Yeah thats right.. I am juss too tired to think of a relevant topic name. No this is not a normal rant. This is an protest against a stupid tamil serial's stewpid episode's content.


I never ever watch TV often and if i do watching a tamil serial is rare as in once in red/blue moon... And today of all the things i watched a snippet of it. This goes this way

Gal: i know u will leave me. I know u r finding reasons to leave me. I knew it when u even asked me that u will leave me

Guy: What the heck! how can u make joke of my love? U kick me u scold me.. do anyfin but never question my love

*utter crap*

They go on this thing many times.. and then the guy is frustrated ..

Oh i forgot the venue. How can i. The venue is a normal temple wid a "some tree" :-S. This tree is a common occurance and the tree in which all that "thali" are kept dangling.. For non-tamil readers.. its a tree where a yellow thread wrapping a turmeric root is dangled. this stands as mangalsutra...

SO back to the story.. the guy drags the gal to the tree wid she protesting and then... and then SLAPS HER...

Can you believe it?? Slaps her and then ties the mangalsutra.. in front of ppl. And most ppl only say.. Ahem the pujari comes and says.. u have married in a nice muhurtham and puts flowers!

This is fucking heights! I mean these bozoes are showing that it is right for a guy to slap his wife.. his would be wife on TV!!!

And do we wonder why the abuse on women keeps increasing inspite of education???

ths is aired in evening.. i wanna ask all the parents.. is this what u want ur children to learn??


that its okay to hit a girl?? its okay to forcefully marry her without any care for family and et al???

Its a shame that the censor board never tried to remove this particualr scene!

Its violating the ethics if u show rape on screen like in bandit queen.. which actually happened.. but BUT BUT its okay/.... its okay when its shown in small screen in TV which every household sees. :

I am goddamn frigging bored!!!

I miss my online friends.. no one seems to be online when i ma.. when earlier atleast 3 of them wud be at any given point of the time :( :(

Well day was wonderful... One my orkut friend called me.... he is in bangalore.. shall meet in in few days i guess :)
and then met an other friend from orkut .. had a fun evening.. the night is a let down.... in my hurry i forgot to take any novel wid me.... its soo frigging boring!!!!

Most of the time.. i am very apprehensive if i hve to meet new faces.. online its different... but offline a lot of stuff comes into picture.. mainly subconsciously... Well but it did go very well..

I met one of my orkut friend today offline.. we didnt know really a lot abt each other although we knew of each other.. we had many common friends interacted a bit etc etc etc...

Well we talked for minimun 2 hours.. but how the time went i never knew.. we kept talking and it was widout effort.. Lets see how it goes from now :)

I look forward to many such conversations over a cuppa of coffee... I enjoyed this meet a lot..

Yeah truely.. It wasnt much of a perfect morning.. or if it was i wouldnt know i was busy sleeping !!!

I was supposed to be at i-volunteer office by 12 and i got up by 12:30 .. yeah the same ole story... all u need to see is my very first post and u wud know all abt this [:D]

Oh well... so.. i stumbled wid half open eyes in the i -volunteer office by 1:40 i think.. And guess what sumit was late [:P] *for valid reasons* still late than me :P.....

Well we were supposed to practice for the skit.. i had fun wid that.. not that I had a big part.. language is a big constraint Le sigh!!

So laughing and joking all the way we reached the garment factory we needed to go...

Oh dear me! I never told what we wre doing and why.. we were going to provide aids awareness to workers of garment factory :)

Oh well i did a miniscule part that could have been omitted.. but it was still fun.. we joked so much.. teased each other etc etc... It was a second college time :D :D

There a guy from AID india had come.. I liked what ever he spoke about i am interested bigtime :)

I visited the website if you would like to visit click here

They have so many projects that I hardly know where to start!

I think i am going to eat the head of the guy who was gulliable to give me the number :D
And then while coming back i got lift till jaynagar 7th blk :D :D . The lady i was travelling with was a social worker since long :) She gave me various tips and advice and i tole her i can design her website for free if she likes.. that would be a good project for me to try :D :D

I am excited.. lets see if she agrees.. All the three ladies from some mahila organisation who were co-ordinating were soo dynamic.. the lady i was talking abt was the family councelor.. I can see ppl easily opening up with her.. she has the charm of next door neighbour with warm heart.... every one knows some lady like that :)
There was a leader of the three who was soo dynamic on the podium.. like a politician she talked.. if i had better grasp of the language i would have liked it better.. and the third lady was the treasurer.. she was a different kind of a leader.. she took time to talk to every one.. from the general manager of the garments factory to me! :O she complimented me for my minuscule role !! Whoa!! to the lady who offered us tea at the ned of the seminar.. she made everyone feel special thats wonderful!!!

Now coming to the script itself.. we had brilliant actors really the good boy was/ is soo funny :)
He looked credible but still funny! And bad boy was a perfect bad boy.. his tone intonation.. seemed as if he really was a bad boy like the narrator says.. in the real life he is very good.. [:D]

Ahem coming to the narrator :) He is an awesome speaker.. he wasnt speaking to the ppl.. he was speaking with them.. thats the difference.. the way he was making ppl respond.. the humour the command.. it was a treat to watch... and lateron when i got to know more abt him and the bad boy.. ahem anand and shayish (hope the spelling is right) i felt all the more positive for them..

And there is this dynamic bundle of energy amit :) that guy is soo dedicated and soo confindent now that is something i wish i had.. such a powerful persona.. he is a kind of guy who would never be ignored :D

Wondering y no gals??? ofcourse there is!!

Let me talk abt the sweet lil gal (ahem y am i acting like a ole foggy?? she is only 2 years younger than me i believe or 3 thatss alll) well she is sweet and shy :)

I think i can be friends with her very well :) i teased her abt the kid soo much .. ahem the kid was a monkey wid a tail.. i teased her al the time and she was good sport abt it...
And there was quiet and yet outspoken Imal nice name isnt it???? it means help in malaysian :)

she was the doc in the skit... though she was doing it for the first time.. she did it so nice ly so comfortably!!!

it was a treat to watch her :)

I guess by and large it was a wonderful day until i reached home :((
Y does this happen?? y do i always have something bad wid good???

For starters.. i didnt get rick easily.. and thats when i remembered that i had office and it was 8:20!! my cab comes at 9-9:15.......
And all the auto waalas werent ready to come.. so i had to ask the guy that i shall pay 10 rupees extra.. finally home to see sis juss woke up and food wasnt prepared.. lucily i took shev puri home juss on the whim..

Le sigh reminds me of my mom sadly and suddenly i wanna cry :O :O
god knows y.. i am crying :( momma always used to bring things (may be coz.. she used to return around that time home ) we used to wait for her... to come and bring something.. fruits.. chocalates.. biscuits anything.. something!! all 4 of us will eat it togather have coffee and then she would cook and we wud do something!!

i am missing that right now acutely :O sometimes i am weird really !
To miss something that stopped being some 10 years back.. when i ddint miss it any day in the past i am missing it now??

Oh shoot thats not true! I waited i waited so many days.. i stopped myself thinking so many times... gazing at the gate.. thinking she will come right now.. ab 7:40 train aaya hai :(

Oww stupid me whats the use thinking abt it today? No use .. le sigh! so where was I.....

Yeah once i finished wid it and tried to go online the Airtel's server was down :O :O

So it was.. came to office.. ahem ahem my office computer broke!! i had to login to a diff computer and then i cant login to one tool...

Utilized that time talking to a very drunk vishal :P he he he
He is so cute when he is drunk :) well and thats abt it...

Oh well i forgot to add abt three most important person :D :D Sumit prarthana and Sunita :)

Prarthana and Sunita both are marathi i came to know :) and they both r sooo friendly!! Its so much fun to crack jokes wid prarthana and sunita is sweeet :) very very sweet.. she reminds me of someone but i dun know who!!

Imal is very much like princy :)

And sumit! as usual he is a fun to be with.. easy company no strings no ego down to earth!

Shoot i forgot rajesh!! Now that is one more bundle of energy.. very very sweet :)
He did a story on devdasis in karnataka.. so shameful
I mean even today devdasis exist thats sooo shamefull and the media instead of breaking such stories are busy tracking who kissed whom in the film world :d and the goddamn moral police spouting crap!!

why cant they work on such issues???

Well i am having some discussion with someone abt CSR.. would like to talk abt it some day.. i guess i shud dedicate one post to hiv awareness...

I lost control again. I had promised myself i wudnt.. I wonder why i am not disciplined enough..

I know what i shud do... i shudnt let the hurt be buried.. they need to be scrapped and cleaned.... trying to keep it down.. is something thats festering the wound not letting them heal through the natural process. The anger still hasnt found its outlet....

May be it never would....

I had chat with 2 ppl abt intution.. may be i will talk abt it later..

The discussion was in conjunction with my new dp// the swan.....

My friend asked me.. y i chose the dp.. i hardly knew y... it seemed right..

But as the day passed by i knew y..

Coz i am like a swan.. i look very calm n collected... easy to smile easier to laugh... but

Deep inside there are lotsa stuff going on.. it hides my struggle to stay afloat ..


I hae pasted this poem in my orkut profile.. somehow this seems to be me too:


Like the last leaf on a windy Autumn day
I hang on, fragile but courageously
Waiting for the day to come
When the wind will stop blowing
So that I can be at peace

At peace with myself and everything around me
At peace with the world and all that it bears
Hanging onto a hope that is based on dreams
Hoping that my dream of surviving all adversity
Will finally be realized

But alas the wind is too strong
And like all other leaves before me
I begin to sing , so long

Sad and lost filled with despair
No one to comfort me
No one to care
No one to say, hang in there, be strong
So I’ll whisper my good-byes, and sing
My swan's song

I am bigtime bored. Yeah. Hardly any work (Pssst dun tell my TL) and no one online :(. Never been this bored ever! I swear on my life (Easy thing to swear on)

After so many sombre posts.. I am in light mood. I wonder what I should type. I only have this need to blog. Wonder how I got hooked to it. I used to write.. yep write when I was angry. It was a solace to put all my thoughts on paper.. it used to clear my mind. Lately haven't felt the need. Now I write for pleasure. For the pleasure of reading what I like. Most may think me as pompus, but I actually love what I write. I love to read them in leisure. One more thing i have been thinking of doing since long.. read my conversations with others. Not all ofcourse. but some are worth going through again. I have had my best interesting conversations online :)

There are many things I haven't updated on my blog.. somehow I dont feel the compulsion to write about them...

There was a sad moment today.. I wish I can erase it from today.. but then that is wishful thinking.. surprisingly, I am not aching as I used to.. may be thats become a routine. May be i dun expect much from them anymore.. yes them.. the same ppl i was talking about in one of my other post.

I wish I cud be a different person than what I already am. I wish ppl won flatter me. Really do. Coz that scares me. : I dun know y but I never know how to handle compliments....

I wonder how i manage to give a lot of them compliments....
I have been acting like a kid.. asking ppl around to visit my blog and comment.. Stupid of me.. but i want ppl to praise my blog and when they do i dun take it well.. stupid me :P

My life is a roller coaster ride.. i never know waht my next step would be.. i ahve no plans no dreams nothing.. drifting like a leaf.. from place to place with the wind...

I have become so detached that mostly it doesnt matter that the ppl i consider close are not in contact.. doesnt matter at all that i havent talked to many for long...

If ppl are online i chat wid them.. if not i get bored.. but i miss no one.. and I am not glad of it.. even if it hurts missing is lot more better than listlessness that rules my life...

I no longer care for ppl genuinely.. i donot mean my friends.. I mean i used to be forever interested in helping strangers on orkut.. have listened to endless sob stories... Am no longer interested!

I hardly visit any such comm anymore. May be thats because I am involved in the real thingy!!

Its infinitely more satisfying :)

I am loving everything thats happening in my life.. Well not everything but most of it :)

Next month its my sister's birthday I am gonna gift her a gold ring.. its gonna be my secret.. If anyone wonders y i am posting here.. well my sister never visits my blog.. she never has!

We are so different in sensibilities.. like chalk and cheese! That is the root of our discord!

We want to do things togather but are sooo different that its mostly a disaster if not for both then one of us..

Lemme give an example..

I hate dawdling while shopping esp in crowded places.. I am a lot claustrophobic and smitha loves to check out everything.. esp in cosmetics section where you can try things for free..

I remember that day i was soo frustrated.. pissed yes.. but more frustrated... I cried :P

I was sooo tired and i had to go to office.. so i cried .. makes no sense.. but my tears never do :P


There are others.. smitha never likes fiction and i dun like non fiction : i dun mind her but she feels i waste money with the kind of books i read...

Y the heck am i writing those things here???

I dunno.. juss in mood of talking uninterrupted :P

I still wish my sister sometimes visit here and check my blog.. if for nothing than to check out what i actually think etc etc... I guess i am soo uninteresting for her coz i have always been vocal abt my thoughts.. ALways been voluble...

Who are you trying to kid?? You have a choice to stoically face the problems you have. Face it to best of your abilities or you have choice to complain and whine. You have choice to actively alliviate your circumstances or use it as an excuse to blame your failures.

If you didnt ever succeed its your responsibility.. not some external stimuli or other ppl. Obstacles comes in everyone's life.. what set apart the successful ppl is that they dont waste time cribbing.. they are busy finding ways to sumount the obstacles.

GUILT is a big pain in the ass! Why the heck should you be guilty about anything?? If considering all the facts, you have taken the best decision and have decided to stick to it... you shouldnt feel guilty. Coz guilt kills you from inside and leaves you hollow and weak...

I guess thats it for today!

As usual, I was looking forward to another post. But this post's needs were pressing.....

Well there are somethings.... some people who are hard to let go.. no matter what. You try hard but you fail... Doesnt mean you cling to them.. its not ur style.. on the outside you have distanced yourself from them.. on the inside you still think abt them.. u resist the urge to call them.. and then you call.. you wait for them to return the call like eternity.. if they r on orkut/messenger etc etc.. u try hard to keep a track on them.. as in when they come online when they don't whom have they recently scrapped etc etc.. When they havent scrapped you.. u feel let down.. u feel sad that a 3rd person is more important than you..

You can hardly do anything... u supress the urge to scrap and let them know.. how hurt you are.. and steel urself to ignore them.. until the next outburst wherein the need doesnt supress and you call again. Surprisingly (or may be u believe coz thats what u want to believe) they make u feel as if you really are missed. And fall for it like a fool.. although all along you know.. u know tht its not them but its u who is cheating yourself...

Genuine lies??? Or honest illusions?


May be both.. may be niether.. u juss r comfortable in this position.. position of being a doormat....

Or may be i am juss stupid!

Le sigh

Yep! this blog needed a new post since long.. I wanted to finish the story I was writing.. but this was not to be! I am feeling this vague dissatisfaction.. yeah with everything...

A minor disappointment and i am feeling so depressed/ It was no big thing. I wasnt part of it even for 3 months.. Why do i feel let down? Its no big deal!

I guess if i tell myself like 15 times may be i will believe it. But the truth is.. I feel let down coz i am backing off. Whatever may be the reason.. the children couldnt suffer..But if it wouldnt give me satisfaction will it give others any joy??

If i cannot feel the commitment will anyone benifit?? I guess not.. for ppl who wonder what this is all about.. dun be too nosy.. if i wanted yall to know i would have tole ya and if i ddnt most prolly i didnt wanna tell!!!

Now i read this book called bitter chocalates by pinki virani!

All those ppl who are against sex education must read that book! Theyr eally need to..

I feel so disgusted so outraged.. i want to kill each one of those prpagator.. y helpless rage has no outlet like most case

So i mourn. I wake in the night.. I mourn for innocence.. I mourn for that little girl .. i mourn for that little guy.. I mourn for the haunted adulthood.. The totured soul

I guess somewhere i mourn for myself.. the child that was..

I mourn mourn and some more...

DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW OR CARE THAT 53% OF KIDS ARE SEXUALLY ABUSED???

something that waters down to every other person?

yep i have written abt this before too.. anyone out there who wants to dispute the statistics.. please move on..

This is reality.. this dioesnt happen to someone else.. this happens in well educated.. well to do with all the amenities society.. this si as much a passion of rich as desperation of poor...

Many of us know that sex tourism in India is on rise.. esp in goa... But government doesnt take any action.. reason is.. goa thrives on tourism..

The worst part in the book is not that the kids were victimised.. thats a big crime itself.. worser part was no one believed them.. when they did the kids were hushed!!

And mostly the kids were blamed as a problem and not the actuall abuser!

Our fucking law is sick!

do you know that for a child abuse to be a rape.. penetration is reqd??

when most cases finger fucking is the most usually used mode as the vagina is too small??

Do you know that the youngest kid to be raped was 6 month old child?

Do you know that any kind of sexual abuse is generally termed as "unnatural offences" and the punmisment that could be met to these ppl is in and around 2 years??

That too its hard to prove as the social stigma is hard to bear??

And most sexually abused kids themselves become abusers or submissive to abuse??

So if u r abused and u dun gethelp... it may happen that once u get married and ur kids get abused.. u may verywell turn blind eye!

Can you really live and marry wid such lagacy?? Can you?

DO you know that most kids are killed by disinterest by the parents...

There are so many did yous.. and if yous..

'if' like someone said.. such a bittersweet word!

I can see clearly now... - Neil diamond



Lyrics:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies

Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

This is a song that vishal gave me once.. Have heard this countless times.. it is still wonderful to listen! I am in mood to share this with you guys :)


The lyrics are as follows:

I can hear the soft breathing

Of the girl that I love,

As she lies here beside me

Asleep with the night,

And her hair, in a fine mist

Floats on my pillow,

Reflecting the glow

Of the winter moonlight.

She is soft, she is warm,

But my heart remains heavy,

And I watch as her breasts

Gently rise, gently fall,

For I know with the first light of dawn

I'll be leaving,

And tonight will be

All I have left to recall

Oh, what have I done,

Why have I done it,

I've committed a crime,

I've broken the law.

For twenty-five dollars

And pieces of silver,

I held up and robbed

A hard liquor store.

My life seems unreal,

My crime an illusion,

A scene badly written

In which I must play.

Yet I know as I gaze

At my young love beside me,

The morning is just a few hours away.

I wonder why I bother.. yeah I am talking about you.. if you read this you will know! Why do I really bother talking to you? I know I have asked myself before too. I have asked you too. But i still do. I like talking to you.. But I like talking to many others too. nothing special about it.

I am sure that is what you must be telling yourself. In a way you are right too. But everyone have their own special style special charm.. It is true that I may not miss you for long.. but I will miss talking to you..

I know i said call is yours... but not always. Next time call will be mine.. so you better take care.. I don;t know what I mean by this!

Le sigh!

Is this a threat to you? :O or some kind of warning? I don't think you really should read this :

I am feeling wonderfully happy. Inside out outside in... Well is it becoz I slept like 13 hrs straight?? Well most who knew me in college wouldnt find it any special.. meena always sleeps for 13-14 hrs... But it is not so! I actual;ly get only 4-5 hrs of sleep.. the reasons r countless.. dun wanna waste my time whinning today [:d]

And it stopped raining here too. Not that it was raining heavily.. but the weather is awesome! I mean wonderful breeze carassing your face when you walk even at 12:00 pm in the afternoon no hot sun scorching ur face ur feet!


And then Alex anna called me up. It was so wonderful to hear a familiar voice. I never thought i would see a day when i wouldnt mind being called motti or when i would again tease him calling him hitler.. the name that was created in anger struck with love. Now when i think of him i smile. I guess its just the natural caring he shows. I so always wanted a big bro and he fits the slot right on!


And then I got a scrap from vivek after ages. It seems he got confirmed in Godrej. Its an eyeopener to see him focussed on his carrer. Not much of a surprise, coz he always had it in him. I am sure he will be very sucessful coz he got that thirst in him... I wonder when i will find my thirst [:P]

I am remebering the old times. Me coming to the canteen saying " mein aaagayi" and ppl teasing me about it.. It is strange how i am soo nostalgic now.. i ddint fel it in mumbai or after coming back.. This isnt desolate ache i felt when i returned. this is wistful ahppiness that comes when u remember some wonderful memories with a foreknowledge of more to come!

Kalpesh may come to india this september! Isnt that a peach! I hope he gets time to come to bangalore. Gawd it would be 2 years! i havent seen him.

I somehow never talked about my coll friends! i want to do it today
Remember all those bitter sweet memories!