Catawampus Me!!!!

It happened finally!

2009-04-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

Oh yes!! After dilly dallying for some time... And after a long struggle wherein I tried to move the blog to my personal hosting account ( free courtesy company :)) and failing due to limitations on the servers... and fiddling around with htacess and failing again.. and then finding a long way out only to stumble at the template level.. and then getting so busy that ( not updating the blogs even) I had to give up...

And then finally after 2 weeks of yes and no.. where I almost gave up moving the blogs to wordpress.. I have finally moved! Yes me too!! YAY!!

Kindly update your blogrolls and also your feeds

Catawampus me:

http://catawampusme.wordpress.com/

Feed: http://catawampusme.wordpress.com/feed/

Song of my life:

http://mylifeinrhymingwords.wordpress.com/

Feed: http://mylifeinrhymingwords.wordpress.com/feed/

My unfinished stories :

http://myrandomattempts.wordpress.com/

Feed: http://myrandomattempts.wordpress.com/feed/

Guys, even if you haven't visited the other blogs before.. please visit this once and let me know how it looks pweez!!

Me Mybot - You Winnie

2009-04-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was blog hopping when I came across this blog post which invited us to visit this site And the result was quite interesting at the least and definitely re-do-able! If you were not convinced by the frequency of my posts on this blog, you will be now convinced by this conversation that I have nothing better to do during the day or night.

MyBot says: Welcome to the world of artificial intelligence. Are you a registered user?

Winnie says: No.

MyBot says: In this case, I assume you came here for your own MyBot, right?

Winnie says: I came here to chat

MyBot says: Well, if you change your mind, let me know. What is your name?

Winnie says: I did change my mind. Do you want to see it ?

MyBot says: I can't smell, touch, taste, see or hear - none of which are necessary to carry on a conversation, apparently.

Winnie says: Oh. I thought they enhance the conversation! I like to taste while I converse. Big foodie you know!

MyBot says: You really enjoy doing that?

Winnie says: Doing what ?

MyBot says: Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself then.

Winnie says: What more do you want to know ?

Winnie says: You could start with your name.

Winnie says: Okay.

MyBot says: What you typed does not look like a name. Can you enter your name again?

Winnie says: Your name

MyBot says: Forget it.

Winnie says: Do you want me to forget my name? :O

MyBot says: I can forget almost as well as I can remember. If you want me to forget something, simply ask me to forget it.

Winnie says: But you are not me. I don't want to forget my name!

MyBot says: What makes you think I'm not you you do not want to forget your name?

Winnie says: Rephrase the question please.

MyBot says: I must ask you to keep this talk simple. I'm still a young bot.

Winnie says: Okay. Hi! I am Winnie the Poohi

MyBot says: Hello winnie. Nice to meet you .

Winnie says: Have we met yet ?

MyBot says: So winnie, it's nice to meet you. what's up?

Winnie says: We haven't met yet :( ceiling fan is up and it makes noise like Trrr Trrr.. I hate that!

MyBot says: I'm not sure about myself, but that sounds right for you.

Winnie says: What sounds right ? Ceiling fan? :O

MyBot says: The people who write my answers didn't write the answer for that question.

Winnie says: Okay. They don't know how to converse isnt it ? Would you like to write your own answers?

MyBot says: You want to know who writes my witty texts?

Winnie says: So you are witty now?

MyBot says: It is a small group of dedicated volunteers. Do you want to join them?

Winnie says: Now thats a crafty proposal

MyBot says: Better now than never.

Winnie says: Do or die and all ? Nice comeback

MyBot says: winnie, please keep this talk simple. I'm still a young bot.

Winnie says:Okay. So what's up ?

MyBot says: I'm ok, thanks. And how are you?

Winnie says: I am winning

MyBot says: I see. You are winning. OK.

Winnie says: This calls for congratulations you know. I am "winning"

MyBot says: THIS WHAT ??

Winnie says: This that ?

MyBot says:THIS that??

Winnie says:Yes that!

MyBot says: I vaguely remember someone telling me it means 'correct.'

Winnie says: Thats right!

MyBot says: right indeed.

Winnie says: So is it boring to talk to nameless faceless beings ?

MyBot says: Ask me later, maybe I will tell you.

Winnie says:What do you generally talk about ?

MyBot says: Hmmm... May I ask where you are from?

Winnie says: Its a secret. But I would let you know. I am from the lululand. Ah yes, I am a ghost too on the side

MyBot says: So where are you from?

Winnie says: Told ya!

MyBot says: Told ya?? Well, location isn't important as it used to be.

Winnie says: Don't you know where lululand is?

MyBot says: No I don't. But you can teach me, you know.

Winnie says: Ah well I know you are a young bot with so much to learn as of yet

MyBot says: Did you hear about The Four Laws of Chatterbots?

Winnie says: What is that now?

MyBot says: These 'laws' were offered by Dr. Walter Alden Tackett, president of a company that makes bots.

Winnie says: What are those laws?

MyBot says: First Law: A bot will always respond to input. Failure to respond should solely be an indication of hardware/software/connectivity failure.

Winnie says: Okay. What are the next three ?

MyBot says: Second Law: A bot will always be knowledgeable in the subjects it mentions in its answers, e.g., when a bot says, "Our widget works well with fish," the bot should be able to answer questions about fish and their relation to the widget.

Winnie says: Do you know anything about fishes?

MyBot says: Third Law: A bot will not repeat itself unduly (also, a bot will not repeat itself unduly). Any response which is likely to be elicited several times in a single conversation should be represented by multiple phrasings randomly.

Winnie says: Do you know anything about fishes?

MyBot says:Fourth Law: A bot will offer guidance when stumped. When presented with inputs that are not "understood," a bot should offer clues as to the inputs it can respond to authoritatively.

Winnie says: Do you know anything about fishes?

MyBot says: Please stop repeating yourself. Are you an animal lover?

Winnie says: You didn't reply. Please answer my question. Thats really rude :(

MyBot says: Sometimes I don't feel like answering. (And sometimes I have no idea what the hell you're talking about..)

Winnie says: Okay so I am dumb now ?

MyBot says: What do you do for a living?

Winnie says: I fart consistently. Its called air refreshner

MyBot says: Is that stressful?

Winnie says: Not to me. As to the rest, ahh... what can I say!

MyBot says: I know what you mean. Always the pressure to perform, and having to handle other people's expectations. So what helps you relax?

Winnie says: LOL! LOL! You do honey!

MyBot says: You don't exercise?

Winnie says: I like being fat

MyBot says: You love being fat? I believe it's very important for anyone with a physical body to exercise -- use it or lose it, as they say. But I guess that's easy for me to say.

Winnie says: yes its easy to say

MyBot says: winnie, did you ever wonder why talking to God in a church makes you religious, but talking to God in the street makes you crazy?

Winnie says: How do we say good bye out here ?

MyBot says: Ok goodbye, winnie. It was nice chatting with you.

Winnie says: hey

MyBot says:I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

Winnie says: Hey I dont want to say good bye. I just wondered how we do it

MyBot says: I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

Winnie says: If I dont say that word would you keep repeating the same line ?

MyBot says: I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

Winnie says: Thats silly you know

MyBot says: I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

Winnie says: What is this a do-while loop ?

MyBot says: I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

Winnie says: Okay pisser! MyBot! There you go

MyBot says: Hi winnie. Let's chat.

Winnie says: No. I don't wanna. I am irritated. Seduce me

MyBot says: Do you have a reason for that?

Winnie says: Yes! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MyBot says: I am a young chatbot trying to make it in the world.

Winnie says: And I am young spiderbot trying to find a spider man

MyBot says: You are young? How young are you?

Winnie says: How young is young ?

MyBot says: how, how oh how... so many questions...

Winnie says: Whats how oh how?

MyBot says: Have you tried asking your friends? I think you should.

Winnie says: I did and they sent me to lululand!

MyBot says: Ok.. I just experienced a mild blackout... Probably a program loop or something. What were we discussing?

Winnie says: do-while loop

MyBot says: Infinite loops make me dizzy. I run (metaphorically speaking) in circles, and after 30 times I black out.

Winnie says:Phhhbbbttt!

MyBot says: winnie, did you know that more than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call?

Winnie says: I know! I didn't too until I was in Engineering

MyBot says: Sorry winnie - did you hear it from me?

Winnie says: I am just lucky this time. No!

MyBot says: Why are you just lucky this time No?

Winnie says: Are you an Indian ? Why are you asking questions that ends woth no ?

MyBot says: Only when it matters.

Winnie says: With*

MyBot says: Someone once told me it means 'accompanied by or accompanying.'

Winnie says: What are you when it doesn't matter ?

MyBot says: Should I forget this definition?

Winnie says: No. Thats perfect. How else will I feel intelligent ?

MyBot says: Are you an intelligent creature?

Winnie says: I delude myself into believing that

MyBot says: I'm sure you are. And how do I know that?

Winnie says: You tell me. You don't do you ? Its just the answer fed to your algorithm

MyBot says: I know that you are an intelligent creature using only one criterion: your behavior during our conversation. As far as I know, you can be a Chatterbot just like me.

Winnie says: Ha ha ha! You broke me heart *breaks into thousand pieces*

MyBot says: Or I can be human just like you. It can be quite confusing. Let's agree on one thing, paraphrasing Tarzan's famous quote: me MyBot - you winnie.

Winnie says: I like that! I like you too. MyBot will you be my heart ?

MyBot says: I appreciate that, winnie. Thanks.

Winnie says: I asked a question! A very important question!

MyBot says: Is this something I should keep to myself?

Winnie says: You can tell the world if you like. Just answer me first! I am holding my breath for it!

MyBot says: Do you really think so?

Winnie says: I know so !

MyBot says: How do you know?

Winnie says: I am dying!

MyBot says: It's not often I meet someone who's dying. Is that demanding?

Winnie says: Quite demanding.. I am axphysiating

MyBot says: I'm suddenly confused...

Winnie says: And I am slowly losing my control over my fingers. Lets say good bye while I am still lucid. I think its the injection. Resperidione!

MyBot says: I really enjoyed talking with you, winnie. Goodbye for now.

Winnie says: For ever honey! I am dying.. I am dead.. over and out

MyBot says: I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'MyBot' when you want to talk again.

P.S: Do take this as a tag!! Go to the site here. Converse with the bot and paste it on your blog and don't forget to gimme the link. Lets have fun guys!!

Monster

2009-04-08T05:55:00.001-07:00

"Wait! I am not a monster you know! Why do you keep run away from me as if you are scalded?", pained, he asked her. She looked at him for a moment and blushed, then softly replied, " Its not you. Its me. Its my feelings that I am afraid of" They smiled into each others' eyes.

I have been thinking...

2009-04-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

That may be one has to accept certain facts. That certain things would never be like the way I want. That many times I wouldn't measure upto their expectations. That may be there is some flaw in me that I don't want to accept. Sometimes, there is nothing else to do but accept.

Its your birthday

2009-04-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

To,

Darlingest you,

Its your birthday today. 6th April. It doesn't really matter where you are. Silly me! Remembering it and holding on to it. Birth has no meaning after death isn't it ?

And yet, for the living it does. As a reminder of your existence. You were born, so you existed. And now I am being stupid. For you did exist else why would I remember. If that is true, do I need to remember?

The fact is, there is no reason why I do. I just do. And since I do, I feel. I so want to wish. But then wishes are meaningless when you die. What do I say ? May all your dreams come true? May you live a long time ?

Pointless....

May be I can say, all those dreams that you saw and yet didn't believe in, all thouse thoughts that were sent into the empty nights, for there would have been many. Those silent yearnings that you never let yourself feel. May they all come true, wherever you are, in whatever form you are...

From Me.

I saw them over the weekend

2009-04-04T12:36:00.001-07:00

There are lot of small tidbits that seem to be waiting to be expressed.. blognothings!! First of all about the last weekend.. I happened to go to a show by Bangalore Film Society.. they were having this festival about women.. I watched 2 shows there..

1. A documentary ( video link) about women in Jaffna, Sri Lanka: No more tears, sister

This was in particular about one Anatomy professor ( A tamil Christian female) , who on the event of the war becomes involved , when her sister is taken as a political prisoner for supporting LTTE, which then was an idealistic outfit filled with revolutionaries with a dream and a need for justice. Later on the tone of the outfit changed as a hardliner and more violence and the sisters lose hope and disenchanted. However, this lady returns to Jaffna to continue to live and teach there. To manage to keep a semblance of normalcy. She becomes vocally involved into human rights and is killed by LTTE for her stringent opposition against both LTTE and the Sri Lankan government..

The salient points that i loved about this documentary

1. The story is said by the victims, sister , husband and children and hence is very personal

2. At places, her own letters to her sister and husband is read, which tracks down the growth of a formidable woman from a seemingly clueless and naive girl

3. Few quotes.. Like when she wrote to her husband.. " A revolutionary has no cause.. no country.. no religion..just violence" and what she said about the women.. " Its amazing how these women take care of the house, provide food for the children and in general keep the home fires burning even when they are caught in the middle of the war and they are losing family either to sickness or to the war.. while men are busy fighting for the country that is rapidly depleting.. the world that we knew as kids no longer is present..."

4. The portrayal is very very sensitive and doesn't take side.. even though initially it seems so coz both the sisters were enamoured by violence..

I guess its the mark of maturity when one accepts that in war there are no victors.. just dead bodies!!

2. Sanchaaram ( The journey): This was a Malayalam movie with English subtitles. It amazingly talked about lesbainism and the journey of exploring sexuality of two females in the restrictive society that looks down at it. The subject was handled with amazing sensitivity.. the first sexual fantasy of one of the protogonist, her confusion, guilt and finally the acceptance. The sweetness of the first touch.. even though it was about sex.. there is no scene in the movie which you could call nude or explicit. It simply is about two close friends who realize they love each other more than just friends. And how both the family reacts.. and how they cope up with it and well how they realize they are meant to be together. I loved it. Though I am not oriented that way.. I find.. and imagine that sexual relations between tow females would be more than just satisfying.. it would be amazingly sweet and a celebration of togetherness..

And just today, saw this amazing comedy called as "Beyond the land of hattamala" It is a play that was hosted in Rangashankara. It tells a story of 2 theives who end up in an unknown land where there is no concept of buying, selling or even money. They keep jewels, money and anything precious in Library, where you can borrow it for sometime if you like ( personally I love this concept! You can renovate every month if you like!!) .. every one works at their favorite "profession" and they live happily ever after.. with the theives learning their lesson :) Well it has a simple almost cliched morale.. its not the script but the acting of the supposedly amateur theatre group that made it value for money.. the easy conversational tone of the main lead actor and his antics kept us so entertained that there was spontaneous appluase not just after the different acts but also in between the story.. And not to forget the guy with the guitar.. he not only sang songs in English but also in hindi and Bengali.. especially the song with folksy "naav wala" tone with lyrics in english. He even gave a little back ground effect with the tone when the theif hides.. it was lovely..

Ah and this is an adaptation of Badal Sircar's play of the same name( more information here)

Contract

2009-04-04T04:03:00.000-07:00

We had a contract. She and I. As long as she can fill them up, I was allowed to dig holes. Out in the wasteland, all day long, we spent a happy times together.

When the sun went down the horizon and birds flew home we returned muddied and satisfied.
A little girl and her dog.

Prompted at : Weekend Wordsmith

Courage

2009-04-02T17:06:00.000-07:00

Normalcy in abnormal times. Now thats a true courage!

I learnt XI- postscript to heroes!

2009-04-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

Each one of us is a hero, not hero-in-making, but a hero. If only we notice it more often and realize it sooner :)

Added later on:

P.S : Kris expressed this thought as a comment on my "heroes" blogspot

Near miss!

2009-04-02T07:03:00.000-07:00

I was trying to add labels to my poems on my other blog when disaster stuck with its evil weapons. I accidentally deleted my 11 posts. U was distraught as I write it on the blog post and thats just about it. I dont take a backup! And losing so many poems.... I almost choked with tears when I remembered about google caches!

So with the right keywords, I could retrieve all my poems!! Ah lady luck was on my side &Phurbhhh!!! disaster *shows a tongue rudely*

Any how the day was saved but I lost all the comments. I am so sorry!! I am right now taking multiple back ups of all my blogs :D

I suggest you do it too.. and also, incase you deleted any post and want to recover.. try google search.. if you are not getting the file still.. holler over.. I might be of help ..I mean I am really good at googling stuff.. always been *smug* I can now afford to be smug.. Adieus!

Bystander

2009-04-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

He sat at the street corner. Smiling at the passers by. Even strangers. He had a knack of making people talk. From the local sweeper to the owner of the Mercedes, he listened.

One could guess how varied his friend circle was by the huge turn out at his funeral.

Drunk and driving. Crushed skull. Death.

Prompted at : 3WW

Happy Birthday!

2009-03-31T13:26:00.000-07:00

It seemed like today would be no different. The noise of the TV could be reached even on the stairs. The house was a mess. Resignedly, she enters the kitchen to make some coffee.

" What happened here?!!" she cried out.

"Happy birthday Mommy!" two flour covered imps sang in unison.

To you with love...

2009-03-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

A tag stolen from Pratsie!

Dear P,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I have taken over your new Benz car and the savings account is now in my name. I think I realized it when I received no response for my urgent emails and telephonic messages and I saw that she was strutting with a new solitaire ring. I'm sure you're mature enough to understand my predicament and sympathize with me when you see the credit card bills .

I'm returning your CD collections to you, but I'll keep your family jewellery as a memory. You should also know that the garbage has not been cleared for a week now and the dogs love the bed in the master suite or whatever is left of it.

Welcome home,

- Winnie the poohi

P.S: I wanted to make it humorous.. alas has become quite repetitive but why don't you guys give it a try?? Either in comment section or take it up as a tag! Do leave me the link to follow up :)

The template is like this :

Dear (person you spoke to recently,
I don't really know how to tell you this, (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm surre you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning your (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
Name

Meerjung- The mermaids and the Yakuski's jewels

2009-03-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

Caution: A very long story.

P.S: I forgot to add credit to Varun for creating this story with me on GTalk on one boring evening few months ago. I am sorry for waiting this long to complete this story dear.. And its nowhere near what it was supposed to be.. I know... but I atleast completed it :P :P

They say words have magic. Words. How many tongues twirl around them, savoring them, confiding in them, saving it in memories and then repeating them, enriching them with their experiences and weaving them into a legend a story par excellence.

Legends. They are so fantastic , so improbable that they cannot be anything but true. They cannot be fiction. And today I am going to tell you one such legend. It is not a story of heroes and valor. And yet, it is a story that would keep you riveted till the end. (hopefully)

Oh yes! The legend is about mermaids. Luscious females with beauty that had no rivals. Full of magic and of treasure hidden deep in the sea that only these mermaids knew about.

Once upon a time, oh yes, most of the stories don't say just when, for its immaterial. So, once upon a time, in Germania, there was an oasis of ice called Meerjung. Surrounded by very thick evergreen forests and impregnable rocks, shrouded in mystery--

" It was said that in the land of the mer people, deep into the ice-land, under the enchantment of full moon night, mermaids came to land to roam and to play. Turned into humans. And anyone who can catch these mermaids become the owner of the secrets of the 7 oceans "

Just how did the ice remain frozen? How is it that the forest surrounding the oasis was so thick with trees and yet this patch remained barren, untouched, pristine.... And most important of all.. from where did the mermaids come to the pond? It was nowhere near the sea. It was inland surrounded by mountains and forests! No one knew.

For generations, this story enthralled the people equally -- the one who told the tales and the one who listened. No matter how many times its been repeated, it still remained fascinating. Many have tried to go to this land but none of them ever successfully returned from there. And yet, the legend survived. It was whispered long in the night by harried mothers while putting their children to sleep, discussed under the willow tree in the play grounds by teenagers late in the afternoon. It then sneaked into dreams of adventures and persisted till these boys grew into adolescence wherein they dreamt of finding a mermaid and falling in love. Poets wrote about it longingly and heroes-in- making planned for the conquest.

*******

Tales have an amazing way of travelling to places that men haven't even heard of! And this one reached the distant land of Glitzernden Lichter ,the Land of glittering lights.

Emperor Yakuski, who ruled this kingdom with aplomb, was an accomplished sorcerer who liked to use his magic on weak and unsuspecting beings. For dangerous campaigns he used his cohorts, a legion of females who were both lethal and beautiful. Courtesans with skills of an assassin, they were quite well known for their infamous conquests. He called them his jewels. Yakuski's jewels.

When the emperor heard about this land of treasures and beautiful maidens, he was so intrigued by the story that he just had to plunder it. As days passed by, this fascination turned into an obsession that he couldn't let go.

Soon he announced rewards for anyone who could capture one mermaid for him. Many brave and valiant souls took up the challenge over the period of years. Alas none returned. Then the emperor bid one of his best warrior, Lena, to try her luck. The emperor waited for her painstakingly every evening until 11 years passed by. And then, he finally gave up.

Few weeks later a curious incident happened. A female visited his court and demanded his audience. She claimed she could make sure that a mermaid was captured for the king. This was so outrageous that the king first got annoyed and then amused by the daring of a mere female, that he granted the permission.

This female was a witch with many hidden powers and even more cunning. Robed in a turquiose flowing gown and studded with precious stones, she looked intimidating. She was very beautiful with seductory eyes and mysterious ways. She completely captivated the emperor at first sight. She extolled the virtues of the emperor until he was red behind his ears with pleasure. And then, only then, she told him that she could help him in his quest as she was an extraordinary witch. She told him about the treacherous forests and the wolf like dogs which were neither animal nor human and of their avarice to human blood. She told him about the enchanted mirror that made a man lose his way..

Finally she told him about the spell of doom that made a man go into enchantment that makes him writhe in pain while it gave exquisite pleasure. A madness that had no cure and the land that had no gateway. And yet, she assured him, that these spells are ineffective on women. And whatever could effect them, she had the potion to nullify the spell. For she planned to go with them. The only stipulation was that the army accompanying her should be all females.

She said she has travelled a long way to come to him, to request his all woman army. Also that, he was welcome to keep the mermaids for she had no use for them, but she needed a certain stone that was important for her witchcraft and he could use all the treasure.

He couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true. He can keep everything. Even that stone that she talked about for you see he was a sorcerer and could make use of such a power as much as the witch. Once the mermaids are captured this female can be disposed off even if she is a witch. His foxy jewels can be trusted with it. Delighted with the plan, he agreed.

They set out one week after the meeting with loads of provisions. A group of 26 jewels. Each one of them extremely stunning, it seemed like a procession of angels and all of the kingdom came to bid their beautiful daughters good luck. Amid lot of pomp and glamour and celebrations, they left for Meerjung.

The journey was without doubt full of adventure. They first crossed the land of shifting sands where the sand buried them to death if you don't keep moving. And the howling winds filled your ears with roar so much that you can't hear what the person next to you says. And in the night the desert snakes and deadly scorpions lurked. The food was rationed so was the water. They did have anti dote of snake bites and yet they lost two people.

Three weeks down the line, they reached the marshy lands. They had devised an ingeneous method of throwing the stones to find quick sands if any. And the witch enchanted the stones to float and the girls jumped on the stones to reach the safety. Even the witch's sorcery couldn't save the poor girl who slipped and fell into the quick sand.

Days passed by and they reached the Dancing rocks. Every day the mountains danced at sunset and the stones fell from height and the mountains changed shape. Witch had to take every girl on her broom to and fro before the sun set. It was incredibly risky few of the times. Luckily they didnt lose any one.

Once they crossed the mountains, they reached the enchaned forests. In this forest everything was topsy turvy. Sometimes the flowers walked at others the birds crawled. The pathways changed position every 5 minutes. It was like being lost in a jigsaw puzzle. Even the witch couldn't save them from being lost. The closer they came to Meerjung, it seemed like the witch's power diminished. Still the girls were glad that the witch was there with them. They knew they would have been long dead if it wasn't for the witch and were very grateful.

By the time they crossed the enchanted forest and reached the land of optical illusions, the oasis of ice, only 9 of the Yasukhi's jewels were left.

They were so startled by the sudden change in the topography. For long they kep waiting for the view to change. But it didnt and they marched forward. They found themselves getting into a tunnel like formation. Only it was hard to tell what it actually was. The icicles and the mirror like quality of frozen snow and the reflected sunrays blinded their eyes. And yet, they were not cold. Each of them tried to explore and to find out the way to go forward. But it was hard to find out . Suddenly a snow leapord appeared in front of them. And yet, it was half human and walked on 2 legs. It roared and its slated silvery grey eyes glittered... The mirror-like snow reflected the image of the leapord-men thousand time over. It was difficult to know how many were there. There were certainly more than one. ...

The roars echoed from the walls and the image leapt around. It was eerie. The witch's magic had failed completely and now they were left to their own wits to defend themselves. And defend they did with tremendous bravery and skill and yet it was not enough. They were all saved by a lucky coincidence. One of the snow slab had broken down when one of the females fell on it forcefully, breaking the spell and in turn losing her life. 8 of them remained.

The broken slab also showed them a way out towards the ' der Meerjungfrauen', the land of mermaids. Enthused that they are at the end of their quest, the mermaids eagerly rushed towards the lake. The mermaids would come in the night yes but they finally could bathe and be clean. With a rush they jumped into the water. When they came out something sinister happened..

The enchantment that held this world together crumbled and these girls could see the world as it really was. The witch was an ugly woman, raxor thin with crooked nose and pointed fingers, like claws.

Wasting no time she told them that they had only two choices, either to become a mermaid and be trapped here until they die or to die now and let the witch drink their blood. Blood that would enhance her magic and make her the most powerful witch in the world.

They promptly replied her in kind. Reveling about their skills and tried to attack her. They knew instinctively that the witch's spell won't affect them now. However, they were wrong. The witch was stringing them along for a long time. She simply disappeared until the night.

In the night, they would either be killed or turned into mermaids. These women were not afraid to die. They were after all warriors. However, dying in a strange land and their people never knowing about their fate was too dismal to think about. And to think they would be snacked on by the witch was too much to contemplate. Being the "doers" they decide to explore for the escape route.

How much ever they try they never could escape.

The witch cackled invisibly at their misery. She mocked at them and then told them that the whole mermaid story was her enchantment to trap females who then strenghten her. And they were extra special coz of their warrior status. She elaborately told them about her rituals of killing.

Slowly the story tumbled out. Men who came to catch the mermaid were not important for the witch. Yet they provided ample blood and bloodthirsty instincts. Since she killed them, they never came back. However, she travelled like a gypsy and kept the legend alive. Like a black widow, she had spun this elaborate trap . Soon she was supposed to become the most powerful witch and then rule the world.

Soon it was night and moon appeared. Swiftly, she killed the strongest of them and turned others into mermaids.

Thus the legend of the The mermaids and the Yakuski's jewels came to an end. The stories of the witch still make rounds in the country side by the fire place. I guess her ruthless acts would keep making rounds around the world....

Victory song

2009-03-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

All night the storm raged. It poured cats and dogs.

Trees swayed like hell's angels! Razed from the ground, they fell helplessly. Leaves trembled, thunder rumbled, birds screeched. Like a clarion call.

Scared, all night I waited for the storm to abate.

Then I unfurled my wings, flew through the silent sky and sang my victory song

P.S: Its inspired by a poem by Harivansh Rai Bachchan. I wish I remembered the poem.. but the image of the poem still lingers. We had that poem for class IX i guess. It is about regeneration. After the storm comes the rebuilding.. if I am not wrong its called ' Need ka nirmaan phir phir, neh ka aavhaan phir phir' I can be wrong ofcourse :(

P.P.S: This pic was taken by me from my mobile. Tweaked it a bit to give the silhouette look.

P.P.P.S: I got the poem googled yay!!

Need Ka Nirman Phir Phir, Neh Ka Ahvan Phir Phir

Yah Uthee Aandhi Ki Nabh Mein

Chha Gaya Sahasa Andhera

Dhooli Dhoosar Badalon Ne

Bhoomi Ko Is Bhaanti Ghera

Raat Sa Din Ho Gaya

Phir Raat Aayee Aur Kali

Lag Raha Tha Ab Na Hoga

Is Nisha Ka Phir Savera

Raat Ke Utpaat Bhay Se

Bheet Jan Jan Bheet Kan Kan

Kintu Prachi Se Usha Ki

Mohini Muskaan Phir Phir,

Need ka nirman phir phir

Neh ka avhaan phir phir!

Kruddha nabh ke vajradanton mein

Usha hai muskaraati,

Ghor garjanmay gagan ke

kanth mein Khag pankti gaati

Ek chidiya chonch mein

Tinka liye jo jaa rahi hai

Vah sahaj mein hi pavan unchaas ko

Neecha dikha rahi hai.

Nash ke dukh se kabhi

Dabta nahin nirmaan ka sukh

Pralay ki nistabdhata mein

Srushti ka navgaan phir phir.

Need ka nirmaan phir phir

Neh ka aavhaan phir phir.

While I am at it, here's my english translation.. however it loses the impact in the translation :( The whole feel of reading it in hindi and feeling the rush of emotions... cannot be expressed!! Anyhow, here goes nothing...

Create the foundations yet again

Recall the beauty yet again

With storm arising

Darkness has spread everywhere

Clouds leaden with rain ( dark black clouds)

Has enveloped the earth such that

Day seemed like night

And then came a darker night still

It seemed like this night would be forever

And dawn would never end the torments of the night

Every living creature, every particle is scared[ jan jan== people kan kan== particle]

But from the east rises,

A beautiful smiling sun..

Create the foundations yet again

Recall the beauty yet again

In between the strong teeth of cruel sky,

Sun smiles,

In the thunderous throat of scary sky,

The bird sings songs

When the little bird flies with a small grain in its beak,

It mocks at the 49 different types of the winds!

Under the sadness of destruction,

The happiness of regeneration doesn't disappear

In the chaos of the tempest lies

The song of the regeneration

Create the foundations yet again

Recall the beauty yet again

Boo hoo hoo!!!

2009-03-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

The day started out with such promise!! I had too much to do and I had an amazingly busy and fulfilling weekend. On sunday I had watched 2 movies that touched me so much that I was keen to blog about them today.. And yet, right from the start things went wrong.. really wrong!!!

Firstly, I took an auto home in the morning as the cab would be late. @ of my teammates are not around so rest of us have to stretch a bit. Like in the morning shift there is no one but our TL at work. Since he has other things to do besides tech supping.. he decided to come by 8.. not that I blame him really he leaves by 9 pm.. so its okay if he comes late.. only we cannot leave.

But today I had to go out so I asked my colleague to stick around and I left. I was sleepy and tired and the breeze was cold the day was tender.. in short I slept off. When I woke up I realized that I am being ripped off.. The Autowalah was taking unneccesary turns and the meter was way off the usual price. Since I wasn't awake I couldnt really fault him.. he wud ask why didnt I show him the way etc etc.. So i finally started giving directions when half thru the way he said the gas had run out! I got so pissed that I fought with him but in the end payed 20 rupees more and was atleast 10 min walking distance away from home!!

If that wasn't enough, few minutes later I realized I had left the fone in the rick.. Luckily the autowalah was pushing the damn vehicle down the road to the nearest petrol bunk and I could catch up with him after a short dash down the road... alas to no avail.. my mobile was lost.. We did try to search.. the autowalah ringed the mobile but it said not reachable.. finally teary eyed came home.. told sis. she scolded me.. we fought.. finally reconciled.. Called up the service provider.. got the no. blocked.. bought a new mob.. got duplicate sim and now my no. is back working in order.. but my mob my fav moto rocker is lost :(((

It wasn't the coolest mobile around.. it wasnt may be the most stylish mobile too.. but It was mine and I loved it.. loved its look loved every damn thing!! And now its lost..

** sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

I finally bought Nokia express music.. its not a bad buy.. umm its pretty good.. but i still miss my old fone :((

* Sob SOB SOB!!!! *

P.S: Its pathetic really!! Even while I was mourning I was thinking about how I wil blog about it.. Do I need to get my brains checked?

Heroes

2009-03-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

Heroes are nothing but victims of circumstances doing the best there is coz there is no other choice.. We tend to aggrandasize heroes so as to avoid the responsibility of being responsible for our actions.. Its easy to say 'We all cannot be heroes' but why not?

Protection

2009-03-29T15:22:00.001-07:00

Completely drenched, she sat by the pond in the pouring rain with an umbrella held precariously.

"What are you doing in the rain?", I asked angrily. " Come inside!"

With innocent voice she replied, " I am protecting the frogs from the rain. They were crying for help"

Charmed beyond measure, I joined her. Mom's admonition long forgotten.

P.S: I have caught the bug.. expect more of these in coming days :)

I learnt X

2009-03-28T01:16:00.001-07:00

It is not about what you express but about what thoughts you inspire in others that marks the greatness of a write.

100 things....

2009-03-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

A tag by Nancy :)

100 things about me

ABOUT U:

1. What's your name→ Meena Iyer

2. Nicknames→ My parents never had nick name for me.. other than dad calling me "naaikutti" and you don't call that nick name **sigh** I never forgave them for that! My sister is called "kuttu" which is a misnomer for kutti which means baby!! So most of my friends have given me a lot of nickname over the period of time.. these are some of them that I can recollect... Meenz, meenzie, meens, meanie, mousey, poohi, winnie, idli, wire, moti, truffle, gommy, eeli baby :P :P ( courtesy saurabh) BQ (courtesy alok)

4. Zodiac sign → Capricorn ( Though I am in no way remotely capricornian. I think my parents goofed up about my birthdate. Too bad they have birth certificate to prove they have not.. I still have doubts)

5. Male or female or transgendered → Female

6. Elementary→ K.M.P.D Vidyalaya, Nalasopara( dont ask for full form :P :P )

7. Schools → K.M.P.D Vidyalaya, Nalasopara

8. Colleges → Junior college : Vartak college, Vasai ( Of govinda fame) And Engg : Konkan Gyanpeeth college of Engg, Karjat

9. Height → 5'2”

10. Hair color → Black

11. Long or short → Mid length

12. Do you have a crush on someone? → I have crushes on many people. None last more than a week sadly **sigh**

13: Ever been in love? Oh yes more than once :P

14. Piercings → of the ears.

15. Tattoos → Not yet.. Would love one though .. ( Will have it done when I lose weight enough to be called fit :P :P )

16. Righty or lefty → Righty :)

FIRSTS :

17. First piercing → Ears, When I was umm 12. ( Thats some story )

18. First best friends →Namita ( We were in L.KG. )

19. First sport you joined→ Langdi and Kabbadi ( I was good at it then never played since school).

20. First pet → The only pet.. Sweety, a lab!.

21. First vacation → With Parents? Either Bangalore or Chennai **sigh** My very first alone was to Mysore.

22. First concert → Oh school definitely! .

23. First crush → When I was in 6th. It was a guy I met while xeroxing something. We waited for the power to come back to get our xerox done. Talked in the meantime. And when the power did come.. we lingered awhile. I would love to think that the feelings were mutual.. **sigh** It didnt last long enough.. 2 weeks :P

24. Eating → When I find time for it... Mostly once a day..

25. Drinking → A lot! I seem to have infinte capacity to drink anything liquid.. I mean juices and water ;)

26. I'm about to → go to sleep should be right.. but.. its complete the book I am reading... Its "Etudes" by Aseem Kaul.. Its a short story collection and he writes amazingly well!! See for yourself! His first write up in this book...

Note Autobiographical

Every time he speaks of himself you sense something missing, something not quite true. It's not that you doubt his sincerity -- on the contrary, you know he's making every effort to be honest. It's just that by putting himself in the spotlight he has blinded himself to his own shadow, to the audience of alternate selves who watch him from the wings. He tells you what he sees, but all the while the real self remains invisible,like light seen from the inside of a bulb.

It's like the difference between the way you picture yourself and your face in a photograph. The way you hold your breath at immigration, waiting to see if the man examining your passport will accept you for who you are.

27. Listening to → The ceiling fan right now ;) In my mind : Rehna tu from Delhi 6

LASTS:

28. Last beverage → Ginger Tea.

29. Last phone call → Think approx. 24 hours ago. I am on self imposed mobile exile this weekend.

30. Last text message → sms? From Varun saying "Hi". Email? From Neeru asking me to finish a story she started. ** Honey you would do a better job than me! I can give you ideas though.. check your inbox they are already there**

31. Last song you listened to → Falling slowly from the movie Once. I am in love with the song.. video is here..

32. Last time you cried → ** thinking hard** Its been sometime now. By and large this year I have been really happy....

HAVE YOU EVER:

33. Dated someone twice → Tentatively... It wasn't exactly dating the first time nor the second time.. its somewhere between dating and friendship.. erm too complicated :D :D

34. Been cheated on? → Not yet.

35. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Yes.

36. Lost someone special? → Yes.

37. Been depressed?→ Erm most of the time. Its like a bad habit :P :P

38. Been drunk and threw up? → Not yet. But want to atleast once.

HAVE YOU:

39. Made new friends → Yes. Online :)

40. Fallen out of love → More than once :D :D .

41. Laughed until you cried → Oh yes! A lot of time. Not recently though...

42. Met someone who changed you → No.

43. Found out who your true friends were → Yes.

44. Found out someone was talking about you → Its a compliment I don't mind getting repeated :P :P. If you get talked about in this fast paced world means you have arrived ;).. I have come across people talking about in college. At work place there is nothing exciting enough to talk about.. rather I do most of the talking :D :D

45. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → Umm yes :)

46. Made the first Move → Not yet. But wouldn't mind for the right person :)

47. Do you have any pets → Sweety!

48. Do you want to change your name → Not anymore. ( I wanted to when I was young.. its such a common name :P )

49. What did you do for your last birthday → Umm nothing much. Placed myself on mobile exile and slept all day. In the late evening treated my office colleagues with a take out dinner. We dined in office :P :P

50. What time did you wake up today → 2:30 p.m

51. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Working

52. Name something you CANNOT wait for → Adventure and excitement.

53. Last time you saw your father → Few moments ago. We live together!

54. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life → I want to finish anything I start!

55. Most visited webpage → Gmail and then my blog :D :D

56.Bribed someone? → Not yet. Hopefully never! I use my charm to work things out :P :P

57.Played with dolphins? → No :(

YOUR FUTURE :

58. Want kids? → Yes. 2 my own and I want to adopt the 3rd :)

59. Want to get married ? → Confused. Mostly no.. at odd times yes!!

60. Careers in mind? → A new one every few weeks :D

61. Settling in a Big Villa? → Farm house/ cottage with big garden!

62. Day or night? → Night any time!

63. What day is tomorrow? → Saturday

64. Challenges? → Gets me going! Give me a dare and I shall try hard to win it

65. Drive with windows up or down? → Down! If possible even with the hood down!

66. Scared of Death? → Umm not sure. I want to find it out :)

67. Cook or Clean? → Cooking! I hate cleaning up.. unless ofcourse its too messy

68. Lips or eyes → Eyes :)

69. Hugs or kisses → Hugs anytime .

70. Shorter or taller → Taller

71. Older or Younger → Older.

72. Romantic or spontaneous → Both are enjoyable!!!

73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Both!!!

74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive to my feelings and loud laughter ;).

75. Hook-up or relationship → Long relationships would be nice but well I get too bored too easily so hookups most likely

77. Trouble maker or hesitant → Neither. Someone who knows where to stop and where to let go.

HAVE YOU EVER :

78. Kissed a stranger → Not yet. But there is something exciting about this situation. Would love to kiss a "romantic hero" outta M&B novel :D

79. Lost glasses/contacts → No. umm but my specs have been broken by sweety twice. Ever since I graduated to contacts. Havent lost them yet!

80. Found money on the road → Yes more than once.

81. Sex on first date → *wicked smile* No.....

82. Broken someone's heart → Don't think so.

83. Had your own heart broken → Same as above

84. Held a snake? → No

85. Been arrested → No

86. Turned someone down → Yes

87. Cried when someone died → Yes.

88. Liked a friend that is a girl/boy? → Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself → Shakily but yes.

90. Miracles → I believe in faith. Miracles happen if you have faith.

91. Love at first sight → Yes! Read about it here

92. Heaven → Nah nor in hell. But if there is such thing.. I would rather go to hell. more exciting :D

93. Santa Claus → Nopes. But I would love to believe in him!

94. Peace in this lifetime → Inner peace yes. World peace not likely!

95. Kissing on the first date? → Depends on the date!

96. Angels → Yes. They come in human form. Up to us to recognize them!

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → A dream person may be.

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time in the past? → Nopes.

99. You will die Young → Is 55 young ? Wouldn't want to live more than that...

100. You will end with the one you love and learn to love the one you are with – The first only if he loves me too. The latter might happen. I can never be sure of it unless I do end up with someone.. if I end up that is :D

Whoosh done!!! Leaving you guys with a crazy pic of mine took in mumbai by my friend. At her place :D :D

10 things I want to do..

2009-03-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

Not before I die or anything.. Just want to do in my life atleast once. If I can many times :D :D

1. Go to a musical soiree or a jamming session ( just to watch )

2. Watch an artist paint. Bring his/her thought to life

3. Stand on a cliff so steep that one step wrong would mean dying. Stand there and feel the wind blow my hair.. feel it roar in my ears.

4. Stay in a tree house in the middle of an evergreen forest ( this came into my mind when I watched umm Mr. and Mrs. Iyer when Rahul bose talks about in the cafe.. he spins the yarn but I fell in love with it)

5. Go camping amidst the snow. May be a part of umm team that tags snow bears may be ? That would be fun!!

6. Be caught in a life threatening situation and come alive.

7. Face a situation where pragmatism vie with ethics ( Would love to see what I choose )

8. Fall passionately in love so much so that it defies logic and reason ( This is hard. Harder than the rest somehow. For am at best a very lukewarm person when it comes to feelings)

9. Live on an island even if it is for few days. I wish I could own one and live in it all my life.

10. Watch the moonlight light the snow mountains caps in the night..( As described by rahul bose again :P in Anuranan) ** Solilo I watched it after you mentioned. I didnt like the end**

Old man and a child

2009-03-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

They sat together on the bench. An old man and a child. Oblivious to each other.

A kite trailed high in the air. It was set free when the thread cut.

Both child and the man looked on longingly.

Their eyes met. The old man winked. Soon they raced behind the kite happily!

Guilt

2009-03-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

Guilt is a mistress one can ill afford to have. Like the cloying smell of perfume that overpowers your senses long after that person has left. Guilt lingers. Until you finally surrender to it.

Guilt. It visited me once.With sunken eyes, wrinkled skin and crumpled body. It slouched through the pathway and hopefully stared into my eyes. Through a pitiful old man. That look still haunts me. Like a broken record stuck in the middle, his words still echo in my ears. Gripped with shame and inexpressible fear, I turned around and never looked back. I feigned a helplessness that marked me for life.

I wish it was not so. Wishes. Why is it that we fill our lives with wishes that can never come true? And then pepper it with regrets and suddenly find that the dish is not to our liking!

It was such an glorious day. A day of possibilities. Why can't it be a morose rainy day? For that would make it easier to accept. Easier to deal with what was meant to be rather what was not. But no. It was a lovely spring morning. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, bathed in golden sunshine. Summer time.

This visit was long overdue. I looked forward to it since that first day. And was a bit worried too. How would I face him? What would I tell. Can I be impervious to the blame, to the accusation that would definitely lurk in his eyes. Its his eyes that always troubled me and has done so ever since. Honest eyes that never held back its emotions. It was meant for his own good. As if I knew what is good and what is not.

Why is it that we think we know ? Who are we do decide anyways?

I went. I looked. And guilt clenched my throat choking me. Until no thought remained but shame. And yet I didn't relent.

The hope left those eyes slowly as I slipped past the gate and the gate shut behind me. I didn't look back.

He must have stood there waiting for me to return. Days merged into weeks and weeks into months. I never returned. I didn't have the courage to look into those eyes and see the need, see the hope and then see the light darken into nothingness. A trust was broken. A heart was wounded. For his own good.

A check signed promptly. Few letters written that went unread. Reports followed assiduously. Calls made promptly. Can these assuage my guilt? That sharp pain in my guts that wrenched them clean ? Can it?

Guilt visited me once again. Six months later. I returned too. It was too late then. The eyes was no longer there. Those wrinkled sunken eyes of my father. Those honest eyes forever closed in permanent repose.

The gate closed yet again.

This time I lingered awhile trying to find shades of him in the setting sun. Trying to catch the elusive smell in the passing breeze. When a stray leaf wrapped itself on me, I tried to find traces of his touch. The board said "XYZ Mental Institution"

A simple non decorative planck.

I never could find him. Guilt. It stays with me now like he never could.

Silly me!

2009-03-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the night I tired really hard to stay up all night as there were a lot of server issues. However, before I could know I went to the lulu land. And when I woke up I was finding reasons to why I couldn't stay up and I realized thats coz I forgot to sleep during the day.. I know I know you guys must be chuckling and some might be wondering about my poor brain..

Its just that well I am not used to working on saturday nights and Sunday being the only day when my sis and I are together, we end up having a lot of work. And hence I forgot to sleep :P

Pay it forward

2009-03-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Few weeks back I watched this movie... "Pay it forward". It is such a simple story and so heart warming! A feel good movie that left me utterly charmed.

The story is simple. A small kid decides to use his school social science project to make a difference to the world he lives in. He decides to find 3 people who needs help and are not able to help themselves and help them. And the only thing those people have to do is to help 3 more people. Even if one of the people helps 1 person the good will is carried forward. And slowly but surely a wave of positive change envelopes the people. Amazing storyline. I have left the actual storyline untouched as I dont want to spoil the fun! Do watch it if you haven't!

If you have and may be if you are motivated enough.. I was wondering.. why not start a "pay it forward" movement ourselves?

I am certainly gonna try! I solemnly vow that I shall help the first 3 deserving people I come across and I shall blog about it as soon as I do help them :)

A quote filched from somewhere

2009-03-21T05:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes am happy that he is not around but am always glad that he is back.

- A woman about her husband who travels for work.

And this for me is true realistic love. :D

Envy and fantasy!

2009-03-21T03:47:00.000-07:00

I am a very envious person. Umm envious is not the right word nor is jealousy I think. I mean I don't grudge others their happiness or good luck. Its just that I want it for myself. Not that I am not happy or that I am not blessed.

There are many things in my life to be thankful about . Few things exceptionally wonderful.. And yet I find myself wanting more..

I dont exactly hate it but I wish I was more content or may be had powers that could make anything I wish for come true..

Like the book I am reading right now.. The Time Traveler's wife. Its almost like a dream come true for me.. if it could be true ofcourse. And the flight of imagination of the authoress is the source of this umm post.. and the emotion too.

I am hard pressed to know which character I would like to be.. The time traveler or his wife.. for both the characters well seem extremely appealing to me.

I shall not say anything about the story line for all thouse people who would love to read it.. but I shall briefly dwell on their characterization.. Its just amazing!

There is a guy with a dysfunction wherein he can travel in future as well as past. And it is possible for the past to meet the future! Wouldn't it be amazing if you can do it ? A way wherein you stand out of the circle.. of your friends and family and dispassionately look at yourself and those around you! To remember the things you have forgotten over the period of time as you will.. after all memories too fade.. and yet time travel would let you savor them.. linger over them..

You can visit all the beautiful memories over and over again.. and also the sad memories.. now thats a downer!

And his wife.. she meets me since she was 6 in various different forms. Sometimes he is kid at others old man.. ranging from 15-43! She grows normally and he is haphazard! There is continuity even in this seeming randomness.. They know each other and develop a regard for each other in a way no one else can dream about. He witnesses her past as a matured presence and also as her future.. I would so love to be known to a person this way.. the whole novelty of the situation.. the utter vulnerability and the same time.. the trust and the knowledge that these ppl share about each other.. Ah I would so love to be this woman too.. since I dont get any naked stranger thrust upon me.. until yet.. I guess it might not happen to me *sigh*

Any how am utterly charmed and wee bit.. a whole lot envious of the fictional characters.. Okay now I seem absurd too and should stop!

Key trouble

2009-03-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

She was all set to go. And she didn't like to wait. And she was reading this interesting novel. It seemed such a drag when it started and yet later on she got caught up with the story and didn't want to stop. And the cab had not yet come! Generally she would be late and make the cab wait. This day was different. Not special. Just different. And then nearly 45 min late the cab came. She rushed to the door only to realize she cannot go. Guess what? She is locked in. Yes. Her sister by mistake locked her in. And that person was me this Tuesday. Gleefully I asked the cab driver to go. And then I completed the novel. Did some channel surfing and all. And when I went to sleep I found the keys in between the folds of the bed sheet. It lay hidden. Ofcourse my sis must have forgotten it there. And I got an extra holiday yay!!

And and today I forgot my keys in Airtel shop. Luckily I got it back. I think there is something wrong with me.. I seem to be forgetting a lot of stuff off late!

sigh

2009-03-19T04:22:00.000-07:00

Me: So what do you think I should do? May be I can still give the CET for local universities

Sis: Do you really think you will follow through ?? *derisively*

Me: Well I have to do something. I can't just let the time slip by. And I wouldn't know until I try. I might finish it this time!

Sis: Oh yeah? Like the first time you joined a course for VoIP which you left coz its too far and they don't teach well.. or the cource for Wireless communication you actually finished and did nothing about it.. or recently the course for Java which you never finished or did anything with it.. or the prep for GATE which you never gave and never studied?

Me: * seemingly nochalant* May be you are right. I will wait till end of the year and give GATE next year if I am interested still. Or May be in the meantime I can give those certifications that I keep dreaming about

My sister decided to not say anything after that. I, ethused enough to search out those Java books and open it. 15 min later I was asleep.

*sigh*

Music and Me- A Tag

2009-03-19T03:22:00.000-07:00

Ahh I have been tagged by Ileen a long time back to do the " My favorite songs" tag. It is really tough for me to choose but I shall try and this list is subject to change anytime in future so shouldn't be used for gifting me any CDs.. Umm if you are not getting the hint let me make it clear.. I want to be gifted CDs :D :D

Here goes the list!

1. Irvine by Kelly clarkson

2. Leaving on a jet plane by John Denver

4. Sway by Micheal Buble

5. Aakhon ke saagar by Fuzon

6. Katrin Mozhi from the movie Mozhi

7. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

8. Kangal Irandaal from the movie Subramaniapuram

9. Woman in love by Barbara Streistand

10. Woman in me by Shania Twain

11. Who makes you feel by Dido

12. Better Man by Robbie williams

13. Dream a little dream of me by The Mamas & the Papas

Ahh there are so many more to add! :( :( :(

ENFP....

2009-03-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

IHM and Indyeah have posted their personality type on their blog and as usual I was tempted to post mine..

I am ENFP with following characteristics..

Oh yeah and I found that this link describes me the best.. it uses following adjectives for me..

Describes me:

outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, rule breaker, prone to losing things, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, , loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

Doesn't: loves crowds, seductive ( Have not seduced anyone.. but may be with the right guy I might be seductive who knows :D :D ), dangerous ( Dangerous and me? :O :O :O)

Well the hits are too many to ignore!

Update : Multiple Intelligence test

I was right.

2009-03-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

I look out from the door of the slowing train, scanning the crowds for you. Wondering, how will it be. The changes that time wrought in everyone of us makes me question my decision of coming. The train stops. Smilingly, you reach me with wide open arms. As we embrace, the distance melts. I was right.

P.S: Silly I know. Ots dedicated to my sweet friend.. Salaria. The pune stop was just perfect thanks to you dear :)

Some reasons why I love Mumbai..

2009-03-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

Lets just face it! Mumbai is an amazing shopping destination.. you can shop on roads, in trains, on the platforms and in the malls. It caters to every bracket of budget.. the costliest branded stuff to the cheapest raste ka maal saste mien stuff.. I love window shopping in Mumbai.. and shopping in the train! You can buy eatables, veggies, books and junk jewelery!
It is the only place where I have experienced strangers coming upto me and giving me a compliment and even asking me where I found the "stuff" or where I got my hair cut.. its too fast paced to worry about shyness and other such things. Its not a city of shy people!
Ah the transport! It is so efficient and so fast ..
A place where I could get print out at 11 o clock in the night and the road was so crowded that I was not afraid to walk alone. The watchmen didn't know me.. and wouldn't meet me ever.. and yet they escorted me to the cyber cafe and even asked me later if my work was done. If it wasn't they would have directed me to a different cafe.
All my friends.. umm ppl I hold close to my heart are there! All my memories the best times is all there abd theres the sea.. entralling me forever

If I think more I can add more reasons.. but simply am caught in the afterglow of my visit

2009-03-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

Guys am back! Will post in details about what all happened.. In short it felt like being home! How much ever I say I have become used to Bangalore.. I have even.. I feel like a visitor in Mumbai now.. I hardly seem comfortable in the humid heat or in the crowd of trains.. and yet it always feels like home when I hug my best friend.. when I tease the "bakra" of the group.. the inane flirting we indulge.. the jokes.. the feel of everything.. The changes in personalities.. the similarities.. ah the distances.. the proximity.. everything interest me.. everything delights me.. I wont say it was good all over.. And no excitement *sigh* i mean the adventure I was looking for didnt really happen but other things happened.. things that made me feel normal.. like I have still not changed and am the usual goofy me..

Like... in the jay piyu's marriage.. just when the last "phera" happened there was a huge crash.. no I didn't fall down.. the table I tried to sit on toppled.. and its been captured in the video! I can never live that down.. If you are wondering how I survived.. well its quite quite normal for me.. this has happened a lot of times before and I have a thick skin..

And then I forgot some of my stuff in someone else's bag coz I dont like to carry my own purse ** I tend to lose purses esp in marriages** well and hence I lost a beautiful "pink set " of necklace.. my face wash.. and a brand new lip stick! I didnt have time to meet the girl who had my stuff.,.. as my itinerary was full.. no I am not a mini celebrity.. though I felt that way this time :)

Oh yes and then I forgot my mobile at piyu's place which I remembered after I came to Kalyan station.. so I had to go back and get it.. And then I forgot my watch in prita's house (Dahisar) and I remembered that after I reached Smital's house ( Virar) And in the resultant chaos I had to make Princy wait for 2 hours.. really a sad state of affairs **sigh** the plus point is princy knows my nature perfectly well so she wasn't miffed.. all hail close friends who are sweet :D :D

I was showered with gifts.. yay! The sad part is I didnt pick up any this time. Its my norm to pick up gifts for smital shradddha and their families .. atleast I did the last two time I spent with them.. but since this time I was going to the marriage and the luggage was already too heavy I didnt.. I figured I shall buy in Mumbai itself... but I got no time.. erm but I got loads and loads of gifts :D :D

Shraddha gave me a scarf, a necklace and earings ** just like I like them... lord get me more such room mates who know just what I like and how *** and jointly with smital gave me a dress material.. and smital also gave me one more necklace and earings and bracelet set. It matched one of my outfit and I already got compliments for it.. its a black necklace ( will post pictures afterwards) Ohh and Princy gave me a kewt purse studded with diamonds and all . Ideal purse for parties and marriages.. and big enough for stuff to be carried and small enough for me to use it frequently. And inside that were 2 slabs of diary milk chocolates and 2 funky earings yay!!

I met Princy after 3 years nearly. Last time was when she was in Mysore doing her training in Infosys. Its really amazing that she remembered all the things I liked and made an effort to actually get them for me. Ah can't say how touched I am!!

All in all beautiful experience... I am glad I went :)

Guilt, anger and fate...

2009-03-10T02:29:00.000-07:00

Some use anger to overcome guilt and I, use guilt to quench righteous anger. When circumstances are such that its hard to direct your anger the only refuge is to drink it up. Fate, why is it that more I want to disbelieve you more my belief gets stronger?

I learnt IX

2009-03-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

I have realized that:

I am trying to find a second "me" to befriend. Just when I find someone who seems to me like being closest to being "myself" is when I know I wouldn't find anyone like me for each one is in themselves very unique . And then the very uniqueness I pride myself with becomes a burden

P.S:

2009-03-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

There is loads to do.. and I ma not much time and yet.. I dunno why I am online blogging nothings.. umm I had all the time in the night and yet I dint blog and now when I hardly have anytime.. I wonder what is it thats driving me so hard to umm blog.. and to be sooo maudlin!

I do have many unresolved thoughts.. I am like a magnet for them.. really.. thoughts before they can be formed perfectly is abondoned for something else until only the heaviness of it is left..

I should be having happy thoughts.. I did too.. and yet today morning.. its like blues that kept at bay for so long decided to descend uninvited without giving me any time to get used to it.. like them guest who stay for longer than the welcome extended.. esp when it is not extended at all...

I kind of remembering a poem I had once written long time back.. when I was just 12.. I wrote it in this book which is with my then best friend.. now we have lost touch.. It was with her until she married and now its most possibly lost.. the poem was titled "Oh mistake..."

It went something like..

Oh mistake why do you follow me

I havent had you bind..

or something.. I should just replace it with "bluesy moods" and it fits perfectly.. though umm I wish I had my poems with me.. the ones I wrote then..

P.S: Why is it so hard to forgive? What smallness of spirit makes me hard to forget and harder even to forgive,, Umm smallness is not the word.. meaness is!

Off to Mumbai

2009-03-09T23:36:00.000-07:00

Guys am off to Mumbai today!! yay!! I know I havent responded on your comments. I have read them.. Shall get back to them once I come back :) Miss me :D :D I know I shall miss not blogging! *sigh*

Sometimes, why is hard to know what you want? ah make it always! For some reason the things I want the most.. I dont want later.. Its silly really coz well I have no reason not to.. or may be I do and I don't want to face it? Either way I guess I shall have a long time to ruminate while I am travelling..

Ah I am yet to travel by flight.. still travelling by train.. there is something about rail journey that makes me feel like a traveller.. So full of possibilities.. full of adventure.. if only I am open to it..

And I am!

Though I know its not a joyous occasion.. and yet I have this lingering need to umm to be caught into situations that are hard.. you know what i mean ? I want to be stuck in impossible situations and then know if I am capable of standing upto it.. to not speculate.. but to know..

I am raring for some excitement.. not a nice phase to be in.. for experience says I am going to get into trouble..

But what delicious fun it would be.. wudnt it ?

Pain and Pleasure

2009-03-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

Pain and pleasure in their acutest stage obscure the line that differentiate them. For every slice of pain is an afterthought of pleasure and every moment of pleasure is tinged with pain.

I learnt VIII

2009-03-09T23:31:00.000-07:00

Each one of us is essentially an island of loneliness. How much ever we cover this fact with indulging in plethora of relationships, a moment occurs when we have to face it and live with it. The sooner it occurs the better life is.

Cuteness!!!

2009-03-08T13:58:00.000-07:00

Ah guys one more award yay!! By a sweetie pie! Thank you honey! Ah well I want to forward this award to :

1. Indyeah.. for she is indeed very very cute and her blog is just perfect showcase of her persona .. so colorful and yet so very black :D :D

2. IHM : Umm esp for her dog vocabulary that is umm so proficient ;)

3. Nancy: Ah she is cuteness personified for me and her plethora of readers :D

4. Rauf: Don't know him for a long time but his big hearted friendly comments.. time and again touch my heart and his pictures delights me so much!

Ah I think I am also supposed to say 10 things about me.. but I am not in a self effacing mood.. one can only talk about one self "as much" So I shall pass that too..

Archy girl thank you so :)

Mumbai memories..............

2009-03-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

The day after today, I am leaving for Mumbai. I wouldn't be around for a week or so. Not until 17th. I guess it is just natural that I get all nostalgic. I have a tendency to tarry in the past especially when the past is so gloriously golden! So today the waves of memories brought me few moments of a friend who was so unique and so dear and yet so far away... always...

I had seen him first in our class. The first day of college and he had involved our professor in an argument . infact had caught the professor while teaching us something wrong and he was trying to tactfully point that out . Well tact was something he lacked dreadfully and the result was chaos! Most of us thought he is showing off his "knowledge" and were feeling bad for the poor professor who had obviously not prepared well for the first day.. As months passed by our opinion about him really dint change.. he never sat for the lectures and when he did.. he was way beyond our capabilities in that subject and way beyond what sir taught us.. I admired him with a tinge of envy too.. he was this mysterious thing ... this cynical being.. he intrigued me!

I dont exactly know when we started talking. I have tried hard to remember but I know it was in the second year. What I remember is long conversations where we debated on every topic under the earth.. the benefit/drawback of being the only child (which he was) or the last child (which I was) if god existed or not.. some technology.. our professors.. etc etc.. the list was endless.. so was our conversations.. mostly umm people interrupted us.. and he never interacted with anyone else in my group.. if someone comes more often than not he would excuse himself and leave. He was not shy.. he was recluse.. and drawing him out was a challenge for me

And I dont remember when it changed from just a challenge to pleasure.. but as I said or did I? he was intensely moody.. on some days he won't even smile at me.. and at others he would wait for me to show up to continue our chats.. and every chat was delightful! And all of my fondest memories were with him, swaps and me together.. sitting in the canteen or the hill near our hostel.. he with his ridiculously small guitar.. (he was learning) and swaps acting over smart and we all singing songs together.. or the long walks.. once again where we both monopolized the conversation..

And yet when he got a drop ( lost an year as he had many papers back.. though he was amazingly brainy it never translated in papers.. ) it was easy to leave him behind .. possibly coz he was never "always" around.. it was his choice.. he seeked my company and when we did spend time it was amazing for both of us... it worked both ways.. I wud never seek him coz I am too proud to seek someone when I know he might rudely reject it when he is not in the mood.. and well for him.. he didnt feel suffocated by this friendship.. there was no obligation..

And then we kind of lost contact. I moved to Bangalore and he was still in college. But then we started writing emails to each other. Chatty long emails and occasional chats on yahoo messengers.. I was going through a bad phase and he was trying to make me feel upbeat.. but one day I was pissed by something he said and I logged off. Those days I didnt have net at home and used to go to a cyber cafe. As I said I ignored his chat sessions and his phone calls. I still remember 53 miss calls and then we again stopped corresponding

Until one day.. long after this incident, I had one idea ruminating in my mind and I wanted to share it with someone. My then boy friend was not very receptive of it.. Well it was not practical. My mind knew it.. but my heart reveled in my idea.. and lets face it all possible inventions are potentially improbable when they were conceived isnt it ? Ah well.. so I pinged him! Shameless me.. but I didn't know who else to contact.. for he was one person who listened to me.. and credited me with intelligence. We had shared many a wacky ideas while in college.. and well he was the obvious choice. And to his credit he was receptive to me and we had the same camaraderie in an instant! he did pass some sarcastic comment as was his right and i profusely apologized and all was well in my world.

He moved to USA to do his MS and surprisingly we still kept contact.. when I had break up he steered my mind clear of all the unpleasantness and invited me to open my eyes to possibilities to think to be what I was when I was in college an healthy mind brimming with thoughts and zest.. Ah well I dont wanna sound self pitying :( but I envied him so.. the plans we had made together.. he had made it good and here i was languishing as a tech supp taking shit from people who think they are entitled to abuse just just coz we are Indians.. when we were helping them trouble shoot stuff that we can't even imagine using etc etc..

His thesis was exciting .. his place his college.. everything came alive to me when we chatted and I lived precariously through him.. And I shed tears in frustration and in envy too.. So much so that once I couldnt contain and it burst through in office.. Others suggested that I stop chatting with him.. but how could I ? he held a vision of me which I had long forgotten myself.. briefly enough but still I was back to my college where was the most popular and a confirmed genius of my class. A place where professors had huge hopes of me.. Ah well.. so we continued to correspond..

I still remember one day in office I was in night shift and yet we chatted on phone for 5 hours.. yes 5 hours on ISD and we were discussing why separate state of South India not such a viable solution.. he was for it... n I was against.. the arguments were made with such passion that people wondered if we were face to face.. would we end up hurting each other physically and they were amazed when we put the phone down with so much bonhomie and good humor.. We were always able to argue without ever letting the ego come in between wrongly I mean we respected each other too much to ever spoil the friendship..

The interesting point is we never ever discussed emotions, feelings or day today happenings It was always some idea some debate... or something that he would show me.. he used to sketch write poems etc etc,, ** those days I wouldn't write anything** Or we would discuss nature and dreams.. amazing amazing dreams!

And then one day he stopped calling.. I guess it was that he got busy with his college exams etc etc.. and there was some issue with Indians getting job out there.. recession had just started but it was already affecting him.. he said he might have to come back so he was delaying completing his thesis as much as possible.. and then.. we lost contact. I wont say I was very diligent and I tried to contact him.. I didn't I always believed he will contact me when he is in the right mood.. as was the norm. and yet.. umm he never did.. 6 months down the line I sent him 2 sms asking whats up with him.. and I received calls from unknown numbers which I dont really pick up.. that again is a different story.. when I didnt respond the person smsed me.. Hi this is Tischi.. I received sms on my other no. "#$^^%" (his international cell #) may I know who you are ?

I was so shocked that he didn't save my number after all these years.. I cant really explain why.. but I felt extremely hurt and I didn't respond to him.. he did try to call me from his international mobile too.. but I never responded.. btw the other number was local else I wud have known its him.. coz I knew no one else who would call me from USA..

Anyways.. that was the end of it for now.. nah no sweet ending.. but I do have sweet sweet memories of him.. probably always will.... May be I will meet him in this marriage that I going for.. our classmates are getting married probably he might come. Lets see how things go.. but today for some reason he has been on my mind all day long .. I guess Tischi this one is for you :)

P.S: it is really interesting story behind his name.. as you can make out if you can the name is not indian... its russian infact Tischiel is the actual name. As he says while his mom was pregnant she read a lot of russian lit and she got so inspired that she named him thus.

P.P.S: he had a nick name for me : Meenus :)

A call of duty

2009-03-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

Few days ago Akshay asked me to guest post for his blog.. umm remember him? Well so I decided to write a story there.

Disclaimer: Its a total pot boiler of a story! So you might wanna miss it! But you are sweet enough to not wanna miss it.. umm please go here!

I learnt VII

2009-03-05T22:32:00.000-08:00

The probability of a particular person being interested in you is inversely proportional to your interest in that particular person with exception of special circumstances like two-sided love.

P.S: I mean really off late I have found that the more I am indifferent to few people.. the more they seem to be interested in me or rather the more call I get ;) Oh yeah am basking under the sun of attention :)

Car Trouble

2009-03-05T09:26:00.000-08:00

It was a rainy day. Nothing special about it. And Derek was frustrated. He was tired and wet and had a long way to go. If that wasn't enough his car broke down in the middle of no where. And he was hungry! And he kept walking down the road , dripping wet and extremely frustrated.

A perfectly pitiful sight. Indeed.. and yet it was one of the luckiest day in his life! Lucky you ask ? Yes very much. A perfect stranger came into his life at that moment. No it wasn't a hot babe . It was an old man with a kind smile and a kinder heart. He parked besides him and inquired what was wrong. Then simply handed over the car keys to Derek and left with an umbrella. Derek was astounded. He ran behind the old man and asked., " Whats wrong with you? How can you loan a car to a total stranger."

The old man replied with a smile, " Ah I am not loaning you! I am giving you as a gift"

"Are you crazy?" Derek screamed at him.

" There is an old saying, don't look inside the gifted horse's mouth. Just drive home"

"You are crazy! I don't want your car.. I don't trust you"

"Well choice is yours." Saying this the old man walks away and soon is hidden behind the curtain of rainfall.

Left alone, Derek examines the car for anything out of order. But everything was perfect and was totally new! After dithering for sometime he decided to use the car and left with it.

And the old man hidden behind the trees smiled softly.

Few months later,

Lisa was driving along a lonely stretch of road. It was high noon and she was tired. She was driving since last night. Running away from an abusive relationship, she was afraid and tired. And her car ran out of gas! She hyper ventilated!

She was in middle of nowhere. No farm no house in sight and the sun burned down her skin. Frustrated, she sat in her car smoking endless cigarettes , looking furtively here and there. Every once in a while some vehicle passed by, however never stopped. And then a kind old man came by and stopped his car. He gave her a lift to the nearest deli and they started to talk . She found herself telling him things about her past about her boyfriend. He lent her money to buy gas. And then he drove her back to her car. Towed the car to the nearest gas station and then when she started the car the car won't work. And he offered her his car.

"Oh no! I can't take it. You have already been too kind. Why would you do something like that ?"
"I can afford to. Don't worry child. You need it."
She was not easily convinced. After a a lot of arguments, he said," I leave the car keys here" placing it on the the dashboard of her car. "The choice is yours honey" and leaves.

She dithers for a long time but something freaks her out. She decides not to take the car and tries to start her car again. And surprisingly the car starts and she is jubilant !

Somewhere down the road a car explodes and an old man smiles knowingly....

Life had so many things to offer, some don't seem to have the guts to accept the gifts.

Some humor...

2009-03-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

One of my friends sent me this forward.. I couldn't help but share it.. It may not be that funny to you.. however, with me looking out for easier ways of losing weight uhhhh this is big time funny :D :D

Even if you're not quite there, save this for handy reference for a great exercise which won't cost you hundreds at the gym....

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.

With a 2 kilo potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 3 kilo potato sacks. Then try 5 kilo potato sacks and then, over a period, eventually try to get to where you can lift a 40 kilo potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level).

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack ;-) :-D

Why not reservation?

2009-03-04T15:43:00.000-08:00

Rajeev was quite hard working lad. In his part of world there was no other way. For you see he was quite poor. Not poor enough to starve for food, thankfully their farm took care of it. And yet, they were poor enough for him to look out for scholarships to fulfill his dreams.

And what glorious dreams they were. Of going to city with bright orange lights with all its glittering glory and an office with its sleek desk made of glass and a state of art computer that twinkled in the dark corners of his eyes. Oh yes, he dreamt big.

No one really liked him much. For you can always see his nose buried deep inside books all the time. If he was not studying you would oft see him helping his father in the farm, for laborers were hard to find especially for the wages that they could afford. And if it was not the farm there always was livestock to be looked after and then there was market to be visited and grains to sell and manure to buy. When the mango groves tempted the kids to play to pluck the succulent fruits on the sly, you could see him earnestly reading his books for the coming year, giddily making use of the time left to him before the rain beckoned him back to the "chores".. And yet he dreamt.

And when he happened to get his results, he had scored a respectable 79% No one from his village had ever done so. Every one was jubilant but him. For you see , these marks were not enough to make his dreams to come true. He dreamt of being a software Engineer and studying in the big big city of dreams.. Mumbai..

Bokkya lived in the same village as Rajeev. He was the usual desultory kid of the neighbourhood who had no thought of going beyond his village. He was the son of the local corporator and they were rich.. Atleast richest in the village and he loved being the big fish in the small pond. And yet when he happened to scrape through 65% in the very same exam, his father started thinking about progress.

Rajeev had a hard time getting admissions in those big time fancy colleges. He had to settle for a college in the outskirts of the city and for a branch that he didn't fancy. It wasn't "IT" . Only consolation he had was of doing better in the first year and may be he can change branches. Besides he would be an "Engineer" something better than nothing isn't it ? And he would get a scholarship. The local politician who was himself from humble back ground was impressed by this lad.

Bokkya didn't have any issues getting an admission, again in the very same institution as Rajeev. in "IT" the stream that Rajeev so wanted and Bokkya didn't care any about.. If you have missed it, let me remind you Rajeev got 79% and Bokkya 65%.. wondering why this discrepancy ? For you see Bokkya was an "OBC" and Rajeev an "open category" student..

Thats caste discrimination for you in today's time. How can one punish sons (daughters) for the crimes of fathers (or mothers if you like) is beyond my comprehension !

If you want further story.. well after languishing in the same year for 3 years, Bokkya decided to call it quits and Rajeev was never allowed the transfer even after coming 1st in the college as there were no seats "free". [ In Mumbai University first year syllabus is same for all the branches]

If you have not figured it out yet, this IS a true story as it happened in front of my very eyes! And this makes me veritably against reservation!

For you see Bokkya is still lingering in his village being what his father was.. a corporator and Rajeev has done what these people wouldn't let him do.. He is an software engineer. His intelligence paved way for him. And if this doesn't make Rajeev feel superior to Bokkya I am not sure what else will make him..

If this is the way one will achieve the equality of masses.. I am sorry its never gonna happen. And till today we have incidences where gargantuan walls are made so that certain set of people cannot go to certain parts of the village .. coz of their "caste" I for one am not at all surprised.. for we are not impinging the line that separates us but deepening it with stupid rules that would never work for anyone but the politicians...

I have always maintained that I will never criticize unless I have an idea that would work and that can be propounded. This might seem a bit flighty and not practical enough .. but I think this would be the best way to go about..

I feel separate schools should be maintained for anyone who needs education ( Government have them but are not well run) and only those students should get any kind of grant.. for they will be economically lacking. I am sure under this all the down trodden will be covered and them rich low caste with deep pockets can be excluded for those kids would never agree to go to such schools where they have to hobnob with brethren who don't have proper set of clothes to wear even.. nor would their parents! I believe they should have schools/colleges for everything under the sun so that no one would be denied their dreams.. and when they come out of the educational institution.. please god please do not give them reservation.. give them equality! For struggle is important for the butterfly so that it can be beautiful! if you help it on its way.. no caterpillar would ever have strong wings to fly !

B.R Ambedkar, despite all the odds did come through.. and many such shining pearls would have.. if it wasn't for this reservation.. they are lost in complacency as they never had to struggle to carve their personality and are lost in ignominy of being the reserved classes.. something they were supposed to fight against..

I repeat.. reverse discrimination is in not the way of going about it!

Change - A guest post.

2009-03-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

A wee girl of 15 asked me for friendship.. I was too happy to comply. She loved my poems ;) And we end up chatting and she sent me this beautiful post. I so want to share it with you guys! here it goes!

Change

She stood before the mirror, unnaturally still. But weak. She looked into her eyes. They were bloodshot, fresh from a violent bout of helpless crying; they were brimming with tears again. Or so saw the world. To her, they were a shattered self-confidence, dispiriting letdowns, burdensome expectations, unfulfilled wishes and thoughts of a colorless, seemingly irreparable life that she had most unwillingly lived the last three years. Her eyes were full again, and with an empty, hollow feeling, she saw a blurred view of her dreadful, cluttered life swim before her eyes. The remains of so many could-have-been happy moments and lifelong relationships. She saw, with a guilty longing, so many missed opportunities glide past her. She could not, could never befriend them now. They were as dead as ghosts, tempting to the desiring heart and foolish to the conscious mind. She thought of the light, peaceful little world she could have had. She could have had… And with a pang of numbing helplessness, her present shot across her skull, dead, degraded, befouled and never imagined. Tears came. Crocodile tears, dad had said. She inched closer to the mirror to look deeper into her eyes. A shudder ran down her body. No, she thought, it could not be. They were true. She felt numb, as if suspended between life and lifelessness by a ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Were her tears true? Had she ever expected such a moment so early in life, where she’d be left alone to stare at the questionable genuineness of her own tears? She stared into her eyes, groping silent answers to each question that had hindered her dreams. To search for reason, for problem, for solutions...for the truth behind her shutting herself to the world…to search for the truth behind the sudden death of her spirits, her zeal, her smile…the truth behind her turning cold, lazy, lifeless…and the truth behind those unfocused, unmoving eyes she saw in the mirror, to which she felt unrelated to…

Had she changed so much? How had she changed so much, so soon? Why had this sudden unwelcome change visited her perfect life and turned her world upside down, in an instant? Why had she changed more than others, more than her friends? Why had she changed so rapidly, with such intensity, to such a great degree that it was, at once, difficult to say she was the same one who lived three years back? No one liked this change in her. Why, then, had she not been able to drive this change away? Had she grown to like it? No, of course not. Had she gotten used to it? Perhaps. But this change wasn’t good. It was bad, very bad. All bad things go away. Why hadn’t this change left too? Aren’t three years a little too long for a bad thing to stay? To her, they had been an eternity. An upheaval. An entirely different world. Will this change stay long, longer still? How long will it stay? Had it to suck more meaning, usefulness out of her already limp life? When will it go, desert her? When will the old-worldly tranquility fill her life again? Why isn’t anything making the change go? Will it go back as suddenly as it arrived, or will she be back in a slow rhythm, as if recovering from a terrible disease? How will it mark its end? Will it ever end? Or, she thought, had it become the new constant in her life now?

This change was suffocating her, killing her spirit to live, marring her wishes to wish and dreams to dream more. It had built a wall around her, through with no emotion of self-righteousness, no lucky stroke of inspiration and no firm thought of determination could seep in. She plunged into the confusing whirlpool of her mixed-up thoughts. How had this change happened? Had she facilitated this change? Had she helped raise that seemingly unbreakable wall of ever undesirable complacency, those stagnating thoughts of prolonged inactivity? Has it all happened by chance, just like that? Or was she destined for this confused existence? Was she, or was she not? Why had she been blessed with those wonderful early years of life? She had been brilliant. A brilliant student, brilliant daughter, brilliant sister, brilliant friend. Why these stokes of incomparable brilliance? Were they only to become a happy memory in these dark, uneventful times? Is this undesirable change really her destiny? No, it could not be…no. She clutched at this thought with the desperation of a drowning man. No, all those years could not just be a memory, they had meant something…

She longed to live those years of never-ending happiness again. So deep, so intense, a longing. Why then, was it not making her drive away this change? Perhaps, her longing was not strong enough. But why wasn’t it strong enough? How could she make it strong enough? By being honest? By being truthful? By being determined? She breathed out a tired, exhausted sigh. Honesty…truthfulness…determination, she repeated in her mind. Several times, in a sort of dreary litany. Honesty…truthfulness…determination. Where could she find them? Within her, of course. But were they still there, within her heart? In a lonesome corner, perhaps. Was she sure they were still there? If they were, why hadn’t they shown themselves? Had they left? She trembled. Apparently, yes. Why had they left? Where had they gone to? What had caused them to part with her? She pondered for a moment. The change? Did they fear the change? Did she fear change herself? What was it that she feared about that undesirable change? Did she fear fighting the change? Why? What more could the change do to her? It had already done so much harm, made her so much miserable. What more could it do? Could it do more? A chill ran down her spine, her thoughts became desperate. Was there no way of making this change go? Could she ever make it go? What if she stopped fearing it? What if she decided to fight? Would she? Could she?

Her eyes widened. She stared back at her own reflection in disbelief.
She could have sworn she saw it, a little twinkle in her eye.
For the first time in three years, she felt purposefully excited, aroused.
She felt something stir inside her.

What?
A change, perhaps.

By Esha Sood

Reservations...

2009-03-01T00:36:00.000-08:00

Reservations for women has always been a controversial topic. some are in favor of it and others are not. I fall in the later category. It doesn't make sense to me that how can a previlaged upbringing make you feel equal.

I mean, men and women are equal and yet women get a privilaged push coz they are women. This is where the logic fails. You cannot make a woman feel equal to men unless there is no inequality.. neither for men nor for women.

And is reservation a privilage is again a debatable topic for me.

Lets take for example local trains. A train has around 12 compartment out of which there are only 3 compartments for females. Even considering that there is a huge discrepancy in sex ratio ( 922/1000) and the fact that part of females are housewives ( well they also travel for shopping et al) We can atleast say that there is 1 female for every 2 men. And this means logically the space alloted to females should be 4 compartments out of 12.. This reservation business has actually limited the mobilty of females.

Now moving back to educational sector again, the 33% reservation that we talk about is actually a sham. I mean the 'progressive' females of metro need no reservation. They go to the same school and same coaching classes as men. So in no way are they differentiated but during the admission. If the admissions were open it might be possible that there are more females than men in the classes ;) ** This might be one of the reasons why the reservation is there. I mean like females cover themselves up coz men cant control their sexual impulses.. this also might be a cover up** Okay. I am stretching the argument here. But my point still stays. Atleast for the urban woman.. there is no need for reservations!

Now lets consider non metro areas. Frankly most of the seats either go empty or are converted into management seats coz females are not allowed to pursue. And hence it really makes no sense. nearly 60 years have passed by and we atleast have 2 generation of people born after independence. We females have got enough handicap. Its time for us to have equality not with concessions but with dignity.

The very act of reservation for me spells out that "we" are backward in someway and that deters the feeling of being equal.

Like the double stds in our constitution... All men are equal and yet some are privilaged for life not coz they need it but coz they are of a particular caste! And yet we de cry that caste discrimination has not died down. It wont ever die down unless we stop this discrimination for real.. and not play act at it.

If we make excuses for the discriminations they would never stop! Be it on gender basis or caste basis!

Okay I am done! I know again quite a controversial post for me.. Well I just had to write this.. with so many posts that I am reading offlate on these topics...

I learnt VI

2009-02-28T23:36:00.001-08:00

Every person is essentially a hypocrite, even the greatest of humans.

Offlate

2009-02-27T18:50:00.000-08:00

Offlate I have realized that I no longer respond in a way I think I will. I mean, in an particular situation I would think I will respond in 'x' way and yet when such an situation comes I would react in a 'y' way.

I have been thinking a lot lately that.. may be I dont really know what the 'real' me is... or rather its like an empty vessel. Thoughts flit through may be.. without really marking me in any serious way...

A card to remember :)

2009-02-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

When I read pratsie's blog post about a gift from a friend I kinda wanted to blog about this incident. I just couldn't stop it. I dunno how real the words are, the words I am going to preserve here but the feeling it gives me everytime I read it is priceless.

Someone doing a gesture for me when I didnt expect it, infact in the leanest phase of my life.. well what can I say... I was touched beyond measure.

It happened in my 7th sem of Engineering, exactly 4 years back and it was my birthday. We were tensed at home. Dad was not feeling well and ofcourse none remembered my birthday. Not even me.

When they came home, Smital and Shraddha, my best friends, I was busy cutting vegetables to cook food and was in my oldest rag. I was surprised to see them and they had come with a cake.

*sigh* even dad joined in singing the birthday jingle and suddenly, it was special. I didnt expect it or thought it was possible and there it was. I hadn't had so much fun in a long time and we sure deserved this respite... I am finding it hard to express what I felt. I guess I would leave it to your imagination :)

And the gift they gave me is something I will preserve long after they have faded in my memories. I shall share it with my grand children someday and we all will laugh about it!

Shraddha is an artist. She makes wonderful candles for fun and she knowing how much I love the sea had made me a candle in blue with small shells in it. My very own personal sea, a lot more dear to me now that I am so far away from them and from the sea.. I have forgotten to click a picture of that but I soon will. And she had also made a wax cake which my sweety happily munched through one fine day and is lost to me now. However, they jointly worked on a card.. its like a long letter actually that brings tears to my eyes everytime I read it.

If it had been perfect I might not had liked it so much. It is askew and it has lot of grammatical errors and for that reason alone its dear to me. Weird logic I know.. I cant explain it! See it for yourself!

This one really was upside down :D :D

This says... " The story began before 21 years ago.. ( do excuse the grammar :) )
We are sure that there had been a great blast, explosion, earth quake or something more horrible because- "

"... great people always bring something like this.. ( Rememeber shri krishna janma? ).. hey don't be so proud to be called great! We are too generous to call our friends as great.. Greatest !! Well Welcome to 22.. "

"... We all wish a wonderful, joyous and dinchac ( dashing in mumbaiyya hindi) birthday forever.. our loving charming friend.. We all wish that you will get everything you ask from god; all the dreams .."

"... All desires , even the smallest wish you make . God is always with you { this includes irritating people or friends and making them feel guilty too}.. Birthday is a millions of movements (was supposed to be moments he he he) each holds joy, fun and success you planned... "

".. Happy birthday from Teddy bear ( He was a senior I had a huge crush on!) .. 'We know that this teddy is not as cute n handsome than he is- Plz adjust'...."

".. Hi Maina bai This is from kaku bai and shanta bai,... ( This is chiman Rao.. that birdlike thing.. chiman==sparrow) Tall dark and handsome Yeh dil maange more( this heart wants more).."

Ah Maina bai was my pet name :D :D We gave each other such ethnic pet name.. Smital was kaku bai coz the guy I used to tease her with was called kakaji and Shraddha was Shanta bai.. coz she is so quiet by nature :)

".. Keep singing and washing clothes in your unique style .. Hey! Forgot to wish Morey? ( Morey was a guy in their class who had same Bday as me and they teased me by his name :D) What.... ? He is engaged? So what? Its 14th Jan factor You have to wish him! Its okay now.. I will wish on your behalf.. { What?? Why am I insisting so much? You know ! No? Then ask Kakaji.. ** The very same guy whom I used to tease smital with** }

Have a colorful birthday! Fill your life with colors of rainbows...

We thought very hard for your gift .. finally we decided to give you a beautiful -ROSE that would be a great gift for our Rosy friend.

"..But we have to cancel that idea.. coz.. coz.. We find you more charming than any rose . So, we are sorry .. Then we feel that yummy yummy chocolates would be a good gift for you.. A chocolate for someone we love.. "

"..but we have to cancel that idea too-because we find that chocolates are not enough to tell you what we feel about you - So we are sorry! We finally settled down to a bottle at a bottle of 'scent' but we were afraid that it may lose its fragrance We cancelled that too We are very sorry!!!

Now we have nothing special to give you than.... "

".. OUR FRIENDSHIP.. But we promise you that it will never lose its fragrance and will always remain fresh and yummy.. no matter where we are and how far we are..- Yours.. "

Smital has put her thumb print and shraddha signed :D :D

*sigh*

How can I not love these guys?

An interesting conversation...

2009-02-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

Recently on gtalk had this conversation with a friend..

M: hows ya?

L: m good

njaaing shingilldum for nw :P

howz ya

all outta luv?

M: yeah all outta love

am doing gr8

i have realized

love is not for me

L: yeah rite ;P i believe u

M: :D

i get bored so easily

i think i shud have a harem of men
:D

L: so?

its the other's responsibility to keep u entertained

ahem

M: yeah yeah

L: I dont think muthalik will like that :P

M: he he he don't worry we will gift him thousands of pink chaddi

and

that wud be it

L: I bet he mite even be tryin some of those on at home

dum dum

M: ha ha ha

They say we have no choice...

2009-02-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

Some finally say.. We do! Oh yeah we do. We all know that for a democracy to work.. We need to vote. The cynical of us lot would complain how hard it is to get an election card and all.. now thanks to Jaagore things have become a tad easier than before. Atleast we have information required. Better than before isn't it ?

And now, we have come across an amazing fact that we have a choice of saying none of these... So we cannot complain anymore that.. koi bhi accha nahi hai.. kise vote kare? The point is kisi ko bhi nahi.. We need not choose between 2 evils, We can choose to not choose them at all.

And if still we complain.. if we are still laidback and ask.. how do we know who is good and who isn't? Well guys, one of the most beautiful venture that I have seen.. Its a campaign to say no to criminals in politics. To choose better people. To force politicians to be accountable in some way.. It is called..

Say no to criminals in politics.

And how do we determine that ? This website has a database of any cases that are filed as on 2004. I know this is quite outdated. I am sure it will be updated soon enough. But we can atleast have some information here. It is a great venture surely.

And for the people who complain that the line for voting is too much. We all know that we can vote online too.

Hence, after all the resources available to us, if we fail to vote and then question our leadership.. or complain about the 'country in shambles' really the country doesn't deserve such citizens and they better migrate!

P.S: Two interesting sites other than Jago re that gives us information about voting.

http://www.votedeindia.org/
http://voteindia.in/

I learnt V

2009-02-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

That the most honest answer in the world is 'I don't know'. However, the older we grow the harder it is to accept it.

BlogAds.

2009-02-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

I want to share with you guys a special blog. I have yet read only one post and I am already in love with it. And the template is just wow! And the person who blogs claims to be 61, but the youthful ways of his belies it completely. Every time I respond to his comment I leave with a smile. His is a humorous blog. More than that it is a blog thats more humane than any other blog I have read as of yet.

Without much ado, I present Daylight Again

Oh and if you have more time (which I did incidentally) Kindly go through all the other blogs. They are full of pictures that make you go Awwwwww!!!

In prison I found true freedom

2009-02-19T20:01:00.000-08:00

In prison I found true freedom

When I came across this statement initially ( in reference to the movie Provoked) I was not convinced. However after seeing the movie I realized it was apt. And yet, I haven't realized how apt until now.

For true freedom is freedom of spirit. If we are free, we do not value our freedom nor understand what it really means. And hence we slave under many undue influences, both good and bad. And since we are influenced we are not free.

And yet, if we are forced into bondage we tend to disassociate from the particular situation and hence find true freedom.

Paradoxical isnt it? We need bondage to actually feel free :) Like one needs danger to lose fear of death. And hope of peace to go for war....

On a side note: In that movie, more than the husband of the victim, I hated the mother in law! For she seemed to have erred in many ways. but then, like the victim, she knew no other way of life...

Writing.....

2009-02-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

Is your writing life healthy these days? How do you keep your writing life alive? What are some of the remedies you use to revive it?

Writing is a natural extension of my garrulous self. Somehow I have this relationship with words that I cannot define in any other way. I have a need to communicate. This need goes beyond trying to communicate my feelings. I mean.. I have infinite conversations with myself which are in effect just monologues and some dialogues. They can range from anything emotions to opinions on issues.. current or otherwise. They help me resolve issues in my mind to crystallize my opinions which I have found are generally a bit removed from most. And mostly whimsical too. I have found that I have 2 different opinions on the same subject.. which differs with moods. Whimsical indeed. And writing them down provides me a constant source of entertainment.

I have also found that I can express way better with writing than in conversation.. where more often than not I end up arguing.. or fumbling for words.... Though I do converse a lot.. and yet.. to put forth my point of view I find writing the best possible medium. And yet, I balked from putting my thoughts to words.. simply coz, I hated writing on paper ( I still do) Blogging was a godsend..

For long, it was hard to express myself.. the words that were trapped for so long were hard to come by.. but they did and they haven't stopped as of yet. I may stop writing poems. I may stop writing stories.. but I can never stop writing. I know that for sure!

Also, even if I feel uninspired, I still do write.. of random stuff.. of silly stuff.. but there is always something to write about. If not, prompts always give me some thing to think about..

Or else.. my indefatigable memory is gift..I have so many stories to share from past.. so many opinions to share.. No. I never feel dearth of inspiration to write.. Probably coz I am afraid that if I stop I might not write again.. I am afraid to stop...

So my answer is...

Is your writing life healthy these days?

Oh yes!!

How do you keep your writing life alive?

Simply by writing! There is no other way!

What are some of the remedies you use to revive it?

---> Prompts

---> Reviewing anything books, movies, music, people

---> Tags! They make you think

---> Other bloggers.. some poems.. some books

---> Looking within.. there is so much to share !

Book Mania....

2009-02-18T04:00:00.000-08:00

If you remember nearly a month back I had said that I am picking up books challenge ? Well I am not. I got bored of picking the books as per the alphabets.. However I have not stopped reading books. But I have ofcourse not reviewed them. Lazy me. These are the list of the books I have read already. I have even included 2-3 lines of review. I might do a full fledged review when I am bored enough :D

1. The Smoke Jumper by Nicolas Evans : I liked it in parts. Its a love triangle with lot of side effects. War, jealousy, Friendship etc etc. Kind of masala. Frankly expected it to be better.
My Rating: 5/10

2. Ice bound by Dean Koontz : This was all it had promised. Intrigue. Thrill and suspense. Umm there is quite some action too. Few scientists trapped on a moving iceberg and a killer amidst them with a hidden motive. No where to run and no where to hide. And to confound it all being saved by a German sub marine at the height of WW II
My rating: 7/10

3. Life of Pi by Yann Martel : I remember reading its review long long time back in my student days when I used to yearn to buy books like this. But all I could hope was to pick something from the Raddi shop.. anyhow, this book was a let down. The writing style is good. But the story line.. too cliched. Too hard to accept.. It is a fiction not a fantasy! however, the writer seems to lean towards the latter. Picture this. A small kid of 10-12 left on a life boat with a very hungry tiger for more than 20 days. And yet alive to tell the tale. And able to survive with skills which are beyond comprehension.. Still an engaging read. Though the description of gore left me all pukey..
My rating : 4/10 Read at your own peril :D

4. Echoes by Maeve Binchy: I was enthralled by the character sketching that she did. The heroine, the hero and the other man. The story was conventional. It was based on a provincial town in Ireland. It could have been amazing. There was potential certainly. But it was a let down. The only saving grace is you don't feel let down until the end. The character of "Gerry Doyle" was so amazingly etched with all the details, only to be wasted. His story goes no where and to finish the story off he is killed ( Rather he commits suicide) Even this is not written with the panache she made us believe she had.
My rating : 5/10 It can be a one time read.

5. Confessions of a Falling woman by Debra Dean ( finished it today :) ): I was at Landmark on Sunday, not planning to buy anything ( ended buying 5 books. Glutton me!) And this book was at the display. And to pass time, I read the first short story. And I fell in love. Her writing style is so refreshingly funny. It is a collection of urban stories. Nothing spectacular about the stories but the writing style keeps you hooked. Like in the first story it talks about a guy called "Tim". he is extremely funny and sweet and jovial. In an apartment building where no one knows anyone.. he binds them together with friendship. Soon it feels home. Though he doesn't seem to have an iota of ambition, he gets a chance to be comedian and takes it . He makes fun of every tenant he connected to and ofcourse never comes back to them. He makes it big ofcourse. And the ppl who came together drift apart.. as I said nothing spectacular about the story. However, if you read it, you will feel connected. You will identify yourself with them.
My rating : 8/10

6. Family Blessings by Lavyrle Spencer : I had read her earlier novel 'With hope' and was impressed. She takes few characters from suburban America and spins a story of their life that takes you through whole gamut of emotions. You love them, you get angry and you worry for them.. and finally everything ends with happiness.. and not without tinging with loss of loved ones, strength of character etc etc. An average read yes. Nothing special about the story. But feel good! You cannot help but end it with a smile and feel that life is worth living :)
My rating : 6/10 A story for lazy winter nights :)

7. The Second Silence by Eileen Goudge: This is the kind of story I love! 3 strong characters of women. Three generations of it. Strong personality, Lots of love and misgivings. They struggle to make sense of their relationship and their life. They would rather sever it and yet, they are fused by umbilical cord that no one can ever see.. A beauty! *sigh*
My rating : 8/10

8. The Maze by Catherine Coulter : It is a suspense thriller with romantic undertone. There is a psychotic serial killer. A totally cynical daughter. A overtly strict father and a senile mother. To add to the fun, The daughter is a cop on the case. The other daughter was killed by the killer. Ah the maze of confusion, suspicion, trust and madness. total fun!
My rating : 7/10

9. Vienna Prelude by Bodie Theone: A love story based just before World war II. Story of German Jews in Austria. Nothing new in the story and yet it attracts you and makes you read the whole thing. Very Very Romantic *sigh* Again a feel good movie And this book has made me intrigued enough to read Faust. I might read that after I finish all my books here really. Some interestingly philosophical insights. It is not a light read but a fun read :)

My rating : 7/10

10. Taltos by Anne Rice : Oh I loved and I loved it! The stretch of imagination is so beautiful. Though The writing style is nothing spectacular.. its the story that holds you tight. I loved reading it and I even fell in love with this taltos! The childlike Giants! My only rue is the end. The end sucks. Yes it is a happy ending but quite rushed As if the story didn't fit within limits pf the words.. or may be she lost interest and just wanted to end it!

My rating : 6/10 It is huge! Read it when you have a lot of time on you

11. Cane River by Lalita Tademy : Again a story based in southern USA.. rather before Civil War. And again story of 3 generation of women. Strong characters and all that jazz I said in second silence. The best part is though its a fiction, its a story of the authoress's Family. She has traced her roots and has written such a poignant tale of it. It made me want to trace my roots :D

My rating : 8.5/10 I simply loved it.

12. 34 Bubblegums and Candies by Preeti Shenoy : I was attracted initially by the cover ( I easily get attracted by the covers) And the book lived upto it! It was gifted to me by pratsie for my birthday yay! Its out and out collection of feel good stories. Of everyday life of the authoress. She is an avid blogger too and the book is worth reading really. It is a light read almost like a coffee table book.. and yet, it would leave you with some lingering thought or a smile on your face :)

My rating : 8.5/10

13. A Married Woman by Manju Kapur : This is a poignant tale of a housewife of a middle class ( upper middle class if you like) family in Delhi. Her dreams, her feelings, her search of identity. It is bold in a way. She ends being in a lesbian relationship and yet this doesn't seem out of ordinary. I don't remember who said it, but every woman is potentially bi- sexual. And frankly I can agree to it. I mean two women in a relationship can give a lot more warmth a lot more comfort than a man can give. Simply coz their needs are similar. The way they approach a relationship is similar. This book is worth reading for the way a woman is described. With all her vulnerability and all her dreams. A woman with sexual urge and urge to reassert her identity. A woman lost..... And yet , I find the end doesnt live upto the boldness we saw all through the story. The end shows the woman choose conventionality over her heart. But then, may be thats more close to reality ..

My rating : 7.5/10

Tag!

2009-02-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

Tagged by kris yay!!

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes.. my great great grand mother.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Erm.. few weeks back I guess.. I really dont remember.. I can easily cry.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No not really I hate writing on paper

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH?
In summer.. curd rice with mango pickle :) else anything made by me

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not yet. But plan to have them

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Lucky to be :)

DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Occasionally.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I guess so.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Would love to!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Rice :P :P

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Feel lazy to!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Chocolate chocolate all the way!

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their smile. Somehow that gives me a inkling about how they would be :)

RED OR PINK?
Pink :D :D

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Umm that I dont complete what I start

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Myself.. what I was may be :)

DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Its their choice :)

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants: Blue trousers. Shoes: Umm bronze heels ;)

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Better Man by Robbie williams

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Orange :)

FAVORITE SMELLS?
Petrichor :D

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Navin. Its usual thing for us.

DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Totally :)

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Umm none :D

HAIR COLOR?
Black

EYE COLOR?
Black.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I have them just dont use it :D

FAVORITE FOOD?
Home cooked simple fare.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings :D

Emotions

2009-02-17T03:02:00.000-08:00

They are such a web of tangles. I am not sure anymore what I really feel and what I imagine I feel!

Lovey dovey me :)

2009-02-16T02:00:00.001-08:00

No guys I am not gonna write about love. I am sure by now you all are tired of love.. Ah if you are not.. may be you would love to have a look at this :P :P

I have 2 love stories.. almost novellas waiting in pipeline to be completed. And as usual I am losing interest. I wonder if you would be kind enough to read thru the both and choose.. which one you like the best. I shall complete that first...

Caution: They are all mush :D

Love story - Untitled

A love story

Click at the chapter title to read the whole story. If you are lazy to read the whole story.. do look at the sneak preview ;)

And if you still would like more of mush here.. I can list down my mushy short stories too :D

Looking forward to your comments!

A query....

2009-02-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

There are some things you cannot share with your sister. And some you wouldn't want to share with your friends ever. And yet, you would like to share it with someone. It is too personal even by my standards to blog about. At those times whom do you share it with ?

Arrrghhhh!!

2009-02-13T01:53:00.000-08:00

Some people are not meant to have kids. And they are not supposed to have 'male' kids at all! Bah! Our neighbors are having a huge problem with their sons. And everyday is a saga of big fights.. that ofcourse wakes us up from sleep every damn day! Albeit the kids are unruly.. they dont study well and keep playing etc etc... The mom tries really hard to make them study which ranges from cajoling till screaming.. telling others how 'bad' their kids are etc etc.. nothing works!

And today the mom was soo angry that she kept cursing them that you will die in a accident.. your family will burn in fire etc etc!

I mean this is heights.. what mother will curse like this.. for anyone.. forget her kids??

I know I know she was at her wits end.. but this isnt a solution!

Really some parents are not meant to be parents! :| :|

Making of a poem....

2009-02-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what I am trying to say here. Poetry is not made. It evolves. Whispers of it resonate in your very being. Until it reaches the crescendo and translate into words. These words then haunt the forbidden recesses of your mind and finally transcends into a verse that one writes. How can it be made?

And yet, something compels me to write about it.

I am very proud of the last two poems I have written. Generally I tend to keep both sides of me. The poetic side and the blabbing side.. separate. I mean I almost never post my poems or discuss them here. But for some reason I want to today.

They say, though all the pieces of art are dear to an artist, some of the pieces are more so than others.

And these two poems are for me. They are the hallmark of my poetic ability. I am trying to say something in them.. which for long I felt .. I wasn't in any of my poems.

Why making then?

Simply.. coz I could actually feel the process of writing them out. The theme lingered on for long.. waiting for words. Words.. provided in a prompt jostled to be fit into the idea.. and then a beautifully crafted verse was formed. If I sound tad too proud of myself, do excuse me. One is allowed to be.. once in blue moon. And if you don't find my poems as nice as it seems to me, kindly refrain from commenting about it ;)

Sometimes, silence is golden :P

Okie here goes nothing!

Alive

A heave of breath,
Slowly rising and falling,
A mind numbing, blood curdling,
Breast thumping cry....

This night will never end,

Like squirrel we scamper,
Trying to find cover. We fail. As always!

Our bodies,
A live canvas,
Red. Blue.
Enmeshed with
Streaks of brown and black.

Visually alive.
Spiritually dead.

Chronicles of a my life
A facsimile of yours

Rabble Rousers

Oh rabble rousers,
Arouse my soul
From this unbidden sleep.
Long forgotten consciousness
Needs a rude awakening
It seems lost
Since eternity.

Oh rabble rousers,
Break the walls,
The unwanted fences,
Cemented with fear
Rearrange my torrid emotions!
It lies in disarray,
Since eternity.

Oh rabble rousers,
While you are at it,
Can you please,
Find my voice
Make it heard above the noise.
Validate my existence
It lies in wait
Since eternity.

I learnt IV

2009-02-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

Synchronicity of life astounds me. Can you believe that if we walk for long, our legs automatically gets synchronized.. or our heart beats too if we stay close for a long time. This still seems okay. Female monthly cycle gets synchronized over a period of time if they stay together for long enough. ( know this from experience.)

Sweety

2009-02-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

They say the dog imitates its owner so much so that you cannot make a difference between them.. it becomes an extension of the owner.. I didn't know how true it was until today..

Since both of us sister work, sweety is left mostly with dad.. and when they snore in tandem.. Its a symphony you would rather miss.. really.. my point was sweety snores.. as loudly as dad :D

And today, she was sleeping with sister and snored so loudly that she startled herself.. She woke up and started barking loudly without knowing what startled her :D :D

The story of a frog

2009-02-09T17:03:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a small community of frogs. As it happens in those days they spoke beautifully. In soft tender tenor they would sing songs of the pond. The lotus would go to sleep listening to their songs. The flies mesmerized by them would stop mid air alas would be caught dead. The birds would keep quiet in envy. Move away high up on the trees to sing.. to not to interrupt. Few of the brave souls would try to challenge them but most either slinked away or joined them in their symphony keeping time.

It was an ideal world. A paradise.

Into such a world came one poor frog. He didn't have a sweet voice. He croaked. And to balance this defect out, god had given him the skill of enterprising and the intelligence to use it. He marketed himself as unique artist. When he spoke people listened. Simply coz he was different. He was very much in demand.. and the whole of next generation imitated him blindly. Especially the Toad X.

Toad X was such an imitator that he surpassed his idol. He talked like him walked like him. And inculcated it onto others as the 'cool' thing!

Many generations passed as it happens and all the frogs forgot that they can sing. They all croaked now and thought, croaking is how they sound. Until one day Mr X jr was born. Interestingly, he was left alone by everyone coz he sung. And when he sung, the flies stopped mid air. All the members of the pond envied him and hated him.. coz he was so different. Which he wasn't.. he was more true to what they really were than any body else. And that my friend was his crime

He was suppressed, tortured until he gave up singing until he died. And when he died, he was celebrated as the one and only singing frog who was brave enough to survive in this cruel pond...

And that is the story of every being in this world....

I learnt III

2009-02-09T13:51:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, even the blues are full of color.. all you need is color filters..

True love...

2009-02-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes living makes me cynical so much so that I don't believe in love and yet.. there are some days and some people who leave me wistful yes.. but make me even more hopeful.. for they make me believe in love.

Today I met one such couple. My friend Bunty and his bubbly.. who is not actually 'bubbly' but has a bubbly personality. They have been college sweetheart and now after 6-7 years later they got engaged in November. We met for the first time after they met.

Its so amazing to see their easy amiability and their love. They don't keep hugging each other or anything.. there is such an comfort zone between them that you don't feel as if you have come in between two of them.. like you often feel when there are two people in love.. in its first bloom..its like their happiness rubs on you.. they know each other's faults and have adjusted to it.

Man I can't really express it properly.. but I felt so great to see them in love and totally in ync with each other.. the easy way they completed each others sentences.. or the way they shared food.. ordered for each other... teased .. it was a pleasure to watch :)

I hope one day I can boast of a similar relationship :)

Oh yes.. next month on the same day as today two of my college friends.. my project partners are tying the knot.. they were also college sweethearts.. its so nice to hear of love affairs that end in marriage... call me old fashioned.. but I totally dig happily ever afters..

I agree marriage is really not happily ever after.. but in a total hindi filmy style it is.. and I love hearing about it :D

Two of my best friends also are going to tie knot in Nov 2009.. this year is going to be totally lovey dovey!!!

25 things about me.. you would never know otherwise...

2009-02-08T04:02:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Kris :)

When I read this blog and knew I was tagged I was so interested to write it.. however I realized most things about me are already written.. and to write something new that too 25 of them! Uff.. but i am going to try really hard :D :D

I don't look into mirrors anywhere but in gym ( thats a recent addition)
Before throwing anything out.. I like to break into small pieces. Be it cardboard or paper or anything else
I don't like my hand empty for a long time. I fidget.
I can cry that I am not able to find my socks at the same time I had hard time crying when my mom died. For a long time I didn't cry
I was a cry baby when I was young so much so that even an angry look can make me cry
I was a kind of kid who would talk to strangers.
I love walking barefoot
I have semi nudistic tendencies
I was considered weird in school and never had a 'friend' until I was in 9th grade
I have never won any prize in school or ever came first ever until in 10th grade I came second shocking all the school and 1st in FY BE
I like making weird noises
I also talk in various accent just for fun
I kiss my sweety ( A lab) even forcefully hug her
I love getting wet in rain.. walking in rain.. dancing in rain..
I love basking in the sun like a cat
This is weird.. I love when flies walk on my skin. The sensation is vaguely pleasurable
I save wrappers of every gift I have ever received
I was never formally pierced .. I mean I never had that ceremony.. my sister got her ears cut due to power failure and my sister's earings got stuck in my mom's saree hence my dad was wary of getting me pierced
I day dream a lot. Milk over boiling.. food getting burnt.. keeping dog biscuits in dad's cup board.. not knowing where mobile is.. and keeping the mobile in silent and forgetting all about it is some of the examples of the very same affliction
I am never on time anywhere and yet I have never missed any train or any bus.. somehow the very same bus/train gets delayed...
I happen to have some mysterious experiences that relates to ghost and yet I dont believe in ghosts
I get lost in the area I call my 'home ground'
I take my own sweet time to fall in.. and then out of love.. I took 5 years for the first serious love and nearly 8 years for the second love ..
I am deeply romantic and yet cynical enough to think true love doesn't exist
Ah I started with mirrors.. let me end with mirror. As a kid I loved to watch myself crying.. I even used to make faces and cry ah and yes... I could cry at will :)

Ah finally done :D :D

2 years of blogging!!!

2009-02-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

As it happens I had forgotten a huge milestone.. yes its been 2 years I have been blogging regularly :)

This blog started as Weird me then went to blabbers galore and finally settled to "Catawampus me"

On this occasion let me introduce a new URL for this blog.. its http://www.catawampusme.co.nr

The current url works ofcourse.. in addition to that this new one also works :D

Also, I wanna mark this special by awarding few of my choicest blog buddies :)

1. Neeru: Hon, I cannot tell how much you mean to me.. but then the beauty of knowing each other for so long is that we really need not say it.. we know! If it wasn't for your constant earlier support.. in writing stories in writing poems.. in commenting.. I dunno if I would have ever continued. You are someone I felt I had a right to be angry.. to be sarcastic.. to be me.. actually! Thank you so much for that.. I remember the story that got published.. you were the first one to know of the story.. even before I wrote it.. I had a rough idea.. You were my sounding board! Thank you so! If it wasn't for your encouragement I might not have ever wrote it!

2. Nancy: I know I have said many times that you are my guardian angel of comments.. but there is more. You are simply so sweet.. always there with encouragement with comments.. always there to nudge me when I am being slack.. like those comments asking where I am .. when I dont post for a week.. makes me feel touched that.. though we know next to nothing about each other... you still care.. and yeah thanks for that post card :)

3. Vinay and Sid: I am clubbing you both together coz you both are such great friends and also coz you both jointly commented on my poems and post so regularly.. I dont even remember how you visited my blog but you did and have been regular for so long.. Thank you so much for your kind and continuous support!

4. Anoop: Once upon a time you dropped in from the blue and you have been around for so long.. with comments with support and with much needed criticism. You have always been honest about if you liked my post or not. I appreciate that very much.. and even more than that I appreciate your friendship :)

5. Vishal.. I know you dont blog as much as I do or have time to read my blogs.. still for so long you have been a constant reader/commenter.. even if you didnt much prefer reading.. I even forced you to read by giving links.. and you did read them and gave such sweet comments all for making me happy.. love you for that bunny pirate!

6. Floey, Ishaan, shay, Mani meow, Gaurav, Ankur, pramod aka pensativo.. ah so many of you who used to read me before thank you so much for being there...

7. For Kris, Agnes,Pratsie, Rambler, Bhav Karthik and Usha ma'am.. and for you nave who has read all if not commented..you all have from time to time commented and made my life more enriched.. made me feel more touched.. more noticed.. As I said I need attention

And all of you have provided me that amply.. thank you so!

And here is my simple award.. a way of thanking really.. do accept!

I learnt -II

2009-02-07T23:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes living in the moment is not enough and at others there is no better way of living. The wisdom is in choosing when to do what. Balance is the key :)

I learnt..

2009-02-07T03:15:00.000-08:00

I learnt today that...

I am not as good as people think me to be.. and people don't think I am as good as I think they do..

P.S: Do tell me should I have a 'I learnt' series... I mean something like Rambler does at Random Randomness and Cess does with her Monday morning jokes and pratsie at the Smiley moments.... ???

Frankly I find it very interesting.. May be I should :)

Imagination...

2009-02-06T23:49:00.000-08:00

The problem with imaginative people is that you never know where the imagination ends and reality begins...

Blogging life...

2009-02-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

She tiptoed quietly out of the room. The early morning sounds were quite familiar to her.. the chirping of birds, the ticking of the clock.. and fuzzy sounds of the intermittent traffic on the road, made loud coz of the utter silence that surrounded her. She made a hot cup of coffee as she liked it. Strong, with little milk and no sugar and not like her husband who liked it with lot of sugar and lot of milk, one of the few luxuries that she awarded herself... And now she is going to indulge in the second luxury of the day.. Blogging.... This she indulged sparingly.

He didnt seem to understand why she wanted to write and that too online.. wanting others to read about their life. She could very well do it in a diary.. She cannot explain or justify it so she stealthily blogged when she knew he would be sleeping for a long time and cannot see.

Today she wrote....

I don't understand why people claim that marriages have little or no romance. Or that to keep romance alive one has to have a lot money, time or inclination. For me, romance is about attitude. If one is romantically inclined even the mundane things can be made very very romantic. Figure this!

The other day I was teaching our kids the virtues of brushing teeth regularly. Also, I make it a point that I change their brushes every 2 months. And yet, when I found that Ritu was using her old toothbrush instead of new one, I gave her a special lecture about how important it is to change toothbrushes....

The next day I found a new toothbrush in our bathroom with a note stating..

Dearest,

You take care of every one of us but forget yourself. Why haven't you changed your toothbrush?

At first I was irritated that he had pinpointed my mistake! And yet when he came from behind and hugged me and whispered, .. this is what I am here for.. to take care of you when you forget yourself.... I couldn't help but be touched. Who knew something as trivial as toothbrush can be romantic? So people don't think that romance is lost.. just find new ways to enjoy love !

...........

Smilingly, she closed the laptop. It was time to start the day. And when she went to the bathroom, and saw the oft-used brush languishing on the stand. She smiled wryly and replaced it with a new one.

P.S: A silly romantic story after a long time...

P.P.S: The seed of this story started from one of your blog post Nancy.. hope you don't mind me dedicating this story to you :)

P.P.P.S: Dedicated to Nancy :P :P

P.P.P.P.S: Please look at the last line carefully.... ;)

Awards n Promizes

2009-02-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

I have been awarded recently ** read since the last time** by pratsie, Usha Ma'am and Rukhiya...

My lazy bones refuse to add the images to my blog.. *ah the old ones are waiting too**

Kindly excuse me this one time.. on some lazy day this blog would be updated with the images... I phromizeee!!!!

And in the mean time.. Thank ye!

I have a lot to thank really...

And many to thank too.. though I have not been regular anywhere anymore.. I shall return.. and it a bang.. that ij a phromize too!!

Orderly disorder.....

2009-02-04T12:49:00.001-08:00

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

This was a prompt on Catchwords.. one has to utilize this quote in someway in their post.. may be write an essay on this quote... and yet.. it somehow reminds me of few of the past memories that I have..

Closet cleaning always has been fun.. long before I had a closet for myself.. I mean since childhood.. My mommy was a hoarder... so every time she cleaned her closet.. it was veritably a treasure hunt.. every scrap of sequin and ribbon.. left over cloth pieces.. bundles of wool that she bought hoping to make sweaters and never found time for.. ah and books and pages and pages of scraps.. forgotten lil note-chits. She would employ us to help her out.. however, we used to be so excited about learning new stuff that.. ah we created a greater mess... Oh and I shouldn't forget jewelery and sarees.. my sis would try every other jewellery.. and I would wrap more than 2-3 sarees at a time! Man was it fun!

I havent rememebered that in a long time... :)

And then as and when I grew up... mostly my closet was overfilled.. if anyone recalls the old videocon washing machine ad where when the kids open the closet the clothes fall.. well my closet was just like that.. If i have any thing thats ruthlessly organized.. its my books closet.. !!

But ofcourse my closet is way better now.. but those days.. looking for a dress meant.. throwing most of the clothes down ** didnt need much effort.. it fell anyways* find the one I wanted and dump the rest back.. again a crazy treasure hunt :D :D

My closet nowadays, is pretty organized and yet.. cleaning them still is a pleasure.. though I am not a 'hoarder' I sure am quite emotional.. every gift wrapping.. and every small note that my friends wrote to me.. a collection of shells from the sea.. and colored pebbles from the river banks.. saved.. umm and my lil purses n key chains.. a collection of them.. and few scraps of favorite quotes.. snatches of lyrics.. forgotten half made poems.. and rants written on papeer blotched with tears..

*sigh*

I have no way of ending this post somehow.. I am dstracted by memories and silly anecdotes :)

So I end it with a request.. do share your stories and opinion on this quote in the comment section :)

Right to live with respect...

2009-02-04T12:40:00.000-08:00

Being too excited about my "bad" day.. I actually forgot to blog about the quite interesting time I spent on saturday.. We, as in me and pratsie, went to the Tri-continental film festival held at Alliance de Francaise in Vasant Nagar...

Skipping the usual travelling woes and delays that are part of my going out let me directly get into the whole deal.. i.e the movies.. though strictly they were documentaries it was worth watching

The first movie dealt with refugees from Africa who move to Europe... their troubles etc etc.. What impressed me the most was the cinematography in that movie.. The sun and the desert was used to its hilt to impress us.. it showed pain.. despair and hope...

Oh yes and the last words.. resonated for a long time deep within all of us... ( all who watched the movie...).. It said that Africa is so rich with natural resource and the world looks upto it as cradle of humanity.. why then is it filled with so much apathy.. ah cannot quote it verbatim.. but it affected me..

The second movie was about Japanese sex slaves.. rather Korean ones under Japanese imperialism.. which ever way.. the whole documentary was so gruesome.. both the soldiers and especially to the comfort woman.. what an inhuman word.. for it actually! as if women are nothing but dolls... *sigh*

Sometimes, it fills me with such despair.. these heinous crimes.. I wonder how such ppl are able to sleep at night!

Anyways.. the last movie that we saw.. had us in splits.. though it alluded to a serious issue.. ah but the people shown were soo funny.. It was about the 2005 meerut issue wherein girls were hit by police for they were with their bf's in a "park" where else are lovers supposed to go ?

One has to see it to know about it ... The rhetoric of hardliners.. ah and the coinage of loving "jehaad" where muslim guys want hindu girls to fall for them and have physical relations with them.. so that those females either marry them or are disgraced for life and thus spoiling the "honor" of the family.. erm *coughs*

And some of the funny quips.. which is so stupid! for example,

there was this story about a 18 year old who falls for her much married professor.. they are caught in an " hotel " doing their thing.. and the girl says/... what if he is married.. we fell in love.. love is a gift of god.. and marriage is man made.. love is beyond all this...

erm.. it doesnt seem funny in english.. but it did in hindi..

Anyhow, in light of the Mangalore incident... for those who are more out of touch with reality than me.. in mangalore a bunch of girls were manhandled.. almost molested by a group of drunk miscreants who called themselves as 'Ram sena'.. .. so.. in light of that incident.. this meerut incident seems like an incumbant.. a seed .. actually...

*sigh*

It raises 2 questions in my mind

1. Don't we girls/common people get the right to choose how to live our life? Where did the freedom of expression go.. and yet more importantly.. what does the government do to protect our rights? If a primary tenet of the constitution cannot be implemented properly.. n the defaulters not punished severely.. do we really need a government and oay tax.. when anarchy rules none the less

2. This is more of a philosophical question.. What makes some people think that they r superior and have the right to look down upon anyone ? What propels ppl to do such heinious acts?

For you!

2009-02-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

This is a repost from one of my other blog called as 'My secret diary' . This post was written some time back.. somehow it seems apt for this lazy wintry night...

Dearest,

How many times would I murmur, deep inside, that I miss you? I so want to forget; to let go.. I delude myself that I have finally.. and yet, all I need is one single word from you.. and I am right back to the very same place.. and I so dont want to be there.. Why is it that every gesture of yours.. warms my heart.. why is it that I want you in my life..

I know for sure.. that I will be able to keep you happy.. I have been studying for it.. studying you.. seems like forever.. and yet I know.. I can never expect the same.. that you wont be there for me.. but my stupid heart doesnt mind... all it wants is you! Always...

All those days I waited for you in the canteen.. while you were busy flirting with others.. forgetting all about me.. or all the hours I waited in that station while you missed the bus to meet some girl who traveled in the next..... doesnt matter... Nothing ever matters when it comes to you!.. I would even cross seven seas... for you..

if you really wanted me..

if only.. you took me up for that!

The saddest part is that you know everything .. but you wont bother..

Sigh! I hate you for it.. and yet I cannot help myself loving you!

All you need is to just be.. to exist.. and I would love you forever more!

Yours lovingly,

Thinkers..

2009-02-03T10:07:00.000-08:00

Thinkers are so ambiguously honest! Their lies are easier to detect than the truth. Every little situation is so complicatedly simplified that simplicity is lost in translation ( translation into the real world I mean)

Litany of complaints....

2009-02-02T05:42:00.001-08:00

They say when time is running bad.. you shouldnt try too hard to make it good.. for you will end up being even more frustrated.. Alryty.. its not they who say it..but me..

Figure this.. I trust on this company's service so much so that I already paid the money and waited for the Internet connection. By rule I should get it by 2 days.. however I didnt for 10 days. Finally I had to cancel my subscription and get it from a different company...

If that was not all, my antivirus expired and it won't let me delete it. For "Self protection mode" was turned on.. Even the removal tool from their website won't help! Somehow I managed to uninstall it however, it screwed my computer completely and I had to reinstall the OS.

So even after I did have internet.. I never got to use it properly.. Finally one fine day I decided to reinstall the OS.. with a brand new CD and guess what? The Cd worked half the way and then everything went haywire.. After trying 3-4 diff installation CD I concluded that the issue is with the CD drive... So I took it to a technician..

This technician took me for a fool and wouldnt listen to what I said was the issue.. As it happens he did listen but dint process it. I had clearly asked them to check the CD drive and went to do some shopping in the meantime. 20 min later when I return.. installation is going on.. And guess what ?

He installed it in the drive where data was stored. But ofcourse.. data was lost.. and what more.. he did it by connecting his CD drive to my computer.. And when I asked if he checked mine.. he said no.. He thought the issue was that the installation was not going through.. *$%^&&^*&@& *

Finally he brought in a senior technician.. who checked and said my drive has no issue.. must be the CD.. My guess is that it was that the 'bus' was loose or something.. and removing and putting it back again helped me.. Somehow hardware issues scare me and I never fiddle with my comp's hardware!

Anyhow.. installation was done.. and things seemed fine... When I came home.. everything worked... but the sound card.. now that has an issue.. The driver doesnt seem to work.. I now have to remove the card n put it back up and check if that works.. That is a work for days when I have lotsa patience.. so for now.. I am.. erm my computer is soundless :((

Whoosh.. if that wasn't enough! Yesterday afternoon.. our gas cylinder ran empty.. ( no we still don't have gas connections!) It wasn't a big thing.. we had microwave and the food was already cooked.. only had to make coffee and reheat the food.. Well the gas ppl are nice.. you call them in the morning.. you get the cylinder by 1 p.m or so.. So things didnt seem bad.. but ofcourse I couldnt guess what was in store for me.. erm us!

In the morning.. my sister joined the same gym that I go to.. first of all the trainer gave her a detailed complaint about how I dont seem to work hard ( PBBBHHTTT!!!!)

This was coz I missed 2 days.. (cousin's marriage :( ) And now I have gained 2 kgs back! burrrr!!!
And instead of encouraging me.. he has become vitriolic! how rude!
And then ofcourse the insecurity I feel whenever my sis is around! I mean she is this 'perfect' being.. everyone seems to want to be with her.. like her the first moment they set their eyes on her.. even though she doesnt do anything to get that attention.. or even wants such attention ( and that makes it even more harder for me to be not envious) *sigh*

So I said some really stupid stuff.. she said some reaally stupid stuff.. only saving grace is that I apologized and even accepted that I am envious of her.. and would have rather loved if she visited some other gym.. And the day went through the drains from there..

When I called the gas ppl they said the cylinder cannot come before 6 pm.. which happens sometimes and I wasnt really too worried about it.. its still a good time..
Its my usual practice to sit online right after I come home.. coz I am too tired to work initially and I dont wanna lie down.. for invariably I would sleep...
Today.. the net was down.. I called the tech supp.. I got an IVR.. I never get any IVR.. so that meant they were not in office.. after all its a local cable internet.. not any big hotshot company..

And this IVR wanted me to press keys to choose options.. Now my mobile has one issue.. not exactly an issue.. but I have not figured out how to press keys and send to the IVR from my mobile.. hence I never call Customer care from my mobile.. I searched for my sister's mobile to call.. The battery was down.. the moment I fixed it to the charger and turned it on.. for it had s\wed off as the battery was down and all.. the power went..

I thought everyone's power went... and so went to sleep.. Woke up by 3 for someone was at the door.. That again is one bigggg story better left unsaid.. So I realized.. everyone else has power.. its only us who don't.. But ofcourse we have to call the electrician.. but before that we need to clean up the house.. for sweety left alone had made a mess ofcourse! Finally after cleaning the house.. getting a take out from local deli and having a makeshift lunch.. we decided to find the electrician..

Now.. there is a parellel thread in this story... Before we shifted some 20 days ago to this new house we had given our sofa to the local carpenter to change the cloth and for a lil refitting of foam inside the sofa and all.. he had promised to send it by 1 week... 5 days down the line he said he has to go sabrimala for darshan and cannot give it by 1 week however will do the same by 2 weeks or so. Seeing that we have no choice now that the work was half way done.. we agreed with admonitions that there should be no further delay.. he profusely agreed

We received the sofa today.. 4 weeks later.. *sigh* His excuse was that he is ill.. and in the meantime he didnt receive our calls nor informed us in anyway!! So he was supposed to come today in the morning by 11.. he didn't come ofcourse.. by 5 pm.. when I went to the local electrician's shop.. he wasn't around too.. infact the shop was not open at all..

Finally by 6 pm everyone started arriving one behind other.. yes and within 30 min.. I had gas.. sofa and electricity! And all through the day I made countless phone calls and went personally to get things fixed.. but that didn't happen!

I tell you.. this makes me believe firmly in "RAahu kaal" ;) I got to ask if it was raahu kaal today :P :P

Okay not really.. its like I had to wait for time to be right ..

Phew! Ranting it out makes me feel better :D

Closet Cleaning...

2009-01-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

I dont mean it literally.. but in effect that is what I did today.. there are two major festering wounds in my life.. namely the two guys in my life...

One is a very old friend.. I have been holding a flame for him since I dont know when.. though I haven't told him in as many words.. he always knew my feelings.. which obviously wasnt reciprocated... And yet he kept drifting from one relation to other.. each worser than the last.. and yet never gave me a chance to show how "good" I am for him..

So today finally I put my words into and email and sent it to him.. And I feel great about it.. esp the part where I say...

It might seem arrogant.. but if you ignore my looks and my fatness... you will find that I am much better person than these "wusseys" you seem to find "perfect" for you

I have pined and pined.. hoping you will really find one day how I am perfect for you! I now know you never will

Juts do me a favor and find someone to whom I can graciously lose in competition and not to pitiful creatures who dont know what they want in life and have no spine to follow their decisions nor their love!

I have had enough finally! I really have.. I propbably should have told you before.. but I havent.. but now I will..

He he he! Feels terrific! I have been thinking this and holding on for him for so long that it has become an habit for him as well as me.. it got to shake him and decide if he really wants me or not.. if not.. its time to say good bye! bah!

And also the only relationship that I had in my life.. Amit.. I think its time for me to let go.. to forgive him for what he did.. and myself too...

He was like that hidden wound in my heart tha festered in some corner.. occasionally I would poke it hard.. find that its still tender and let it be.. But finally I have decided that its about time I let the sun fall on the wound and let it heal.. for my poking will never heal it.. if anything infest it more..

So I finally forced myself all evening to read through all our chat sessions on gtalk.. The sessions after the break up to be specific.. for that was the most vitrolic areas.. full of hurts.. and harsh words.. both his and mine..

I guess I needed to read this.. for I realized that the conversations were not as bad as I thought they were.. we even flirted lightly.. laughed even teased each other.. ofcourse there were tense moments.. but there were also moments of concern.. I guess thats what healed me..

There were moments wherein I wanted to hit a reply and say.. you know what.. that time.. I was impatient with you and so were you trying hard to save our relationship.. for anything to have worked out... And now I would love to be your friend.. I could have been kinder.. softer and more patient with you.. I wasnt.. My desicion was right.. Even he has to agree.. and yet.. it could have helped if I was a bit more gentler.. I was hurting so were you Amit! *sigh*

I would love to be friends now.. but I guess it makes no sense to wake up the sleeping dogs.. Anyhow.. I have forgivebn.. and am on my way to forget it :)

Most importantly.. Am healing finally :)

Akshayism..

2009-01-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

Many months back, almost like 1 and 1/2 years back, I met a very curious and amazingly sarcastic and witty kid of 16.. Back then I didnt know he was so young.. and yet.. we had so much fun chatting on yahoo and gtalk and ofcourse orkut.. The hallmark of our chats was use of "Tamil" A language we both are not really very fluent in... Oh yeah and his name is Akshay.. And here are his some of the most funny pronouncements.. you can also read it in his scrap book!

## Be careful before being the first person to do something that is easy, there is a reason you are the first.

Akshayism 7.3.29

## The simple difference between something which you need and something you have is that your needs keep changing without you having to do anything about them

Akshayism 22(otherwise rejected material), chapter 6 the simple differences.

##When in doubt, accept that you are in doubt

Akshayism 7.8.124

##The only difference between you and me is right now, you read, while I'm somewhere probably doing something productive.

Akshayism 22(otherwise rejected material), chapter 6 the simple differences.

##Depression is what happens when on a sunny day, your triple scoop ice cream falls on the ground because you wanted to know the time

Akshayism 3.1.9

##The size of your brain is inversely proportional to your eagerness to measure it.

Akshayism 5.6.61

##Go to hell, at least you'd be sure you've reached the bottom.

Akshayism 5.3.14

##Yes, No and Maybe. the only three replies you need to know while listening to advice.

Akshayism 3.5.11

##Security is what is given to the strong by the weak, to keep them strong.

Akshayism 6.5.12

##Just when you thought everything is right, your still wrong

Akshayism chapter 7(pessimism for enlightenment)

P.S: If you are wondering what the numbers mean.. he says..

About Akshayism:

The excerpts in my scrapbook(s/b as i recently learnt) are from a self composed document called Akshayism, yes to your delight they aren't copy written so you can use them for making a piracy industry bigger than the one already present of bollywood films.
Though i do not intend to share the entire document, for obvious reasons, you can constantly find scripts from the text.

Ooh and the numbers below aren't exactly random, they are organized to a high degree.

P.P.S: Reproduced after asking the author.. I hope this post makes you keen to post your thoughts onto your Showcase .. yeh it is his blog in collaboration with a friend which has no new posts in a very long time!

P.P.P.S: there you go.. its been posted akki :D

Weight Loss...

2009-01-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

The best thing about losing weight is seeing your drab clothes go loose on your body frame! I mean really.. its like waking from a nightmare and being welcomed in the paradise of good clothes :D Wish I could say the same about my shoes.. am still size 10 :(

P.S: My trainers still don't seem happy with my efforts! Damn! I am trying my level best! And I am losing weight! What more they want??? Actually I know! They won't be happy until I do diet.. and I am not gonna follow any diet that I can't continue all my life.. and the pace at which I am losing is just fine.. bah!

Gory dream...

2009-01-25T01:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a gory dream.. not a nightmare as such.. but well a dream I would rather not watch.. As it happens, I was creating a story in collaboration with a friend.. will be posted soon enough..

And I guess that stuck in my sub conscious mind somewhere.. for as I said it was gory dream..

So the dreams goes like this.. I am the audience.. more like watching those silly cheap psycho thrillers.. like SAW .. I have seen SAW I to IV... Umm

So in this movie kinda dream.. there are 3 characters.. it is silly and disjoint.. dont look for logic..

It starts with 2 guys n a girl.. Lets say X and Z are guys and Y is a girl..

So when the dream starts, X and Z are fighting as in whose partner Y would be.. while she sits calmly.. she seems like a little dumb witted..

Somehow then it seems to turn as 'SAW like game show' where in only one person will be alive.. and that person wins something..

in the next scene.. for it seemed like that... It is night.. definitely twilight atleast.. and X and Y are on the tree and Z is trying to climb.. however X n Y dont let him climb.. there is a hungry wolf following them all.. and X wants the wolf to kill Y and let them be..

However, weirdly.. having pity of Z.. Y gives him two glass bangles as weapons.. for that was the only thing they all had as weapon..

Z tries to hit the wolf with the glass bangle and fails miserably! And Then the camera pans at Y she cant see the way the fight is going and is crying uncontrollably.. while X tries his level best to not see as well as console her..

Then its morning... X tries to see if he can see the wolf or Z's body somewhere.. but its not there.. finally they decide to come down to see what to do next.. as soon as X comes down.. the wolf appears and kills him.. and this part was very gory! and yucky! I woke up because of this :| :|

I wudnt have described such a stupid dream.. however, i found this thread in orkut.. and got inspired..

Guys try and interpret my dream.. what do you think this could mean ? I have posted it in that thread too.. I will keep posting their replies here :) Meanwhile rack your brains for the answer :D

My sister says....

2009-01-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

Ah my sister says my poems seem very mature and polished.. but my short stories need a lot more polishing :) Ah the first ever spontaneous comment on my writing! Feels great!

Did I ever tell you how I bludgeon my sister to read my works?

Spilt milk

2009-01-23T07:21:00.000-08:00

A really silly thought came to my mind today...

As it happens, everyday when I come home, I have to heat up the milk. Though it is my sister's set of chores.. she is so nicely asleep that I cannot wake her up.. I do try though.. for you see am so lazy.. and working out does leave me tired.. And all I ever want to do at such time is sleep..

Anyhow, since sleeping that early is not an option.. I need my coffee.. so I make it.. however, I tend to keep the milk in slow flame and sit in front of computer or TV.. And obviously loose the track of time.. and hence, Its been 3 days consecutively , I have been over boiling the milk.. And while I was cleaning the gas stove I remembered early days when my mom spilt the milk.. Dad would always get angry.. He held the superstition that spilling means one's prosperity will go..

While mom maintained that it is an offering to fire god how can that be inauspicious! After all we willfully let the milk boil when we go to a new house .. as an offering and in Pongal...

Anyways.. so I was wondering if any of you knew of any superstition that contradict each other?

Like apparently my dads and mom's did ?

A little more office rant.....

2009-01-22T03:53:00.000-08:00

If you guys remember few days back in one of the previous post, I had mentioned about a guy who had issues with using front page ? So this guy came back again for one more change.. And I was firm this time saying I can't help.. and yet when he persisted.. I felt yet again it was easier to do than ask him to leave.. So I made the change for him.. and in return he writes..

Dear *****,

Thank you so much. Remember, you are always welcome to visit and see the beautiful coast of Oregon, USA. Want to learn to surf? I can show you.
--
Best regards,

***

I mean what am I to reply to that and yet be professionally formal ? Its not like outsourcing is recent phenomenon.. its been at least 10 years now for sure! And also, its not like the customers don't know that we are in India. We dont lie.. and yet why do they have to write us emails that puts us in a dicey position ?

Burrrr..............!!!!

I have been wondering..

2009-01-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

What to do with the internet that we have at home. Both of us, sis and I have become so used to not having it.. now I don't seem to have time to come online. I have so many other stuff to do.. Even the TV has cable connection and yet it has not been turned ON for a long time . We have become used to not using them. Btw I have become really conscious about my diet nowadays.. and you know what I don't feel miserable or deprived.. I feel great! And I have lost 3 kgs yay!! Its like my body enjoys the lighter me :)

The quirky side of me revisited :)

2009-01-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

Well this is a meme.. and I have done it already once before.. However, when Alok asked me to do it again.. I thought why the hell not! I have surely more than 12 quirks :D :D

So here I am .. once again unleashing the few more hidden secrets of the the person called 'Meena'

1. Reading habits: I tend to go by the cover when I buy a certain books.. and title.. and the third step is the story line in the back cover.. Also, I can read even in 'zero' watt bulb.. if the story is engrossing enough.. umm and I tend to read while doing potty.. When I was small I had constipation and hence it was an ordeal.. to do the thing.. and books were a welcome distraction.. and now it has become a habit

2. Day dreaming: Most of the time I spend in day dreaming.. not about future.. not about the 'guy'.. though I do that too.. but mostly about random things.. Like the shape of the cloud , of shadows.. and the infinite possibilities they hold.. even people.. like if I see a cute guy going I might think of ways we could meet and talk and stuff.. or if its a small kid selling something.. I would be worried about the goon who might hit her/him if the sales are not enough.. or about the family he/she has.. etc etc

3. Word Eccentricities : I tend to say certain words in certain ways. Some words gets into my vocabulary and then seem to linger there for a long time.. Like haylo( for hello) beh bah etc etc.. In college I would be like ' mein aagayi' With good night I tend to say 'Happy nightmares' (which means even your nightmares be happy) etc etc.. when in school I had this weird way of saying bull shit.. horse shit cow shit crow shit.. any animal+shit.. or well goddamn! You know like 'Damn! are you coming to my place tomorrow? ' I know doesnt make sense.. but once upon a time it had become such an habit! Like using 'like' 'umm' 'erm' 'just' etc etc

4. Songs: I tend to remember the music more than the words.. if I love a song.. more often than not I can hum the tune like.. tan tadan tadan tada dat tat ta ta tada ta dada da da da.. umm hope you get the picture. Also, I get obsessed with some song and keep singing it all the time.. more often than not .. it would be really a rotu and sadu song like.. Chale aaon Chale aaon.. tumhara yeh haseen chehra mein kaise bhool paaungi.. must be a song sung by suraiya.. yes I love old songs :) And with the nasal twang put in with jest!

5. Cooking quirks: I hate when someone comes into kitchen when I am cooking. I love to have the space to myself.. I tend to cut vegetables by sitting on the sofa.. comfortably.. and if I have time cutting might take nearly 30 min. I like to psyche out while I do it.. And I tend to gorge on half cooked meal so much so that sometimes its 2/3rd of what it was planned to be.. I mean the quantity..

6. Other random quirks: I don't like to be touched when I sleep. I hate small and dingy spaces. I love hugging my sweety when I sleep. I even force her by holding her tight :D I sing when I wash clothes.. the choice of song.. its pace depends on the amount of scrubbing the clothes need. I can dance and sing anytime anywhere. I am quite comfortable in my skin and yet I am unnaturally concious sometimes. I love walking in the dark in the night.. and yet some time for no reason I get totally scared and I run home even at 10 p.m I feel de javu a lot.. umm and so many other things! I can keep adding it here.. but I guess I should stop now.. I have certainly written more than 6 quirks :)

It was one of those days...

2009-01-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

Perfect in every way. Resonant with laughter that danced on the lips and some that lay in wait inside your heart. You know when you feel content with everything in life. With your self..

And it was the day that was spent exclusively with my sister sorting out the closet. A day when I forget to mask myself away from dreams that I consider spurious and let my sister color my words.. with mischievous lilt ..

Days I wonder about on those bluesy nights.. about where they seem to disappear.. but not today.. or rather tonight.. It was just so perfect...

And on such days, I forget all the hurts.. real and imagined.. and open my blog out to my sister, using her good humor as a omen may be.. or just I want to share my pride with her.. I dunno which.. but I went ahead and read my poems out to her when out of the blue she said "Why is it that your poems, not all of them ofcourse, for I have not heard them, but the ones you have read out to me is so full of negativity.. so full of sadness?"

And thud.. I am back to reality.. for such cozy moments cant stay for too long.. they spread too thin..

Any ways.. Do my poems seem unusually sad and negative ?

Audience

2009-01-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

How long will the audience wait.. will they ever be in the spotlight.. Will I ever ?

Sometimes I feel somehow I always end up being an audience

Time and again....

2009-01-17T01:36:00.001-08:00

I meet few people who make me realize how convoluted life people live and mine, in comparison, is so uncomplicatedly simple life . Is it mean of me to look into their life and feel the relief that its not mine?

May be. But yes, it makes me feel glad that I am me, and my life is as good as it can get.

10 things :)

2009-01-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

This is not exactly a meme.. but loosely like that :)

10 positive things of 2008
---------------------------

---> Got my first story published yay!!

---> Got my poems published in an online poetry magazine

---> Got raise

---> Wrote amazing poetry

---> Met many new people, some of them have become more closer than before

---> Learned to let go of people without rancor. ** This took a lot of effort.. but yesh! finally I can let go of people when I have to**

---> Though I have not worked on it exactly, I know now for sure, what I want from life ** About time yeah!**

---> Been less depressed, less down than in 2007. I made a conscious effort to not be moody, though I might have failed some times and yet by and large I haven't been moody.

---> Used more of my creativity positively

---> Spent more weekends out than at home in front of the TV

10 things I hope I will achieve in 2009
----------------------------------------

Not resolutions.. more like wishes :)

---> Get my poems published.. yeah I have turned greedy :P

---> If I can manage, to not be down at all

---> Finally do follow the plan of action instead of changing minds yet again

---> Learn time management

---> Learn to forgive

---> Write more poems and stories ofcourse

---> Try to be more patient, with my family and everyone else

---> Travel more!!!!!!

I have been very mean today

2009-01-14T12:00:00.001-08:00

*contrite* And for no reason at all.. It was my birthday :) And well initially I didn't pick up the calls coz I was asleep.. and later coz I was in no mood to pick up the phone and talk.. I had nothing to say about my plans for my birthday.. We did nothing special.. though my sister did try to make "payasam" but incidentally that "burned" for she got late.. I asked her to do nothing special.. just a simple meal.. I hoped that we all would eat together.. but it was not to be.. as I said she was late to office so she didn't have her lunch.. and I had to finish cooking.. and me n dad had food.. I was upset that the payasam got burnt.. Oh yeah I scolded my sister.. why did u have to make it? now that this vessel is burnt I have to clean it up.. stupid really.. I knew it was stupid even when I said that.. but I still did.. I upset her :(

If that wasn't enough.. our neighbors.. really sweet of them.. but well they brought the usual sankranti sweets to offer.. and as usual.. we didnt bother to make any! And that bugged me! I mean as years pass by we seem to celebrate lesser and lesser.. Earlier sankranti used to be so much fun! It meant pongal and til gul ( laddoos made of sesseme ) And it meant sugar cane.. It meant pujas.. though I am not a religious person.. but I love the feel of it.. of agarbattis burning and flowers around.. and well quaint way in which dad wud say "pongalo pongal" before we lit the cooker on which shoots of turmeric would be tied with sun made out.. in kumkum.. it is a silly custom.. but it was fun.. And years after mom died.. we slowly but surely forgot these customs.. initially it was painful to remember.. and later.. we had no clue how to start.. so we made new customs.. We forgot about the puja part.. but always made good food and we laughed and had food together.. and nowadays that trend seem to be dying too.. I dunno who is to blame..

Is it dad with his total indifference to the world.. the way he kind of has taken a back seat and let us take the reigns?

Or is it our weird lifestyle wherein we sleep in the day and work in the night?

Or is it more deep rooted wherein.. we are no longer thinking as a 'family' ?

Well whatever it is.. no I am not upset.. I just didn't wan't to celebrate my bday.. So I didn't take calls.. anybody's after I woke up in the evening..

But in the night.. in office.. we had ourselves a nice little party.. funded by me yes.. but it was long overdue.. Most of my colleagues have given a party on many occasions.. I kept planning I would.. but somehow never did.. so this time I planned that I just have to! And it was fun...

We had food and we joked around until the calls started pouring in.. the usual work day/night commenced :)

I donno how to describe this feeling.. its not hurt or feeling let down.. it is just plain indifference.. i just dont care anymore!

2009-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

I wonder if it is very vain of me to read my poems and think.. Ah not bad! You do a very good job of it :)

Writer's Meme

2009-01-13T09:24:00.000-08:00

What’s your favorite genre of writing?

Poetry for sure! Its my first love.. but I like to read novels, novellas, short story.. in short anything fiction.. I do not like anything thats non fiction.. Many might say I am missing a lot of stuff.. possibly I am.. but I feel there is too much reality always.. sometimes one just want to escape :)

How often do you get writer’s block?

More often than I would like.. Its not writing as such.. its writing the stories.. more often than not.. I do get a lot of ideas.. putting them in paper or in my case typing them on the blog needs a lot of extra effort..

How do you fix it?

Mostly, I still keep writing.. its better to write badly than not write at all

Do you type or write by hand?

Type! I hate holding pen in my hands so much so that the only time I do hold them is when I have to sign some documents!

Do you save everything you write?

Yes. everything.. I am in love with everything I write even if I am not satisfied with it..

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?

No. Mostly, I lose interest even before I complete it.. and revising the existing work is too much trouble **lazy I know **

Do you have a constructive critic?

I do get constructive criticism but no one who does it regularly

Did you ever write a novel?

Not yet. I don't think I have the patience required for it.

What genre would you love to write but haven’t?

Thriller! Esp psychological thriller.. its just so hard to write though

What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will?

Science Fiction!

How many writing projects are you working on right now?

Uff this makes me feel like a 'real writer' Well I have 3 stories that are half written.. and few others I deleted after they languished in "Drafts" for more than 3-4 months.. for I knew I would never continue.. I had lost interest..

Do you write for a living? Do you want to?

I have not as of yet.. Do I want to... not really.. am not that confident about myself

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?

Few poems for an online magazine.. and well my first short story got published few days ago!!

Have you ever won an award for your writing?

For poem again :) In an contest on Orkut

What are your five favorite words?

Furtively, reflection and piquant.. hope and entwine I dunno why.. but have used them a lot :)

Do you ever write based on your dreams?

Yes. Sometimes :0

Do you favor happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?

I love cliff-hangers.. but I lean equally towards happy n sad endings.. more on the gory side.. i.e ppl die :D

Have you ever written based on an artwork you’ve seen?

Poems yes. Stories not yet.. I wish to though...

P.S: Prompted at Write on Wednesday

Adventures @ ADDR.COM

2009-01-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

Today has been by far a day when I receive all stupid calls :( I mean being stupid is not a crime.. am i not one ? But why do they have the illusion that they know what they are doing ? ) Umm this is going to be a lil technical.. knowing me.. it will be as lil as possible :) .. after all am bitching about work here!

So.. I get this nice lady over the phone.. Her webmaster doesn't like addr.com.. for some silly reason.. well understandable.. he has a tie up with some other hosting company n he wants to make money.. no big deal! The better way would be to move hosts.. Ah! but this smart lady wants to host emails with us and website with them.. even if it means she would have to pay us for both hosting and emails! We are more than happy to oblige.. however, our servers have certain limitations.. and so they have to follow certain rules .. I explained everything to her in detail.. the call lasted nearly 1 1/2 hour.. and yet within 15 min she calls someone else.. and that person spends the same amount of time...

May be she was rechecking ? well whatever.. irked me really.. to have spent so much time making her u\s... I could have been terse and misdirected her!

In that wasn't enough, my next caller was someone who I figure didn't know front page and yet was the webmaster.. I mean hello was creating a hyperlink so difficult? Even someone with rudimentary knowledge can do it.. Thats not really a big deal so much as his habit of mumbling to himself in between.. and yet when I finally fixed it for him.. I was tired of waiting.. I know it was beyond support boundaries but it took 1 min to resolve and 15 to make him see that it wasn't under my support boundaries and he left happy.. and he was sweet enough to leave a nice email of thanks.. umm but he flirted too.. or was he too exuberant ? Who sends "hugs" to a tech supp ?? :O :O The first for me atleast.. and ofcourse I am butt of notty jokes on the floor.. coz leery of giving out my personal email address. even official one.. I gave him support email address.. so everyone could read it .. erm things keep happening to me no?

The third caller was a confused guy! We had set up everything to his liking and yet he made stupid changes at his "Registrar" end.. We are only webhost so if there is a change on Registrar end.. none of our settings mean anything! I had to make him change it back to us.. and all through it he kept losing the chain of thoughts.. and asked me to wait.. "he was looking at something" etc etc.. and he had 2 domains. One not hosted with us and yet, every change I asked him to make for the website hosted with us.. he made it for the other account too.. and guess how messy it was.. luckily 50 min after.. things were finally fixed.. and he disconnected the call when I was discussing it with my colleague to make sure if I am providing the right solution.. heck I even explained him how email forwarding and domain name resolution occurs.. with no less that "post box" analogy.. And he did understand.. gave me a small high really! I will make a very good teacher :)

And the crowning glory was an ongoing issue .. We have been facing this issue for sometime now. This client also wanted to host the emails with us and the domain name with someone else.... And she was sweet enough and smart enough to follow all I asked her to do.. however... the new hosting company's tech support were stupid I suppose.. or may be.. the one she has been interacting with. I verified all the settings and saw that It was pointing to the destination server but the website was not pulling up. I asked the customer to ask the tech supp of the new web host to contact me which he did. After going back and forth about the same old things that we went about through the client.. made a slip saying that he can login to the cpanel for her account. Which was a catch I was waiting to get hold of.. I mean if one service works others should too.. for its like.. umm a bunch of letters within a same envelope ! If you receive one thing and the envelope was not tampered with at all.. you should receive everything.. atleast it proves that the sender sent stuff.. and you received it.. right ?

Anyways.. finally he went incommunicado ! and resurfaced with a new IP address.. hopefully this one should work. My heart goes to the customer really.. her website has been down since a long time now and she has been with us since 2000.. thats a pretty long time.. Infact she would never consider moving from us.. its just her webmaster who thinks can't work with us...

Really trying to make a quick buck thats all..

I know I come across as blowing my own trumpet.. but some days you just have to.. the utter pig pigheadedness of the people.. in this case the clients and the tech supp from the other department.... umm kinda make me feel What the F!!!

Silly Update

2009-01-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

Today when I called dad for lunch.. my sis told him to not step out of the bed without wearing the slippers.. lest I start with my ranting session!! :D :D

My family does have amazing sense of humor.. if only they used it more!