Like this silver lining... Have you ever wanted to look for something better ?? I always do.. I am never satisfied by anything in my life.. I mean.. lets take a simple example of shopping.. especially for a purse.. I am not a purse kinda person.. I like small jholas.. or well wallets.. I dont like just any wallet.. I like them unique ones... * well there arent any unique jholas.. but i like ones that are atleast not very common.. trendy stuff strict no no*

So when I go shopping... I search each and every shop.. and if i am not satisfied .. I wont buy it.. lest I miss something better that comes in the way.. even after buying i dont stop looking *Le Sigh!* Lets say I did like something.. its not like i would buy it! I would still scourge the whole lot and then buy it...

This is only for the stuff I really love.. like bracelets.. and finger rings and purses.. Rest like clothes and all.. I dont bother much..

Err.. My point is.. even if i like a stuff.. I would still search for something better..

Let me give one more example... If i am kinda watching TV.. I am liking what i am watching.. lets say my favorite song and all.. and yet.. I change channels.. I dont wanna miss something better on the other channels.. most often than not.. there isnt any thing good in the new channel n i miss seeign the channel where that nice song was coming.. All in all its not a good habit.. looking for something better.. coz you never know what is in the future.. but u do about whats in present..

I guess the samething has happened with regards to guys... I have not had a real big crush since college... I mean someone I would bother to ogle.. steal glances and all that jazz... I think I will die spinster *sob sob sob*

After ages of dillydallying I finally deleted my profile.. To tell the truth its not easy..And I didnt get any support from anyone.. :| :|

From disbelief that a girl like me can keep away from orkut... to being hurt that I deleted it.. no one seems to understand my need... surprisingly not even my sister... I guess its been a bigger part in my life than I believed coz even my sis was concerned if anyone said anything!

LMAO!!

So how do I feel about all this ? I am morose.. yep very morose.. but one fine day I just have to face it.. and I am doing it today.. *sigh* I may have used orkut 100 times today.. Ask my co -workers! LOL!

And the day has not been easy... Yesterday, I logged into orkut even after deleting it.. surprisingly.. I could log on.... I know I got tempted.. but I didnt think overcoming this obsession would be as easy of deleting the profile.. but I know.. am on the right path!!!

So after logging in on orkut.. I deleted the profile again! And the next time when I tried to log in.. I could not! * damn right I tried again!!* Things cant be easy can they ? But I am proud that I deleted it again.. but sad that I couldnt resist it :(

If things would stop at that *sighs* I made one more profile * I can see your smug expressions* :( :(

But deleted it again .. luckily.. I havent tried after that!

Well so at the end of first day... I wasnt really very successful.. but not unsuccessful either I am aghppy with my progress [:)]

P.S: Nishant you may be right.. replacing one with another... I watch TV now :( :( But sooner or later I wil come on right track.. Its not like I would improve in a day!!

Today I came out with a frightfully amazing idea! Dream a date!! I can see you ppl clucking your tongues

Well a gals gotta do what she gotta do... If no guy would take u out on dinner.. u ahve to make do wid dreams wid like situated ppl :)


So.. I had a virtual date with 2 of the guys...

Wid one of the guy.. we chose to go to an open air restruant.. planned to have wine and cocktail with Mexican cuisine.. Before we can expand on this... we got rudely interrupted..


With the second guy...

He chose to be a bigshot who would take me to the moon for valentine.. All out to impress isnt he?

Starting with a limo to the space shuttle.. with a mini bar well stocked with champagne... We rocked from the start.

Next seeing the amazing stars.. being one with them for some moments.... Watching the earth down below... feeling soo small and yet feeling special... we landed on moon..


I should tell you how happy i was.. i weighed 1/6th of what i am!! :D :D :D

On this happy note we had one more shot of champagne.. err do we say flute/glass of ? or shot of?

Who cares! we had champagne and toasted to each other.. this followed wid dinner which was no doubt and exquisite affair!

With amazing mouth watering delicacies... Indian cuisine ofcourse.. topped with julab jamun as the desert..

If that wasnt enough we had one of the most amazing desert!!!



And then.....

We had planned for a boat ride.. however the hotshot got a call and had to leave..

Since work is worship.. we decided to stop there and continue from where we have left later..

With promises for tomorrow we parted *sigh*

Wasnt this amazing ?

No I am not talking about my best friend.. yes I am gonna talk about the movie.. By far I am not the movie person.. If you ask me about any movie most prolly i wouldnt have seen it.. but this movie..

I have seen like 10-15 times and yet time and again.. I keep seeing it.. from the start till the end.. its not the story that intrigues me.. its the little details in the story that does..

The most amazing part of the story is the characters of the hero n julia roberts.. you got it right! I dont know his name.. who cares Duh!

So... one of the best scenes that I love about this movie is the end... When julia kisses the hero..and he run behind his love.. cameron diaz.. right till the end.. the way julia accepts her crime... The humor with which the hero takes in her misdemeanor..

And the second best part is the last exchange of the two divas... the way julia does her duty as the best friend...

And when they are married n going for honeymoon.... The hero comes back to give the last hug to his best friend.. THAT was the bestest of bestest scene for me.. Coz that shows the love between friends better than anything else... You can forgive ur friend a lot more than u wud ever forgive ur family!

And not the least... the last dance sequence... I will say a lil prayer for you.. the last dance we could say.. it rockxxxxx!!

I wish I had a friend like that.. who would support me the way George does for Juliana.. or Jules [:D]


If you havent seen the movie.. u better see it!!

I reach home. Tired and a little bit miffed. Dad left for mumbai and I couldnt see him off. Somehow I couldnt even talk to him on fone! *pathetic*

Home... a muffled voice of TV... changing shadows as I lie on the sofa..

In some time I get up have a glass of water... Need no food... And then slowly moving to the computer... For the usual thingy.. And yet.. today is different.. As I smoke my first cigarette... down comes the rain

Plop plop.. tic tip... slowly.. gently.. the breeze caresses me.. brings wid it.. wet smell of fresh grass.. delightful..

Unknowingly, my legs moves out to terrace.. It needs to be welcomed...Soon I have a partner in crime.. u guessed it sweety [:d]

And then.. we dance in silence sweety n me! As the raindrops drench me .. slowly but surely.. I feel my senses being assaulted.. with pleasure...

Dispelling the gloom that collected in the corner of my eye...

As tears mingled with water.. cloaking me in collage of water as it starts pouring.. As if.. heaven knew I need a hug..

I stood there mutely .. As I was purified.. And then it stopped.. only thing that would remind me of this rain was the wet cigarette stub.. still clinging in my hand...

Rain came unexpectedly.. so does tears nowadays.. needs no reason..no invite

I had a pathetic day today! Cold n sneezing n cough.. didnt brighten my mood a bit.. Somehow even chatting wid ppl i usually chat is bugging me bigtime.. and yet I cannot not chat wid them..

So well i was kinda depressed when i reached home that dad wont be around today.. not that he really talks much or anything.. its just that the fact that someones home... :| :|

So I return home.. to a cold empty place.. silence all around.. silence in my heart.. no anticipation no one to worry abt me!

I come back to a cold hearth.. not a plate of food.. not a cup of coffee.. who has time to bother??


Slowly I collect the hastily strewn clothes.. as one tear escapes un knowingly..

And before i know.. its a steady rainfall...

And on some days...

I come home.. loll on the sofa.. Look around and feel happy.. this sofa i sit on.. i bought it.. that TV that dining table... The cot the bed.. The washing machine fridge..every damn thing ours!

mine n my sisters.. its just 2 years and we have done so much.. yes we did it!
I feel glad.. I feel tall! taller than my 5 ft 1 inches!

I feel great!

And yet somedays.. it seems empty.. and .. it haunts me... Like some unknown sorrow on a cold wintery night!

May be its just reflection of my moooodddd n nothing whatsoever to do with emptiness
May be the emptiness is in my soul and no where else.....

I think that more than the event itself.. Anticipation is more fun..

A bitter sweet emotion
A rain in the sun
A drop of tear while having fun

Isnt it?

I mean.. have u ever waited for rain all the summer? isnt the first shower fun? but soon we lose interest y ? coz there is no anticipation.. for ppl wid silver spoon in their mouth sucess has not much meaning.. they r used to it,,,

Now look for a guy from marshes!

Ask him what success is.. ambitious one ofcourse...

He will have sooo much anticipation... and when he achieves that much satisfaction...

then isnt there more fun in anticipation??

Do u anticipate things?

Today one of my school friends wrote me a testimonial.. Took me back to the school days.. there is not much to remember actually.. i mean i dont have much happy memories..

Figure this .. a sloppy girl with no homework ever done.. one who keeps asking questions.. even if she knows the answer.. even if the teacher repeatedly asks her to keep quiet.. one who always knows answers during revisions but never ever comes first.. with the filthiest handwriting around.. one who is put down as a "problem child" in teachers report.. *sigh* I was a pain in the ass.. I had this silent rebelllion.. i will accept any punishment but wont ever complete my homework.. even if i am made to stand outside my class for 15 days.. finally teacher had to give in...

Someone who never made close friends.. someone whom ppl wud trod on.. It was a lonely experience until later...

Till this date i never submitted my marathi homework... even if i scored less except maths.. thats where i found my salvation.. i was the best at it!

The generally proclaimed genius who never scored.. most teachers gave me up for being a loser.. like some brilliant child that never ever shines.. until sabita teacher.. our English teacher.. she made me dreams about poets.. i loved English like a creeper.. gorging and wanting more... It is she who asked me.. whats wrong with u meena? why did the other teacher marked u as problematic?? u see my sister.. the best student of her class.. was this teachers pet.. she was expecting something like that from me.. but was disappointed *still hurts sometimes*

Still the best part of school would be the scholarship days.. we had rocking fun! absolutely.. that was the year when for the first time i took part in dance.. I was hopeless actually.. and yet the people who were teaching me.. pragati's sisters were soooo patient with me!

So was her mom who would gladly give us breakfast... it was a revalation to see their wonderful family... ours was best a very aloof family..

I think i wouldnt have ever become what I am now.. if it wasn't for Grace teacher.. Only one teacher who was sure i will achieve something... She inspired me.. by her words.. her encouragement.. more so by her absolute faith in me :)

And ofcourse JK sir.. my tution sir.. He absoluetly bolstered me for what i wanted.. I was the star pupil of his class and he wanted to make sure that i really stay upto it..

My tution time was the most amazing time in my childhood.. just after my mom died.. I actually made friends for real.. isnt it ironic.. all my 9 years of schooling i didnt have a single friend to be called a " friend" and then suddenly overnight.. i had a bunch of friends ... A group..

I think the most beautiful retribution i ever got was when on a chance meeting .. I met the teacher who had tagged me as problematic and that i wouldnt ever progress...

She was shocked to see me.. doing engineering and all.. esp in out batch of 25 i was the one who was doing engineering and all her pets didnt fare that well.. It was satisfactory indeed..

Since few days I had this huge knot.. it was there even today till the night.. but since i came from office to home.. something changed.. i feel light again :)

Alrite!

The weather is just spectacular.. just right to have a nice heart felt chat :)

Somehow this funny idea has come to my mind .. I want to describe how my "man" should be

1) Sense of humor.. a big time must!
2) Kindness
3) Ambitious but must make me his first priority
4) Should love poems and dogs and reading.. or shud have active hobbies to let me b free to read..
5) Must like long walks
6) Romance is a plus point not strictly required
7) shouldnt be very possessive insecure n jealous.. thats my department :P :P :P
8)Positive attitude! I actually cant stand pessimism!
9) A good listener... Should have endless patience where i am concerned
10) should start n end a day with me.. but in between his focus should be diverted to others too.. If i want a pet.. i will keep one..dont need a husband for that!
11) A family man obviously.. A man who doesnt respect his family wont ever respect me
12) Must be frank.. up on ur face.. when one talks in hints and nudges.. i dont get anything..
13) I am not his object neither is he mine.. Mutual respect is must
14) Must like nature... like hiking etc... If he doesnt mind me being fat.. it would be amazing!
15) Most important of all.. I should be sexually attracted to him :D :D

Any takers?