.. i look very calm n collected... easy to smile easier to laugh... but

Deep inside there are lotsa stuff going on.. it hides my struggle to stay afloat ..


I hae pasted this poem in my orkut profile.. somehow this seems to be me too:


Like the last leaf on a windy Autumn day
I hang on, fragile but courageously
Waiting for the day to come
When the wind will stop blowing
So that I can be at peace

At peace with myself and everything around me
At peace with the world and all that it bears
Hanging onto a hope that is based on dreams
Hoping that my dream of surviving all adversity
Will finally be realized

But alas the wind is too strong
And like all other leaves before me
I begin to sing , so long

Sad and lost filled with despair
No one to comfort me
No one to care
No one to say, hang in there, be strong
So I’ll whisper my good-byes, and sing
My swan's song