I am sad today. God knows why! Not just sad angry and frustrated too. I never knew I got attached to a particular person so much. And when that person said he isnt comfortable to talk to me anymore... I am hurt as simple as that. Too hurt! To think i was joking that i was angry... n i thought that guy juss got my joke n is kidding around too and to get something like that in return.. was well better said than kept inside.. it still hurts

I am tired of being miss two goody shoes!

Why can't I act like too rude? Even when I hurt?

And then the morning sucked too.. Firstly my sweetie is sick. She has fleas n allergy both. Poor sweetheart keeps scractching and hurting her skin. Baby get well soon dear..

And taking her to doc always leaves a bad taste in my mouth esp wid the injections......

And then we went to the bank today1 Its so goddamn hot I hate it.....

Finally the biggest issue. Its abt my mobile fone. Its been 1week and i havent yet used it once Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Its coz i dont have any good address proof Psssstttttt

I wonder y i cancelled my hutch account, after all i paid all the bills. Well its seemed right i wanted airtel connection...

Firstly the dealer is a dumbass! That guy told me debit card
statement wid a photocard (citibank) wud be enuf.. n when i take that he says it wont work!

He wants me to give a phone bill xerox. I oblige n in the hot
sun of 1:00 pm I search for the goddamn xerox shop which r conveniently closed. I do all these to get the connection today coz in the night i cud call some friends.... and the dealer finally realise even they r not enuf!
What the fuck!
So 2 hours or so roaming in hot sun later.. being late for office i
have no airtel connection.... In fact i wont have either for some time now....

I can get one as my sisters corporate connection. However that will take atleast 4-5 dayz or more!
And til then i dont have any way to use my fone!
Isnt it sick????

And if that wasnt enuf I mistakenly wore my sisters sandals to office n she is angry for that!!

I know these r not enuf reasons to be soo very upset..

I guess its more... It made me realise abt all the stupid probs we have still left in mumbai..The fact that we lost document Ration card transfer certificate.. so have no ration card no election card... seems like someone fishy isnt it? no documents at all!!

And then i remebered the 7 day trip to mumbai wherein i was made to run all over the places...
Talati office to Vasai court to Taluka office.. And goddammit it
was my first taste of how government offices work..

And then it didnt help that most ppl knew my dad as a trouble maker... My dad has this terrible yen to fight against corruption.. doesnt help when ppl know u r his daughter.. they wont mess wid him but they sure did wid me..

Every goddamn person there tried to shirk me off as if i am some trouble.. As if they help me they wud be fielding trouble..
Ah!
i kinda dint want to remember those dayz...
I knwo most will ask if i dont like my dads attitude..
Yes i dont. Although i am proud of his values i am not proud of
his methods :

Well thats it.. the old shadows are following me today and
making me saad very saad!!

I kinda hate that ppl stereotype me always i dunno why!

And ppl always think i am better than i always am..
Y?
All my life everyone called me agenius who doesnt use her talents well!
And my parents never thought so....
Thats a different story!
But yeah! always. Do I show more than i know?? do i act so?
I dont think so!
And then ppl think mostly i am very understanding etc etc
Well Am i really so?
thats juss the problem i wish pp see me as i am!
I wish ppl dont either admire me or act as if i am not good at all.. I am somewhere in betwen good n bad!
i hope ppl see that.
I hated everytime ppl came to me
juss to ask help esp in the exam time n then ignore me(be indifferent) I hated
it when ppl said ah we cant make meena angry after all who will give us ssignment help us in studies!

I ahted it when ppl wud keep doing meena didi n then choose someone else as best senior!

I wonder how they think i felt to have missed the very party i organised from scratch!
I ahte that i think of these petty things n still hurt.. hurt myself more..
I hate that i find it hard to forgive n forget!
I ahted it when someone i cared abt dint give me reason as y he left n wanted to start from where we left off as if nothing was wrong...
I hated it when he still dint give me the reasons...

I juss hate a lot isnt it??

I am tired.. tired of laughing tired of smiling..
I hate my dilemma.. I wish i had a normal life wid normal
family...
I hate that i still wish for the same after wishing it since
childhood!
I hate the envy i feel i felt when i see a happy family.....
I ahte so many things

I guess i shud stop now.. enuf of hate
Le sigh