I am sorry guys, I am consolidating all the posts togather. Blabber only haves poems from oldest to newer ones. Weird me all the posts and I have created a new blog for all my stories.. while doing that.. many of urs valuable comments have been lost.. but rest assured that they r imprinted in my heart..


Kindly forgive me :)

Well I am not gonna talk abt broken heart here.. I believe if you love.. that love is your responsibility.. If the other person leaves you... he/she doesnt break your heart coz it was never theirs..

However I wanna discuss about something very much related to that..."trust"
Most of us love someone enough to open up our heart.. Isn't it an irony that the people we love the most actually know where to hurt.. We believe that they love us enough to not ever hurt us.. but that doesnt happen... then end up hurting more than anyone.. add to that the hurt of betrayal..

Recently, I read one short story that made me rethink about this..

In this story, there is a happily married couple just going to have a baby.. However, two weeks before the pregnancy, the guy has to go.. he doesnt want to.. but his lovely wife ever conscious of how imp that is to his career asks him to go..

As fate destined, she has complications and the kid is born dead. Since then their life changes for worse... both live like ghosts that were.. they dont care for each other and avoid each other..

Suddenly, the lady responds to the guys overtues and they start talking.. even make love... The guys starts cooking for her.. nearly happy atlast.. he thinks things r working out finally.. its about time they have been this way for more than an year....

Suddenly the female puts a bomb saying shes moving out.. this was the reason she started to communicate.. she was trying to find a way to say good bye....

He is shattered.. and then he tells her something that he had promised himself that he wouldnt ever say...

He told her that he held their dead baby in his arms before they buried it.. he told her how the baby looked.. she wanted it to b a surprise so she dint know if it was a boy or a girl.. he told her.. so that she mourn for the dead baby all over again..

He told her coz she was leaving him.. he wanted her to suffer.. Why this need to hurt the one we love??

Does it change the fact that you love her? If you love someone how can u hurt them knowingly?

sigh!

Love is such a tricky business!

It is so easy to live in dream than reality!

Okay people am on temporary break for 3 days.. Not that I blog everyday.. but you see I am trying to dwadle.. sigh!

I got to study,.. just have lost the habit of it.. books makes me sleeep : :

*sigh*

Isnt this wonderful ?? Look at the passion.. the desire and yes the confidence.. Beautiful and powerful! A woman who knows her power.. Aware and yes a siren :)

When I dream at night- Marc Anthony




Lyrics:

I have been in love and been alone

I have traveled over many miles to find a home

There’s that little place inside of me

That I never thought could take control of everything

But now I just spend all my time

With anyone who makes me feel the way she does

‘cause I only feel alive when I dream at night

Even though she’s not real it’s all right

‘cause I only feel alive when I dream at night

Every move that she makes holds my eyes

And I fall for her every time

I’ve so many things I want to say

I’ll be ready when the perfect moment comes my way

I had never known what’s right for me

‘til the night she opened up my heart and set it free

But now I just spend all my time

With anyone who makes me feel the way she does

‘cause I only feel alive when I dream at night

Even though she’s not real it’s all right

‘cause I only feel alive when I dream at night

Every move that she makes holds my eyes

And I fall for her every time

Now I just spend all my time

With anyone who makes me feel the way she does

‘cause I only feel alive(only feel alive) when I dream at night(when you'r by my side)

Even though she’s not real it’s all right(that’s alright baby that’s all right)

‘cause I only feel alive when I dream at night

Every move that she makes holds my eyes(holds my eyes)

I normally am not a movie buff... And then talking about a movie is strict no no.. some how the way sucide is handled in this story made me rethink my stance...

I have always been of the opinion that no one has the right to kill themselves or others for that matter..

Some how this story reminds me of a story by robin cook.. as usual i forgot the title...

In that story a mafia don loses eyes and got to wait for the donor.. so his henchmen starts killing the ppl on the waiting list as well as the donors list so that he gets it as early as possible....

In zindagi rocks... sush commits suicide to give her son her heart....


my question is... feelings apart.. both kill for soemthing they want...

So.. is this justified???

May be i am not making sense... blame my feverish mind *sigh*

I didnt want to celebrate it at all.. but it turned out to be one of the special one :)


So many ppl called wooo hooo!!!

Thank you guys :)

I felt sooo special :D :D :D!!

Imagine .. imagine a woman on the cliff... strong gust of air blows her hair helter skelter... she is all in black.. her apparel... flying on the air like a flag... and you are on the beach.. you cant see her face or anything abt her.. but her profile.. as the sun falls on her face... she seems ready to fly.. n would fly at any moment now :)


What do you think passes thru her mind? Is she waiting for her lover? brother father husband?? Is she saying good bye? They/he left her behind to take care of hearth while he/they fish and fight the sea monster?

Or is she grieving for ppl lost? Is she celebrating life being one with the nature? You know not.. but she attracts you.. Why ?

Why a silhouette on the cliff should attract you so much that you climb the hill in the afternoon heat??

But it does and you do.. as soon as you reach the cliff.. she is still standing there.. does she hears you coming? prolly she did but she never reacted! why is she so tangibly mysterious.. you go stand besides her.. she doesnt even deem to spare you a glance....

May be she is lost in her dreams/memories.. what are you doing there???

Erm you notice her delicate face.. face that shows intelligence, grief, happiness and yet smooth and innocently youthful.. but gives impression of being weathered.. a face that has been ravaged by time and yet has come unscathed.. a bundle of contradiction.. how do you know???

You read it in her face! but then did u really read? or is it what u wanted to see? is it ur illusion? ur perception.. why dont u ask her??

Coz she is un approachable.. so you stand.. looking at her... at the horizon.. its evening now... you have been waiting wid her for 4 hours without uttering a single word!

For the naturally garrulous you this is a big feat!

Its evening now. fishermen are returning. They are waving to ppl on shore.. you look at her to see if she waves any one.. but she doesnt....
You continue looking at the horizon.. u havent yet talked! Then its night. and you are still standing . you feel ridiculous now to have stood with her all morning without saying anything.. just observing her and the sea.. the tide has risen now..

you can hear waves jostling with the rocks.. like screaming in countless orgasms.. You look at her.. seems like a godess on hearth drenched in silver moon light.. all aglow.. you want to touch her to see if she is real but you are afraid.

You dont know what to say.. strange! you dont feel hungry or thirsty.. what made a 78 kg overweight person to climb the steep cliff in the mid afternoon ? Why are you still standing besides this lady without talking without touching her.. why doesnt she react to your presence or go away ?

It was too much for you.. you finally decide to touch her.. you find it funny that you are afraid that she will disappear.. what does it matter??

The moon is shining unblinkingly.. the stars r twinkling.. the sea is whispering.. or is it goading you on?? the waves and the shore... are still copulating... and you touch her...

the first time she looks at you.. you are taken aback. this lady is you./. how could that be.. and then something happens that you never thought will happen.. she starts walking on the air,... towards the sea.. you want to stop her.. but you dont.. you follow her.. where are you going??

no idea...



P.S: 3 days later they get a body of an young woman tossed in the storm....

Its my birthday tomorrow.. but i dont feel excited at all :

Dont know why.. all i wanna do is curl up on my bed and go to sleep.. no nothing is wrong with me.. only i am not excited abt it.. erm.. i am tired of faking excitement... i wish no one knew it was my birthday.. i still hope everyone wishes me though :)

Err random jottings again...

What is it that makes one anticipate?? I dont u\s why.. i anticipate... if i write a nice poem.. i anticipate comments.. keep tracking it on the blog or in the community...

In blog, I keep waiting for comments.. i ask ppl to visit my blog.. then look out for comment.. y do i do so??

what happens if they read a portion of my life or not??

there may b many silent readers.. still why do i look out for it??

approval? appreciation??

how long will i seek them ??

y seek them from strangers?

y from ppl we know??

y is it imp...

many a times i read out my poem to my sis... erm.. from the blank look n no comments.. i know she is bored.. n yet the next time i will show her.. even if i decide i wont..

y this compulsion to be liked n adored?

y ??

I have thought about this for quite some time now.. Is honesty over rated ethic or am i missing anything???

*Sigh*

I refuse to put fake experience and get a job for myself.. i job i would adore.. would that mean i am being stupid??

Many say yes.. Why is it tht ppl dont value honesty anymore??

Even my sister seem to u\s the need to do jhol.. y cant i???

Let me give u guys an example... well tax season is here.. predictably we havent made any investments.. as of yet :P :P

So my sister got forged reciepts for medical expences that obliterates her tax completely... when i asked her why.. she says everyone does it : :

Further more, i was kinda trying to share wid my friends... and they seem to agree wid her..

I dunno why am i resisiting??
Am i wrong or r they ??

Recently met one of my friend who is a team lead in one of the companies.. I asked him to help me out for a job.. n he was like sure.. send me ur resume pucca etc etc etc

When i told him but i dont have exp to show.. erm and u know i wont put fake exp..

he changed tunes.. said got to talk wid PM!

how is that the fact that i dont have relavant exp.. deter me but fake exp n buch of lies can get me in???

I know i am capable of the job.. only cant lie : :

whatever!

one more rant :P

I sometimes wanna b like others.. forget my ethics n go with the flow.. i feel envy of ppl who achieved.. they say end justifies the means

But does it???

Words they dont mean anything....

I completed 100 posts in blabbers galore blog [:D]

Lately have used only for poems....

ITs soon gonna be 1 year of my blogging life... What should i do??

I remember.. I started blogging around 20-21st of jan.. I do remember what i used to use it for too...

Not too happy memories.. crying out to someone who was hell ebnt on making me hurt..

But then.. I couldnt have done any better :D :D

Now i have 2 beautiful blogs thats are like friends to mee :)

Yesterday I started to write many times.. I wanted to.. too.. but i didnt.. may be becoz.. if i wrote yesterday.. it would ahve been one more sad ranting by me.. Err not done.. not anymore..

I feel very positive very hopeful today!!

How did it happen??? many things contributed to it...

Starting with... well I read a very nice complimentary.. astro forecast.. Err thats a different thing that every star sign had similar crap [:P]


But it felt good..

Also, Finally i have decided to do something with my life.. something positive... err i am still not confident enuf to share with everyone what that positive step is.. i am scared of failing.. but still i am giving my best.. that feels great!

And I have some ppl i can count as friends now in bangalore.. that feels even more better :D :D

I never realized *yeah right* how ashamed i was *suprised face* yes i was about my job.. Which is bull crap! My job is one of the better paying easygoing one.. besides I hardly have to work there!

But i no longer am ... It *this job* gave me monetary gain.. that i cannot even think of few months back.. now i can afford to rent a 12000 rent waala house.. all by myself and yet live wid ayyashi!

More importantly.. it gave me friends to count on.. well my office friends * never ever called them that before : : * are not with whom I share anything.. there are hardly many around with whom I would actually share my life.. yet.. both provide me comfort.. :)

I am not friendless. There r n no of ppl who think highly of me.. covet my friendship! What else I want??

Due to volunteering I have made some friends I can count on .. :)

And the best part is my friends from the course I did! I met one of them today! Somehow I feel more hopeful now.. All of them are in good jobs :) Felt so wonderful meeting them!

Wil be most prolly meeting them this weekend.. Dont know why this feels like home coming.. like i am going in the direction i wanna be..

Err a new day has come :P

I was waiting for so long
To find a place that I belong
But I was searching all wrong
I got to play along
Yes troubles may prolong
But success will come, If i stay strong
Coz patience is the key
And hardwork you see
I didnt want to try
All i did was cry
Wht fear did I have?
Of failure
But can anyone conjure
Success as it is?
No..
I finally locked the fears
made them disappear
Now i will persevere
Not matter what
I will adhere
I will succeed
Coz new day is here
heed!

Well not so good..

the new year didnt start wid good note wid me arguing wid sis.. and things seems to have gone bad.. err good too depending on mood

Good points

---> I am almost bored of orkut enough to contemplate deleting my profile.. ppl seem insufferable

----> my career seems to take some rough outline right now.. instand of making dreams on the air.. i now make it on paper :P :P :P

----> Poems still are trickling by however, my bandwagon is on ahlt.. more so coz my thinking is again going in the direction I want it too

---- Birthday is near yay!!

Bad points

-----> Some online relations seems more challow than I thought it was

----> Miss some people .. and wish some ppl werent around

----> Feel let down by some people not that they care about it

-----> Birthday is near and i have to force enthusiasm in me :(

thats all for now!