I learnt VIII
Winnie the poohi
Each one of us is essentially an island of loneliness. How much ever we cover this fact with indulging in plethora of relationships, a moment occurs when we have to face it and live with it. The sooner it occurs the better life is. 


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Cuteness!!!
Winnie the poohi


Ah guys one more award yay!! By a sweetie pie! Thank you honey! Ah well I want to forward this award to :

1. Indyeah.. for she is indeed very very cute and her blog is just perfect showcase of her persona .. so colorful and yet so very black :D :D

2. IHM : Umm esp for her dog vocabulary that is umm so proficient ;)

3. Nancy: Ah she is cuteness personified for me and her plethora of readers :D

4. Rauf: Don't know him for a long time but his big hearted friendly comments.. time and again touch my heart and his pictures delights me so much!

Ah I think I am also supposed to say 10 things about me.. but I am not in a self effacing mood.. one can only talk about one self "as much" So I shall pass that too..

Archy girl thank you so :)



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Mumbai memories..............
Winnie the poohi
The day after today, I am leaving for Mumbai. I wouldn't be around for a week or so. Not until 17th. I guess it is just natural that I get all nostalgic. I have a tendency to tarry in the past especially when the past is so gloriously golden!  So today the waves of memories brought me few moments of a friend who was so unique and so dear and yet so far away... always...


   I had seen him first in our class. The first day of college and he had involved our professor in an  argument . infact had caught the professor while teaching us something wrong and he was trying to tactfully point that out . Well tact was something he lacked  dreadfully and the result was chaos! Most of us thought he is showing off his "knowledge" and were feeling bad for the poor professor who had obviously not prepared well for the first day.. As months passed by our opinion about him really dint change.. he never sat for the lectures and when he did.. he was way beyond our capabilities in that subject and way beyond what sir taught us.. I admired him with a tinge of envy too.. he was this mysterious thing ...  this cynical being.. he intrigued me!

   I dont exactly know when we started talking. I have tried hard to remember but I know it was in the second year. What I remember is long conversations where we debated on every topic under the earth.. the benefit/drawback of being the only child (which he was) or the last child (which I was) if god existed or not.. some technology.. our professors.. etc etc.. the list was endless.. so was our conversations.. mostly umm people interrupted us.. and he never interacted with anyone else in my group.. if someone comes more often than not he would excuse himself and leave. He was not shy.. he was recluse.. and drawing him out was a challenge for me

And I dont remember when it changed from just a challenge to pleasure.. but as I said  or did I? he was intensely moody.. on some days he won't even smile at me.. and at others he would wait for me to show up to continue our chats.. and every chat was delightful! And all of my fondest memories were with him, swaps and me together.. sitting in the canteen or the hill near our hostel.. he with his ridiculously small guitar.. (he was learning) and swaps acting over smart and we all singing songs together.. or the long walks.. once again where we both monopolized the conversation.. 

And yet when he got a drop ( lost an year as he had many papers back.. though he was amazingly brainy it never translated in papers.. ) it was easy to leave him behind .. possibly coz he was never "always" around.. it was his choice.. he seeked my company and when we did spend time it was amazing for both of us... it worked both ways.. I wud never seek him coz I am too proud to seek someone when I know he might rudely reject it when he is not in the mood.. and well for him.. he didnt feel suffocated by this friendship.. there was no obligation.. 

And then we kind of lost contact. I moved to Bangalore and he was still in college. But then we started writing emails to each other. Chatty long emails and occasional chats on yahoo messengers.. I was going through a bad phase and he was trying to make me feel upbeat.. but one day I was pissed by something he said and I logged off. Those days I didnt have net at home and used to go to a cyber cafe. As I said I ignored his chat sessions and his phone calls. I still remember 53 miss calls and then we again stopped corresponding 

Until one day.. long after this incident, I had one idea ruminating in my mind and I wanted to share it with someone. My then boy friend was not very receptive of it.. Well it was not practical. My mind knew it.. but my heart reveled in my idea.. and lets face it all possible inventions are potentially improbable when they were conceived isnt it ? Ah well.. so I pinged him! Shameless me.. but I didn't know who else to contact.. for he was one person who listened to me.. and credited me with intelligence. We had shared many a wacky ideas while in college.. and well he was the obvious choice. And to his credit he was receptive to me and we had the same camaraderie in an instant! he did pass some sarcastic comment as was his right and i profusely apologized and all was well in my world. 

He moved to USA to do his MS and surprisingly we still kept contact.. when I had break up he steered my mind clear of all the unpleasantness and invited me to open my eyes to possibilities to think to be what I was when I was in college an healthy mind brimming with thoughts and zest.. Ah well I dont wanna sound self pitying  :( but I envied him so.. the plans we had made together.. he had made it good and here i was languishing as a tech supp taking shit from people who think they are entitled to abuse just just coz we are Indians.. when we were helping them trouble shoot stuff that we can't even imagine using etc etc.. 

  His thesis was exciting .. his place his college.. everything came alive to me when we chatted and I lived precariously through him.. And I shed tears in frustration and in envy too.. So much so that once I couldnt contain and it burst through in office.. Others suggested that I stop chatting with him.. but how could I ? he held a vision of me which I had long forgotten myself.. briefly enough but still I was back to my college where was the most popular and a confirmed genius of my class. A place where professors had huge hopes of me..  Ah well.. so we continued to correspond.. 

I still remember one day in office I was in night shift and yet we chatted on phone for 5 hours.. yes 5 hours on ISD and we were discussing why separate state of South India not such a viable solution.. he was for it... n I was against.. the arguments were made with such passion that people wondered if we were face to face.. would we end up hurting each other physically and they were amazed when we put the phone down with so much bonhomie and good humor.. We were always able to argue without ever letting the ego come in between wrongly I mean we respected each other too much to ever spoil the friendship.. 

 The interesting point is we never ever discussed emotions, feelings or day today happenings It was always some idea some debate... or something that he would show me.. he used to sketch write poems etc etc,, ** those days I wouldn't write anything** Or we would discuss nature and dreams.. amazing amazing dreams! 

And then one day he stopped calling.. I guess it was that he got busy with his college exams etc etc.. and there was some issue with Indians getting job out there.. recession had just started but it was already affecting him.. he said he might have to come back so he was delaying completing his thesis as much as possible.. and then.. we lost contact. I wont say I was very diligent and I tried to contact him.. I didn't I always believed he will contact me when he is in the right mood.. as was the norm. and yet.. umm he never did.. 6 months down the line I sent him 2 sms asking whats up with him..  and I received calls from unknown numbers which I dont really pick up.. that again is a different story.. when I didnt respond the person smsed me.. Hi this is Tischi.. I received sms on my other no. "#$^^%" (his international cell #) may I know who you are ?

I was so shocked that he didn't save my number after all these years.. I cant really explain why.. but I felt extremely hurt and I didn't respond to him.. he did try to call me from his international mobile too.. but I never responded.. btw the other number was local else I wud have known its him.. coz I knew no one else who would call me from USA.. 

Anyways.. that was the end of it for now.. nah no sweet ending.. but I do have sweet sweet memories of him.. probably always will....  May be I will meet him in this marriage that I going for.. our classmates are getting married probably he might come. Lets see how things go.. but today for some reason he has been on my mind all day long .. I guess Tischi this one is for you :)

P.S: it is really interesting story behind his name.. as you can make out if you can the name is not indian... its russian infact Tischiel is the actual name. As he says while his mom was pregnant she read a lot of russian lit and she got so inspired that she named him thus. 

P.P.S: he had a nick name for me : Meenus  :) 

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A call of duty
Winnie the poohi
Few days ago Akshay asked me to guest post for his blog.. umm remember him?  Well so I decided to write a story there. 

Disclaimer: Its a total pot boiler of a story! So you might wanna miss it! But you are sweet enough to not wanna miss it.. umm please go here! 
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I learnt VII
Winnie the poohi
The probability of a particular person being interested in you is inversely proportional to your interest in that particular person with exception of special circumstances like two-sided love.

P.S: I mean really off late I have found that the more I am indifferent to few people.. the more they seem to be interested in me or rather the more call I get ;) Oh yeah am basking under the sun of attention :) 


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Car Trouble
Winnie the poohi

It was a rainy day. Nothing special about it. And Derek was frustrated. He was tired and wet and had a long way to go. If that wasn't enough his car broke down in the middle of no where. And he was hungry! And he kept walking down the road , dripping wet and extremely frustrated.

A perfectly pitiful sight. Indeed.. and yet it was one of the luckiest day in his life! Lucky you ask ? Yes very much. A perfect stranger came into his life at that moment. No it wasn't a hot babe . It was an old man with a kind smile and a kinder heart. He parked besides him and inquired what was wrong. Then simply handed over the car keys to Derek and left with an umbrella. Derek was astounded. He ran behind the old man and asked., " Whats wrong with you? How can you loan a car to a total stranger."

The old man replied with a smile, " Ah I am not loaning you! I am giving you as a gift"

"Are you crazy?" Derek screamed at him.

" There is an old saying, don't look inside the gifted horse's mouth. Just drive home"

"You are crazy! I don't want your car.. I don't trust you"

"Well choice is yours." Saying this the old man walks away and soon is hidden behind the curtain of rainfall.

Left alone, Derek examines the car for anything out of order. But everything was perfect and was totally new! After dithering for sometime he decided to use the car and left with it.

And the old man hidden behind the trees smiled softly.


Few months later,

Lisa was driving along a lonely stretch of road. It was high noon and she was tired. She was driving since last night. Running away from an abusive relationship, she was afraid and tired. And her car ran out of gas! She hyper ventilated!

She was in middle of nowhere. No farm no house in sight and the sun burned down her skin. Frustrated, she sat in her car smoking endless cigarettes , looking furtively here and there. Every once in a while some vehicle passed by, however never stopped. And then a kind old man came by and stopped his car. He gave her a lift to the nearest deli and they started to talk . She found herself telling him things about her past about her boyfriend. He lent her money to buy gas. And then he drove her back to her car. Towed the car to the nearest gas station and then when she started the car the car won't work. And he offered her his car.

"Oh no! I can't take it. You have already been too kind. Why would you do something like that ?"
"I can afford to. Don't worry child. You need it."
She was not easily convinced.  After a a lot of arguments, he said," I leave the car keys here" placing it on the the dashboard of her car. "The choice is yours honey" and leaves.

She dithers for a long time but something freaks her out. She decides not to take the car and tries to start her car again. And surprisingly the car starts and she is jubilant ! 

Somewhere down the road a car explodes and an old man smiles knowingly....  

Life  had so many things to offer, some don't seem to have the guts to accept the gifts. 

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Some humor...
Winnie the poohi
One of my friends sent me this forward.. I couldn't help but share it.. It may not be that funny to you.. however, with me looking out for easier ways of losing weight uhhhh this is big time funny :D :D


Even if you're not quite there, save this for handy reference for a great exercise which won't cost you hundreds at the gym....
 
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.

With a 2 kilo potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 3 kilo potato sacks. Then try 5 kilo potato sacks and then, over a period, eventually try to get to where you can lift a 40 kilo potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level).



After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack  ;-) :-D 


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Why not reservation?
Winnie the poohi
Rajeev was quite hard working lad. In his part of world there was no other way. For you see he was quite poor. Not poor enough to starve for food, thankfully their farm took care of it. And yet, they were poor enough for him to look out for scholarships to fulfill his dreams.

And what glorious dreams they were. Of going to city with bright orange lights with all its glittering glory and an office with its sleek desk made of glass and a state of art computer that twinkled in the dark corners of his eyes. Oh yes, he dreamt big.

No one really liked him much. For you can always see his nose buried deep inside books all the time. If he was not studying you would oft see him helping his father in the farm, for laborers were hard to find especially for the wages that they could afford. And if it was not the farm there always was livestock to be looked after and then there was market to be visited and grains to sell and manure to buy. When the mango groves tempted the kids to play to pluck the succulent fruits on the sly, you could see him earnestly reading his books for the coming year, giddily making use of the time left to him before the rain beckoned him back to the "chores".. And yet he dreamt.

And when he happened to get his results, he had scored a respectable 79% No one from his village had ever done so. Every one was jubilant but him. For you see , these marks were not enough to make his dreams to come true. He dreamt of being a software Engineer and studying in the big big city of dreams.. Mumbai..

Bokkya lived in the same village as Rajeev. He was the usual desultory kid of the neighbourhood who had no thought of going beyond his village. He was the son of the local corporator and they were rich.. Atleast richest in the village and he loved being the big fish in the small pond. And yet when he happened to scrape through 65% in the very same exam, his father started thinking about progress.

Rajeev had a hard time getting admissions in those big time fancy colleges. He had to settle for a college in the outskirts of the city and for a branch that he didn't fancy. It wasn't "IT" . Only consolation he had was of doing better in the first year and may be he can change branches. Besides he would be an "Engineer" something better than nothing isn't it ? And he would get a scholarship. The local politician who was himself from humble back ground was impressed by this lad.

Bokkya didn't have any issues getting an admission, again in the very same institution as Rajeev. in "IT" the stream that Rajeev so wanted and Bokkya didn't care any about.. If you have missed it, let me remind you Rajeev got 79% and Bokkya 65%.. wondering why this discrepancy ? For you see Bokkya was an "OBC" and Rajeev an "open category" student..

Thats caste discrimination for you in today's time. How can one punish sons (daughters) for the crimes of fathers (or mothers if you like) is beyond my comprehension !

If you want further story.. well after languishing in the same year for 3 years, Bokkya decided to call it quits and Rajeev was never allowed the transfer even after coming 1st in the college as there were no seats "free". [ In Mumbai University first year syllabus is same for all the branches]

If you have not figured it out yet, this IS a true story as it happened in front of my very eyes! And this makes me veritably against reservation!

For you see Bokkya is still lingering in his village being what his father was.. a corporator and Rajeev has done what these people wouldn't let him do.. He is an software engineer. His intelligence paved way for him. And if this doesn't make Rajeev feel superior to Bokkya I am not sure what else will make him..

If this is the way one will achieve the equality of masses.. I am sorry its never gonna happen. And till today we have incidences where gargantuan walls are made so that certain set of people cannot go to certain parts of the village .. coz of their "caste" I for one am not at all surprised.. for we are not impinging the line that separates us but deepening it with stupid rules that would never work for anyone but the politicians...

I have always maintained that I will never criticize unless I have an idea that would work and that can be propounded. This might seem a bit flighty and not practical enough .. but I think this would be the best way to go about..

I feel separate schools should be maintained for anyone who needs education ( Government have them but are not well run) and only those students should get any kind of grant.. for they will be economically lacking. I am sure under this all the down trodden will be covered and them rich low caste with deep pockets can be excluded for those kids would never agree to go to such schools where they have to hobnob with brethren who don't have proper set of clothes to wear even.. nor would their parents! I believe they should have schools/colleges for everything under the sun so that no one would be denied their dreams.. and when they come out of the educational institution.. please god please do not give them reservation.. give them equality! For struggle is important for the butterfly so that it can be beautiful! if you help it on its way.. no caterpillar would ever have strong wings to fly !

B.R Ambedkar, despite all the odds did come through.. and many such shining pearls would have.. if it wasn't for this reservation.. they are lost in complacency as they never had to struggle to carve their personality and are lost in ignominy of being the reserved classes.. something they were supposed to fight against..

I repeat.. reverse discrimination is in not the way of going about it!


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Change - A guest post.
Winnie the poohi
A wee girl of 15 asked me for friendship.. I was too happy to comply. She loved my poems ;) And we end up chatting and she sent me this beautiful post. I so want to share it with you guys! here it goes!


Change


She stood before the mirror, unnaturally still. But weak. She looked into her eyes. They were bloodshot, fresh from a violent bout of helpless crying; they were brimming with tears again. Or so saw the world. To her, they were a shattered self-confidence, dispiriting letdowns, burdensome expectations, unfulfilled wishes and thoughts of a colorless, seemingly irreparable life that she had most unwillingly lived the last three years. Her eyes were full again, and with an empty, hollow feeling, she saw a blurred view of her dreadful, cluttered life swim before her eyes. The remains of so many could-have-been happy moments and lifelong relationships. She saw, with a guilty longing, so many missed opportunities glide past her. She could not, could never befriend them now. They were as dead as ghosts, tempting to the desiring heart and foolish to the conscious mind. She thought of the light, peaceful little world she could have had. She could have had… And with a pang of numbing helplessness, her present shot across her skull, dead, degraded, befouled and never imagined. Tears came. Crocodile tears, dad had said. She inched closer to the mirror to look deeper into her eyes. A shudder ran down her body. No, she thought, it could not be. They were true. She felt numb, as if suspended between life and lifelessness by a ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Were her tears true? Had she ever expected such a moment so early in life, where she’d be left alone to stare at the questionable genuineness of her own tears? She stared into her eyes, groping silent answers to each question that had hindered her dreams. To search for reason, for problem, for solutions...for the truth behind her shutting herself to the world…to search for the truth behind the sudden death of her spirits, her zeal, her smile…the truth behind her turning cold, lazy, lifeless…and the truth behind those unfocused, unmoving eyes she saw in the mirror, to which she felt unrelated to…

Had she changed so much? How had she changed so much, so soon? Why had this sudden unwelcome change visited her perfect life and turned her world upside down, in an instant? Why had she changed more than others, more than her friends? Why had she changed so rapidly, with such intensity, to such a great degree that it was, at once, difficult to say she was the same one who lived three years back? No one liked this change in her. Why, then, had she not been able to drive this change away? Had she grown to like it? No, of course not. Had she gotten used to it? Perhaps. But this change wasn’t good. It was bad, very bad. All bad things go away. Why hadn’t this change left too? Aren’t three years a little too long for a bad thing to stay? To her, they had been an eternity. An upheaval. An entirely different world. Will this change stay long, longer still? How long will it stay? Had it to suck more meaning, usefulness out of her already limp life? When will it go, desert her? When will the old-worldly tranquility fill her life again? Why isn’t anything making the change go? Will it go back as suddenly as it arrived, or will she be back in a slow rhythm, as if recovering from a terrible disease? How will it mark its end? Will it ever end? Or, she thought, had it become the new constant in her life now?

This change was suffocating her, killing her spirit to live, marring her wishes to wish and dreams to dream more. It had built a wall around her, through with no emotion of self-righteousness, no lucky stroke of inspiration and no firm thought of determination could seep in. She plunged into the confusing whirlpool of her mixed-up thoughts. How had this change happened? Had she facilitated this change? Had she helped raise that seemingly unbreakable wall of ever undesirable complacency, those stagnating thoughts of prolonged inactivity? Has it all happened by chance, just like that? Or was she destined for this confused existence? Was she, or was she not? Why had she been blessed with those wonderful early years of life? She had been brilliant. A brilliant student, brilliant daughter, brilliant sister, brilliant friend. Why these stokes of incomparable brilliance? Were they only to become a happy memory in these dark, uneventful times? Is this undesirable change really her destiny? No, it could not be…no. She clutched at this thought with the desperation of a drowning man. No, all those years could not just be a memory, they had meant something…

She longed to live those years of never-ending happiness again. So deep, so intense, a longing. Why then, was it not making her drive away this change? Perhaps, her longing was not strong enough. But why wasn’t it strong enough? How could she make it strong enough? By being honest? By being truthful? By being determined? She breathed out a tired, exhausted sigh. Honesty…truthfulness…determination, she repeated in her mind. Several times, in a sort of dreary litany. Honesty…truthfulness…determination. Where could she find them? Within her, of course. But were they still there, within her heart? In a lonesome corner, perhaps. Was she sure they were still there? If they were, why hadn’t they shown themselves? Had they left? She trembled. Apparently, yes. Why had they left? Where had they gone to? What had caused them to part with her? She pondered for a moment. The change? Did they fear the change? Did she fear change herself? What was it that she feared about that undesirable change? Did she fear fighting the change? Why? What more could the change do to her? It had already done so much harm, made her so much miserable. What more could it do? Could it do more? A chill ran down her spine, her thoughts became desperate. Was there no way of making this change go? Could she ever make it go? What if she stopped fearing it? What if she decided to fight? Would she? Could she?

Her eyes widened. She stared back at her own reflection in disbelief.
She could have sworn she saw it, a little twinkle in her eye.
For the first time in three years, she felt purposefully excited, aroused.
She felt something stir inside her.

What?
A change, perhaps.


By Esha Sood




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Reservations...
Winnie the poohi
Reservations for women has always been a controversial topic.  some are in favor of it and others are not. I fall in the later category. It doesn't make sense to me that how can a previlaged upbringing make you feel equal. 

I mean, men and women are equal and yet women get a privilaged push coz they are women. This is where the logic fails. You cannot make a woman feel equal to men unless there is no inequality.. neither for men nor for women. 

And is reservation a privilage is again a debatable topic for me. 

Lets take for example local trains. A train has around 12 compartment out of which there are only 3 compartments for females. Even considering that there is a huge discrepancy in sex ratio ( 922/1000) and the fact that part of females are housewives ( well they also travel for shopping et al) We can atleast say that there is 1 female for every 2 men. And this means logically the space alloted to females should be 4 compartments out of 12.. This reservation business has actually limited the mobilty of females.

Now moving back to educational sector again, the 33% reservation that we talk about is actually a sham. I mean the 'progressive' females of metro need no reservation. They go to the same school and same coaching classes as men. So in no way are they differentiated but during the admission. If the admissions were open it might be possible that there are more females than men in the classes ;)  ** This might be one of the reasons why the reservation is there. I mean like females cover themselves up coz men cant control their sexual impulses.. this also might be a cover up**  Okay. I am stretching the argument here. But my point still stays. Atleast for the urban woman.. there is no need for reservations!  

Now lets consider non metro areas. Frankly most of the seats either go empty or are converted into management seats coz females are not allowed to pursue. And hence it really makes no sense.  nearly 60 years have passed by and we atleast have 2 generation of people born after independence. We females have got enough handicap. Its time for us to have equality not with concessions but with dignity.

The very act of reservation for me spells out that "we" are backward in someway and that deters the feeling of being equal.

Like the double stds in our constitution... All men are equal and yet some are privilaged for life not coz they need it but coz they are of a particular caste! And yet we de cry that caste discrimination has not died down. It wont ever die down unless we stop this discrimination for real.. and not play act at it.

If we make excuses for the discriminations they would never stop! Be it on gender basis or caste basis! 

Okay I am done! I know again quite a controversial post for me.. Well I just had to write this.. with so many posts that I am reading offlate on these topics...

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