Heck! I am back again.. since am not sleepy and in no mood to blog read/ orkut/ chat.. the usual things i do... am back to posting...

I myt as well dream something up than doing nothing.. if you chanced to read this you would know which way my fertile imaginations go... however if you havent then let me tell you its gonna be extremely mills n boonsy.. so well you might wanna give it a skip if you dont like the type.. and if you do like it.. welcome to my world of dreams :)

Well last time it was a beach.. this time more cozy place.. my home ofcourse with a roomy terrace :D :D the moonlight stays... it has to! There is something about moon that makes me go all dreamy dreamy read horny horny :D :D

So here it goes...

Its one of those days when you are watching match.. yep am practical.. this is gonna happen :D :D and your side is winning.. you are all excited .. so I decide to curl in a chair and get lost in dreams... sitting alone singing songs .. lost in my world...

Soon you come and kiss me.. on my shoulders and gently hug me... and whisper sorry... I ask what for? for am pissed and in mood to fight.. we get only one day to be together and you wanna spend it in front of TV?

You say you know what for... your hot breath on my ears tingling.... I say no.. I dont! am not clairvoyant you know!

gently you keep nuzzling and whisper sweet love words.. and talk in that special tone.. you know I cant resist... so sure you are of your power over me.. I act like am unaffected.. but my quickened pulse and husky voice belie my words... You laugh.. that unaffected open hearted bellow.. how can I b not seduced? *sigh* I move away from you.. expecting you to tag along ofcourse ..

But you are super smart arent you?.. these power games are like kiddie stuff for you.. my macho macho egoistic fellow! You move away.. for just enough time so that am frustrated.. but not long enough for me to feel down/angry.. you take care not to bruise my ego too :)

Music turned on meanwhile... my current favorite ones... Buble and Melua.. you know which string to pull dont you?

You come near again.. again that intimate caress your words.... will you dance with me?

Ah.. there it comes the moonlight kiss.. by bap kennedy... he croons while our lips meet.. sure in knowledge that pleasure will course through.. that familiar taste... known since long and yet cant get enough of...

When I start swaying with you slowly.. you know you have me where you would like me to be.. You like that .. dont you? pliable a putty in your hands...

and then neck to neck... holding close we talk.. about nothing important... the routine things that couples share.. and yet we feel content.. finally in each others arms we feel complete... We know we have all the time in the world... no hurry... tantalizing each other with touch.. breath and eyes... ah! your killer eyes... mesmerizes me everytime.. lil blobs of white and that swirl of grey in black.. smokey...

Ummm well we all know what follows isnt it?

A night of revelry and passion

I know I know I lost thread again... :(

May b some other time...

Ah back again to the days of meaningless names and even more meaningless posts.. erm.. erm..

Well I wondered.. like sometimes when you read through a book you feel ah! thats exactly how i think or how i do...

Do you ever feel that?

I do.. a lot of time... like now.... I was reading Blind Assassin the lady says that we mould our moms like we want them to be... we dont give them a chance to b humans... how true isnt it?

I will quote it in actuality later for now just rough draft..

Erm i shud stop,... am rambling... I so want to smoke.. since few days the temptation has been insistent... not that am regular smoker or anything... but somedays I really want to do it desperately

I wonder many times if I really know what i want.. seriously.. its like i walk in thousand different directions all at the same time and end up going nowhere!

Sometimes I wish I knew what my destiny was.. those sometimes comes many times nowadays :|

Suddenly out of nowhere I feel spent.. have 3 stories in pipeline and many more in mind.. poems r impromptu and all.. and yet i dont feel like writing... not even reading.. infact am reading Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood for the past one month and havent reached even 40% of it...

its indeed weird coz i am a day a book kinda person

Infact feel sleepy but have no mood to sleep :O

Oh yeah! My Song Of my Life blog has reached upto 125 posts! and all original work by me yay!!

I can finally call myself a poetess... this calls for a celebration!!!


An abrasive thought though.....

This blog reached 180 posts now.. wud that make me a writer???

besides why no celebration for this one??


erm...


Ahem....


I never realized until today :D :D

Days seem to pass away so soon. Once I wake up, like a robot I go through the routine. But as the shadows increase in length.. I give up...I know not what to do with myself....

Empty house.. empty bed.. shifting shadows of lifeless TV... cacophonied silence.. many a times I mute the sound.. for I don't listen anyways... it wasn't always this way.. was it?


Traversing the guilty roads of past
Bludgeoned by regret and memories
Why didn't it last ?


Brightness filled these rooms once.. even in the dark.. remember the countless candles we burnt? or your eyes were enough for me.. nowadays even moon shies away.. hides behind the clouds...

And I listless, wait.. for something to happen... A honk of car... a whispered song.. clinking of keys.. I wait immobile .. as if , If i don't move.. will myself long enough, to stay still.... time would stop too.. or may be those gods of my childhood will listen to my unuttered prayers... I don't know when I stop.. may be when fireflies start dancing besides the closed windows.. I hate opening them.. the fragrance of raat rani.. reminds me of our bed.. soft and lush with petals.. and your touch.. softer than the softest of a petal... That set fire in my veins... It still does.. in my dreams... but you are not there.. is that why I don't sleep?

Long after the birds are asleep
Long after the moon hides
behind the cloud
Long after the frog sleeps,
beneath the shroud

I wonder if you think of me

Do you? May be you don't find time anymore... may be lost in someone else's arms... the night still makes you drunk.. am drunk too.. but I no longer heed.. The curtains are all shut and lights "ON" in every room.. then why does it seem dark to me? must be the reflection of my eyes..

I don't peep in mirrors nowadays... The mirrors in your eyes spoiled me for life.. Remember the hours we spent just gazing... your eyes.. marked every part of me.. soon your hands and curious tongue followed... you said you want to know how I tasted... and said that I tasted sweet as honey.. tasted like love......

Does she taste the same too? does she know about all our little secrets? like that mole at the nape of your neck? or the one just below the hem line of your hair?

May be someday, when she sleeps, secure in her dreams.. and you feel sleepless... Would you think of those countless nights that we stayed awake just to greet the crack of dawn?

Naked as new born babies.. entwined with each other.. bathed in the moonlight... in sultry summer nights.. or was it our passion that made us sweat? Sweet fragrance of night and our love mingled together.... heady....

Cold wintry nights... huddled together in a single blanket... tongues playing games.. and that ice cold dance in the nightly rain... tingling senses... mind blowing kisses... Would you remember ?

Ever???

Just may be?

When did the sweet nothings turned to nothing at all? why didn't we fight like the usual couples? what was it that I couldn't give?

Sometimes I ask questions to the wall.. thinking you are here to reply..

In silence I seek answers
For questions unformed
Is it any wonder
that Silence is all i get ?

This silence kills me slowly... as if telling me.. Ha! loser.. what are you doing here? statue you are.. like us all ....... lifeless.. why r u still alive then?

I still wait for your phone call.. what do they know what is pleasure.. when they have not experienced pain?

Ah finally it happened.. Seemingly after ages.. a bell rung.. impatiently.. I know its you.. my senses heightened.. waiting for your hug .....don't you have the key?

there it is the familiar clink of keys.. I see you have entered.. but is this a dream?

' I have come to collect my things. This is the divorce papers. I need it signed.. We plan to marry next month. She's pregnant' your voice a dead pan whisper!

I don't understand.. Is this you who is talking? you were not supposed to be real.. not after all those months.. you were to be an illusion... That disappears into sweet nothingness when I try to touch ...

And then I heard.. "She is pregnant"

I knew then.. It is no dream.. and that...I had lost finally.. utterly... no illusions left.. without a fight.. without a choice... Marked by nature.... 'Barren'
What do I do now? How do I live?

My womb jeered at me.. all hail the mother of nobody... So did your back that said adieu my friend.. though you didn't have the courtesy to say so... you left in silence.... never ever turning around.. while I waited mute... still... Frozen finally as my heart desired... Motionless..

Still no gods came that day.. after all the childhood gods were fake anyways..
Stood there in an agony that my senses were not able to convey.. they chose to hide behind numbness... How long? What does it matter? Does time make sense when you don't live?

I didn't shed a tear that day.. not a single one...they had all already run dry...

I let my heart cry ......

Little drops of crimson colored our bed.. like those rose petals you loved...

I became a mannequin in the world of dreams... in this museum of lost love I forever remain...


lovingly yours..

Like mannequin I stayed
While my love
....... wasted away

----->How can someone want something and yet at the same time not want it with the same vehemency?

------> Need solitude and yet need an audience always....

------> Sex is independent to love... am horny.. but I need to be in love to have sex...

------> Change is essential... cannot live without it.. oh how afraid am I about it! I just hate it... oh no.. i love it eversomore...

I wonder what I hate more.. being lied to.. or being lied in a way that I know it is a lie.. or reparations made on that lie?

I really wonder sometimes..

A writer is an observer.. he can never participate and even when he does have to.. he is still passively involved.. coz his mind always keeps processing his responses.. and of the surrounding... a true writer can never ever participate actively...


not just a writer but any artist.. no wonder they r true loners :) not someone who stays away from everyone coz he is hurt.. coz that person is not a loner coz deep within his heart.. he always wants to return.. but the blue blood kinds.. who have healthy disdain for "people" and ones who are happy to be amused by it occasionally.. but want to return back to their private spaces...

And I am made of weirder kind.. I want to b witnessed.. to be heard and listened.. I want someone who can see n hear all my thoughts.. naked... to my every core.. thats what i crave for... my bad as well as good thoughts.. as they r.. without being tinged by personal biases... not positive reflector.. but an perfect absorber.. one who wont reflect anything... and i think only that makes me a writer.. coz i write for myself... an writer of only one audience... or may be none?

We had this issue with one of the organization which provides coaching.. for around a month. My sister had registered a month before online. However, she didnt receive any correspondence from them to that effect. for days together we kept calling them, they kept asking us to call either after some days/hours or to a different person. or the most irritating thing! they put us on hold the moment they heard our voice...

Doing that for a month.. finally I decided to take things in my hands... From a different mobile I called them and said that I am calling from Bangalore Police department and that I am investigating financial fraud.. and guess what ??

We talked to the concerned official within 2 min and not only that.. the issue is on the way to resolution...

No prizes for this :)

These assholes.. bozoes who dont want to work have made me tell a lie.. which I generally dont tell.. and yet fooling them makes me feel amazing!

yep telling lie did sound amazing!

Ah well.. alls well that ends well :)

But it was fun!

So next time if anyone says.. would you lie??

My answer is MOST Definitely!