We all know what happened the last time.. My system crashed. I don't get to change my playlist on my mobile Whannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

If only that was the only grievance.

Lets see. After I got approval I checked for train tickets online. Nonoe was available ofcourse. Fir went to Krtdc or somefin to get reservation in Volvo. I went to Majestic(kempegowda bus station) only to find server is down and i can't book ticket there. Moreover, I can book ticket in BDA complex which is like too near to my place. Sweet isnt it?

Now going to majestic cost me 100 bucks all for nothing. Finally I came home and gave my dresses to tailor to get it stitched and it was time to rest and go to office. Le sigh

Now, ?I ahve some bank work to do that requires 'Revenue stamps'. We search many GPO's and then find out from some general stores that they are banned from Karnataka. He suggested we go to Hosur as it is in Tamil nadu to get them (Like 4 hrs travel from bangalore). Reason is unknown. Isnt it strange? No one in GPO cared to inform about it. they wanted us to search in general stores...

Finally we dropped that idea and decided to buy it from mumbai. So now, the tailor had decided to give the dresses back to me all stitched by Wednesday which I knew wudnt be done. But.. what i ddint expect was that it wouldnt be started not cut. Also, the guy has the termity to actually look blank!
And shameless unprofessional brute didnt have decency to say sorry! Finally he said he will give it today Thursday by 12:00. Knowing the nature of the beast i went at 2:00 pm (I had lied to him that my bus is today by 3:00 and not tomorrow when it actually is......) So, I reach there by 2:00 and I see that one of the cloth is just being stitched. Thank god for small mercies the other was already done. I wonder if i had told the truth what would have happened? Even tomorrow I would have got the dress by 2:30 pm. I wonder how would I ahve catched the bus??

Well, what I am trying to point is this guy's indifference to his clients deadline....
This is not just his case but general one. Once we had our Mixer's jar given for repair. He said he had to replace the part we will get it by the evening. As usual I went there the next day. It wasnt done. I went there every day for a week to get it done. By the time i was ready to take back the un-rectified Jar. Not that it is very cheap or we get some discout to wait late. Its their call. The jar got repaired for 60 bucks which would have been done for 30 in Mumbai (been there done that!). And the simple cloth would have been stitched at 150 each and I gave 220!

No wonder most companies in bangalore prefer ppl outside bangalore as their employees.

Back to the topic....
If this wasnt enough, My return ticket(booked online) hasnt reached me yet and We have a train block in mumbai, the very day I land there. Isnt it funny?

Exasperating is more like it. Like all the forces in the world are conspiring to not let me go to mumbai!

And I ahvent lost my hopes yet! I will still go inspite of everything!

Yeah yeah writing on it again. But few new thoughts. Sometimes, I really wonder why some one comes into your life. Especially for only brief period. Like someone whom you meet in the train, share your life and then move on. At the most, you remember them once in a blue moon and smile may be. Or wish they are doing as well as you are.



Some ppl touch your heart in that small time. Like once when I was travelling alone, this family was soo good to me. Random friendly gestures. They touch heart more than the most. Does absense make heart fonder?
I wonder why!

Some ppl stay for long. Some for little while. everyone leaves a indeliable mark in your memory in your heart. My childhood friend Jagruti, she is married now. Now even if we ever meet which is most unlikely, we wouldn't gel as much. We are too different but then she was my closest friend. What changed so much?

Deep inside are you so different? Not likely. I guess this false veneer of education. I call it false coz true education will teach us humility. It would teach us to actually see through these cowwebs. But we end up creating more. Who is to blame?

Now there is one more question why to blame? Why is it soo neccessary that someone take blame someone be a scapegoat? Why cant w let it be unresolved and move on?

Venue: Office

A notification. You got a mail.

I click on popup and do a gig in the air.

Hello Meena,

Your leave application for the period of 5 days (27 May 2007-31 May 2007) has been approved.
Please contact your local management to work out the shifts so that someone can cover your work load.

Regards,

Leon Elperin

I am ecstatic. Finally, I will go to Mumbai! Meet my friends for 7 days. I keep blabbering about it in the cab. come home. dance with smitha (my sis) for some time. play with sweety(my baby pet).

I turn on computer to tell it to my friends online.

Notification:
system alert.

your computer is infected with a hacker tool. please install 'winantiviruspro 2007'

I yell at my sis. What did you do now? I told you not to install anything unless you know what it is.

Smitha hurt. mood changed to bad
Le sigh.

I run scans. Many scans. Different anitvirus scans. spyware scans. adware scans.

Still there it is. The alert is juss there.

Opened Add/remove programs.

There it is: Windows security alert, Internet explorer plugin. Video ex 8.0.

I click on uninstall.

Notification:

You need to reboot your system to uninstall.

I click on okay. system reboots. but there it is not uninstalled

Fiddle with registry. entries deleted reappears. Le sigh

Try safe mode. same thing repeats. even the notification appears in safe mode [:O]
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Pssssssssssssssssssst

Open list of services. stop many unwanted services. Look for suspicious ones. Not there.

Now time to hunt the windows and system32 folder.

hack hack. delete delete.

Finally restart.

There you go.....

Bios loading....

beep beep beep.....

system restarts.

Again Bios loading

beep beep beep....

Conclusion: system crash!

Then you remember, the last time the way you broke the XP cd to pieces. you ver very very angry.

You cry . you scream. but there it is. your system gone phut!

you search for long forgotten rejected ubuntu Live cd.

Come online and blog.

What the heck!

Shit happens !!!

Life goes on [:D]

I read a novel by Kiran desai . To be truthful I had huge hopes from this book. It sadly disappointed me. I felt it had the same listlessness that I generally feel in Indian authors. Incharitable I know... but the very few I have read makes me think of this.. Like yashovarman by Sanjay soni.

We wont talk abt that. Only about this one.

The story is based on post colonial days. this is a story of a girl Sai. She is a daughter of a airforce pilot who dies in russia. Involved in indo-russian space shuttle operation. The story is about how this gal and her friends react to the growing tensions between gorkhas and the bengalis in the northeastern town.
Misty and beautiful this town is a bit melancoly.

At an early age Sai is sent to a very repressive convent school which she hates. On her parents death in an accident, Sai is funded by her grandpa for studies. However, due to reducing income, he decides to call her back and engages a tutor for her home.

In the Grampa's household, thre is a cook whose son is in US of A trying to be rich and seeing his dreams being shattered.

The story is set as i said during the onset of gorkha revolt. At that time, Sai was in love with her only mathematic tutor, a gorkha accounts student. As the story moves forward, the love of these ppl changes to soemthing else. The apparent confusion and occasional insight of these two teenagers are wonderful to read.
The only foriegner living there is extradicted. There are other changes like her only friends, the old ladies who tutored her are besotted by squatters who takes over their home and their life in many respects.

The story starts with a robbery of arms from the grampa's house and it ends with a innocent guy nabbed by the police and tortured. The guy's relations (wife n father) retaliates by robbing the only love of grampa's lyf, his pet dog.

Also, hearing about the issues in his native land, the cooks son returnns home. On the way he is robbed. Not only he loses money but his clothes and other luggages. He returns in a worst condition than he was earlier.

I guess this is where the name, Inheritance of Loss is inherited.

I recently read one of my friend's blog. It was a plea to her dad to understand her aspirations, her need. It is true that parents have the best interests for us in their mind. But how many parents forget in the mean time if the path they dream for us is really our dream. Are we so much a extentions of them that we dont have our own identity??

Pushing your frustrated and not so frustrated dreams on your children is like trying to live your life through them its not possible!!!!

And the most common lament is.. We never had oppurtunities like you have! All we want is for the best for you

You are right! You didnt have as much choices..... We have! SO LET US MAKE THEM!!!!


I am sure most of you all agree with me! I mean what the heck is wrong with their mind? How can they forget they were young once and had dreams.............

All they remember is they had dreams and want it to happen for their child as it didnt happen for them ! PSSST
Doesnt make sense!

After really very lengthy posts these small ones seems a welcome change isnt it?

Today I didnt come online a lot. Even gtalk chats have reduced. I wonder if it is direct result of some kind of disillusionment? For some reason flirting aint as appealing as it was. nah dun mark me wrong. I will still flirt.. but i no longer am satisfied by online relation.. I want that personal touch of meeting everyday.

Those pleasant ways of holding hands.. laughing etc etc... yeah getting sentimental again!

Well one of my friends wid whom i had chat wid expressed how special she felt holding hands... made me remember too.. nah this isnt gf-bf thingy.. well even when your best friend holds your hand how comforting it feels?

childishly swinging hands while walking? Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah nostalgia... What I wouldnt give to be back at hostel.

I know its easy to look back wards and say how golden it was .. I still wish what the heck!

After a long time I am getting this terrible yen to blog during the day and almost regularly. God knows why. esp as I ahve nothing to really talk abt only the will to talk..

Finally I decided to take a take on quotes that I wanted to write about.

In one of my frustrated phase I have made a change in my wallpaper which says...

Dreams are like Rainbows, Only fools chase them.....

How pesimistic is this? I can see nodding head wid ready advices (After all I am one of them too ... like recognises like :D) Well to continue...


I dont think it is pessimistic at all... yes you read right. it isnt pessimistic. As long as you only dream and chase it.. it is fools paradise. to actually make it work you need to water it down to real world. Plan it. on basis of reality. So is it not not pessimistic? [:D]

Recently, one of my friends called my ex as my enemy and I was clueless. I mean whom do you call your enemy? The one who wants bad things to happen to you? or the one whom you want bad things to happen???

Well if it is latter, I guess till now no one is my enemy. not even my ex. Simply coz, I in no way want anything bad to happen to him as long as he stays away from me there is nothing else I want.

Now if it is former, since I have no idea whats on my ex's mind how can I call him my enemy?

besides the word enemy doesnt exist for me. Simply coz todays friend can be tomorrows enemy and vice versa.. so that is stupid..


now I wonder why I have got this need to type meaningless post. It is as if I need to be stupid purposefully. I actually wanted to post something else end up typing crap. Still it is my crap so will be published.

Relationship really become our habit. I know it is a weird thing to say. But I am talking about online relation in particular. You are used to someone being for you everyday. You expect them to be there. when they are not u miss them. but does that mean you care for them? how deep is this feeling? and how relevant? you miss them only when u r online else in ur real life how much they really mean?

Now I had altercation wid one of my friend long time back. on record we have made up but sumthing died. Its not same any more seems like i am and ofcourse she also is trying to pick the broken pieces strewn in hay!

Now a new altercation today. May be the afore mentioned is right i no longer think and speak. I shoot from hip! May be i am not so understanding as I was. I dunno. For me I feel the same. but it is true i care less thats for sure. At one point of time, I wud be so upset that I would log off. but now.. i just do sumfin else. It was so easy to say bye.

This scares me some but not very much. not like it would have at one point of time. Its like if one friend goes other comes in. Does this make me callous? or juss plain accepting?

It makes me shallow for sure. coz I am not respecting my emotions. I become attached to ppl and easily let go as if sand it can be jerked away from your cloth. ppl come and go i am still here. what does this make me?

It makes me vulnerable. And i respond by not actually being attached. only seemingly being attached. Its a mess this ilusion of friendship illusion of love business!

I see this pattern repeating. Well this is not what I was about to write. I was about to write abt expecting someone's presence...... This expectation kills the relationship. Coz their presence shudnt be prefuntory, it shud be becoz they want it not coz u expect it.

I am trying hard these days to not expect a lot from ppl. Surprisingly i am better for it. But I am afraid that may be i really dont have a faculty for deep attachment for long. I bore of ppl too easily.

I dunno if i actually love that I let ppl drift by or i dont. Its so confusing.. sometimes it hurts and other times it feels good. Rootless exisitence inside out?

whatever it is as long as it satisfy me should i really bother abt the reasons? probably i shudnt waste time

One last thing more of a note to myself. I dont have to be with ppl whom I dont want to. It is not neccessary to forgive ppl. And abt todays altercation that guy is never gonna be my friend back. Coz, friendship is not made and broken at will. I am done wid it.


I hardly know what i wrote and why i wrote