meena iyer
Relationship really become our habit. I know it is a weird thing to say. But I am talking about online relation in particular. You are used to someone being for you everyday. You expect them to be there. when they are not u miss them. but does that mean you care for them? how deep is this feeling? and how relevant? you miss them only when u r online else in ur real life how much they really mean?

Now I had altercation wid one of my friend long time back. on record we have made up but sumthing died. Its not same any more seems like i am and ofcourse she also is trying to pick the broken pieces strewn in hay!

Now a new altercation today. May be the afore mentioned is right i no longer think and speak. I shoot from hip! May be i am not so understanding as I was. I dunno. For me I feel the same. but it is true i care less thats for sure. At one point of time, I wud be so upset that I would log off. but now.. i just do sumfin else. It was so easy to say bye.

This scares me some but not very much. not like it would have at one point of time. Its like if one friend goes other comes in. Does this make me callous? or juss plain accepting?

It makes me shallow for sure. coz I am not respecting my emotions. I become attached to ppl and easily let go as if sand it can be jerked away from your cloth. ppl come and go i am still here. what does this make me?

It makes me vulnerable. And i respond by not actually being attached. only seemingly being attached. Its a mess this ilusion of friendship illusion of love business!

I see this pattern repeating. Well this is not what I was about to write. I was about to write abt expecting someone's presence...... This expectation kills the relationship. Coz their presence shudnt be prefuntory, it shud be becoz they want it not coz u expect it.

I am trying hard these days to not expect a lot from ppl. Surprisingly i am better for it. But I am afraid that may be i really dont have a faculty for deep attachment for long. I bore of ppl too easily.

I dunno if i actually love that I let ppl drift by or i dont. Its so confusing.. sometimes it hurts and other times it feels good. Rootless exisitence inside out?

whatever it is as long as it satisfy me should i really bother abt the reasons? probably i shudnt waste time

One last thing more of a note to myself. I dont have to be with ppl whom I dont want to. It is not neccessary to forgive ppl. And abt todays altercation that guy is never gonna be my friend back. Coz, friendship is not made and broken at will. I am done wid it.

I hardly know what i wrote and why i wrote
3 Responses
  1. strongwalker Says:

    desire is the cause of all sorrows

  2. Pensativo Says:

    hey winnie ..Relationship is one of the thing about which we should think from mind. Everything in this world can't be materialistic and can be perceived through mind.
    Well there is a famous quote :

    "Don't be friend with people, and if you become friend with them, don't go too close to them and if you go too close them then never go away."

    Well relationships should be driven by heart only. In any relationship if at some point of time you feel that it is not possible to sustain it more then you should just give in. The important thing is that you should not sustain relationships just because they exist and you have to bear it. If you feel like continuing it then do otherwise if there is no more feelings in your heart and if you don't feel in the same you used to, then it should be stopped at that point.
    But remember its not easy to find people who mean to you so if you find such people do every effort to sustain that relationship otherwise regrets are left with you later.

    Well forgiveness is good thing. Try to practice it, it would give you deep satisfaction and would also release you from a trap. Coz if you don't believe in forgiveness you won't be able to forgive yourself also and it can devastate you from inside so better keep a watch on that side :)

  3. Neeru Says:

    well, the "letting ppl go" has become a habit for me, these days. not relationships. i can understand very much wats goin on with u. n i guess prolly im the gurl whos tryin to pick the broken pieces strewn in hay. :)
    somethin died. ur expectations, meena, nothin else, believe me. u wouldnt expect from "her" again, coz u know u may be sorely disappointed. n as for "her"... prolly shes got that feelin of disillusion in her too.
    u arent in any way callous. u jus need a break, thats all. u cant help it if u simply cant carry on havin a relationship with one person. u have to let go when u have to let go. n lettin go is a constantly happenin event in life. when its so easy to say gbye, it means it never is or was wat uve always painted it to be, wat uve always wanted it to be.