meena iyer

Two days ago I went to this shop to buy coconuts and well you know how steep the cost is.. one would think atleast in South it will be cheap.. it being grown here and used here a lot and all.. but no.. the smallest of the lot was at 7 rupees .. pretty steep from where I look... So well after ages I asked her for discount. I asked to give it for 5 rupees I will buy 3 of them.. she obviously refused.. she said she hardly makes 50 paise per coconut * try karne mein kya jaata hai? * So well I bought it at Rs 7 apiece.. and then well the lady gave me one rupees back

Thats when it struck me.. made me feel like a vile creature.. I mean if i had gone to a mall or a supermarket I wouldn't have haggled... it would be derogatory for me.. and yet those supermarkets and malls can afford to lose this money.. but for this middle class lady.. it would mean may be no chocolate for her kid... isnt it sad that we try to pinch pennies while we spend pounds?

I felt very guilty... I have consciously decided to never ever haggle...

But then you see haggling is an art and fun too.. smart hawkers know how to sky rocket the price and then haggle in a way that the smart customer pays the right price and yet the dumb one pays like stupid and well good for the hawker.... that facet is also there...

Somehow haggling reminded me of a friend of mine... Bijal... she was a spoilt brat and yet.. she did one work at home that was to buy sabji since she was 12 years old... For she had been trained by the best.. her mom.. and she was even better than her... really!

By 4:30 pm.. we used to go with her for shopping.. * She taught her the rudimentary haggling we know.. dad is not good at this stuff and all*

Ah it was fun watching her in action .. She would go through all the market then choose the stall with the freshest goods.. She would ask for half the price they are quoting.. so if the potato was like 14 rupees a kg she will ask for 7.. and they will agree to 10 rupees by that time 3-4 more aunties would come.. infact they timed their arrival with her.. so that they dont have to bargain and the shopkeeper would get good business so everyone was happy... The only glitch was she would haggle for one Kg and buy only quater kg :D :D

Anything she bought.. she has to haggle to get discount.. if there wasn't substantial discount.. well she wont buy at all..

And she would play the I- am- so - young- and -I- have- to work angle so well that so many ppl were willing to give that poor kid a break :D :D

I mean really! Haggling is so much fun! We would go to places.. roam about for hours.. ask them to open every damn thing and then haggle for impossible prices.. and then leave the shop saying its not in our "budget" Few did give in and we had like easy bargain :D :D

Damn i miss it sometimes :-)

Few shopkeepers looked forward to us.. for we always gave them entertainment whether we bought stuff or not :D :D

Even today when i have to go out and do some bargaining.. I miss Bijal : -)
meena iyer


The rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you've answered all of the questions, tag other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do the meme themselves.

Well I don't own an Ipod or use Itunes.. so decided to twist the tag a lil.. as is my habit.. I decided to choose a random play list of Katie Melua on Imeem.. without knowing what the list contains and yes.. shuffling it to the hilt I finished this tag.. lets see how it is now :-)


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Amazing Grace ( ah really!)




WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

On The Road Again ( Is this me? :O)




WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?

Spider's Web ( More like what I think about a "guy" when I am in a relation with!!)




HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Half The Way Up The Hindu Kush ( LMAO!!)




WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Nine Million Bicycles (Owning them?? :O :O )




WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Closest Thing To Crazy ( And I agree :P :P :D :D)




WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Just Like Heaven (Wow!!!)




WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? WHAT IS 2+2?

Piece By Piece (More like how I think!!)





WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Downstairs By The Sun ( Should I give the lyrics too ?? a lil bit? )




WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tiger In The Night ( ha ha ha!!! erm may be about his eyes *sighs*)




WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Kiss Me ( he he he My life story? May be starts with this ;) ;) =D =D )




WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Shy Boy ( ha ha ha may be giving birth to him ;) )




WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Thank You Stars ( May be if I really like him! or her for that matter ;) )




WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Crawling Up The Hill ( Erm thats a nice thing if they think that :) )




WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

I Do Believe In Love ( Bingo!!! )




WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

I Cried For You ( Spot on and a lovely song! Totally love it! )




WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Blue Shoes ( he he he not really color blue yes... but shoes? not like me at all!)



WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

When You Taught Me How To Dance ( I wonder what all we did as I learned ... Hope it is deliciously beautiful things :-) )




WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Call Off The Search ( True! I have the best there is...!!!! )





WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

Blame It On The Moon ( ha ha ha the picture I chose matches!!!)




WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TAG?

Lilac Wine ( he he he.. the color is not incidental :P :P :P )


And now about tagging... well its an open tag again.. I hope Neeru takes it though! Neeru please do :-)

And lastly.. I was sweetly tagged by Vinay unofficially after I kinda complained and all :D :D I love tags and I don't mind if i have to use "make 'em guilty techniques to get em'

Ah just kidding! Vinay dear.. Thank you so much for being the sweetie pie that you always are :- )
meena iyer

It is so funny that some people you meet for a short time and yet their memories lingers along for long.. you think you have forgotten them... may be you have even.. and yet down that long winding road.. where they were left behind they wait for you to remember and remember you do..

All you need is probably is a smile.. a scent... a look.. or may be a book with long forgotten verse.. and sometimes its a date..

Yes sometimes its a date.. funnily enough many a times that date pass by and you dont remember them.. and some day out of the blue you just do..and then you are just hit by the blues.. for words left unsaid.. the guilt.. regret long forgotten.. again burdens your heart..

Yes this story is all about that... and may be holds few sweet memories too

She was the first person I met in hostel. Subdued by the new environment and yes more a little scared .. she was the person to welcome me with open arms.. rest were not there.. they had left to have food in the canteen. She stayed back with her family. They gave lift to my dad for going to the station.. So when they left I realized I had forgotten my dinner home... We shared the same box of food hers... One would believe we would be close isn't it ?

If only.. our nature was completely different.. but that night in the terrace where we had our food and shared our fears,.. and yes shed tears.. we were bonded.. briefly.. by our common experience.. As days passed by.. the pain went in the back ground and other things crowded our mind.. As is usual the girls were studious lot.. and I happened to be carefree.... Always ready to have fun.. for I had tasted freedom for the first time.. with no one to say no to anything I do... I did what i wanted.. if money was short I skipped lunches.. dinners and what not...

So soon enough we started having arguments.. first murmured ones.. behind my back.. and soon enough big ones... so much so that within 3 months we stopped talking altogether even if we were the only 2 people left on the table... The feelings were mutual so the words well lets not talk about the rudeness here....And then things changed one fine day...

One more night it was.. smokey black one.. I find her crying softly.. I wish to move... for a moment.. I didnt want to offer help.. why should I?.. but I did... gave her comfort.. gave her a hug that she needed... And then things changed for better.. we never said sorry.. for somehow it was not needed..

I wont say it was a fairy tale ending with us being best of friends.. thats not true.. but we did become friends enough to smile once in a blue moon.. she had moved out of hostel.. I guess that helped a lil....I mean u tend to see things with a softer light when in distance..

But I would still cherish the words I overheard... she said.. Meena is not as bad as I thought :D :D

I know doesnt say a lot about me .. but coming from her mouth.. it was worth every thing.. for each word came through grudgingly.. no one wants to relinquish their enemy.. so to say.. I never returned the favor though....

Wondering why I am telling this now? For on 28th august was her birthday.. and I kinda remembered her :-)

Wondering what I regret ? Of actually telling her that she is not as bad I thought she was.. or may be just being friends with her.. for you see I didnt have any other enemy in whole of my life.. erm she wasn't that for long anyways :-)
meena iyer

I wonder what is hard to accept.. hatred or indifference ??
meena iyer

One fine day I login to blogger and guess what! I have like more than 30 comments on my poems.. Guess who commented on it ??

Vinay!

For no reason at all.. just coz he liked my poems.. now isn't that sweet :-)

I took a long time to return that favor and was even very tardy in commenting on his latest poems * ashamed* and well.. yesterday night was the best time to go through his post... And guess what! in the morn when I login.. another 30+ comments from him!

Thank you dear for this pleasant surprise! And now officially you have become my star visitor in the "Song of my life" blog with 87 comments!!

Kudos to you! and a special thanks from me for being so kind :-)

and a small gift from me....

meena iyer

For long I have been thinking of writing a post on this.. somehow I never got down to it.. but a sweet gesture by someone made me realize how much I need to write on it.. I want to thank all my readers for taking time and reading through!

It seems so unreal that it was only few weeks ago when I felt as if I am pushing my friends to rea`d my blog and not like they really wanted to read.. This naked need in me to be appreciated well shook me a bit.. Ah well shook me a lot!

Thats when I blogged about it... Nancy do you remember? For I think that was the first post of mine that you read on this blog.. You came as an angel.. Since then you have posted on all my blog post Thank you so much!

And then Vinay and RiverSoul.. for so long I didn't visit your blogs.. for I was a bit busy and yet you guys always commented on my every post! Made me feel real good! Thank you guys!

And then all those whom I force upon to comment.. you do comment without fail! Thank you so much :)

Ah and Anoop! Got to say.. you are my first blogger friend with whom I bacame so close... Thank you dear :) for friendship and readership

And not the least.. all the random visitors who come occasionallya nd stop by.. and for the people who read but don't comment... thank you for being there! I know you visit coz I can see the stats.. makes me feel good :)

Once again thank you guys!!
meena iyer

In hindi there is a proverb which says... 'Uppar wala jab deta hai chappar faad ke deta hai' When god gives he gives with well how to say... the things would break ur ceiling .. means gives a lot at a time...

But god gave me troubles today like that! Figure this...

Yesterday night.. I was all set to go to office and not be late.. but well may be due to rain or due to high volume of TV... I dunno I missed the call.. erm and since then things are all wrong.. the ppl in the cab were kinda miffed.. Since then things have been in the downfall.. if u can call it that.. figure this... not following the usual routine.. we sleep without cooking .. which means dad's hungry until we wake up which is at 3:00 clk..

Sleepily we go to kitchen.. more well guiltily.. feeling shoddy.. only to realize the rice and some other stuff is over.. go out get the stuff.. by the time I cook its 5:00 time for my sis to go to office... Poor girl went hungry...

Then in an hurry I opened the cooker.. guess what.. i opened too soon and everything came out hot water rice everything and yeah I was scalded! Bah!!! PBBHHTTT!!

I went to dad hoping for sympathy.. ah not my day I guess.. he let out some sarcastic comment.. Not his mistake i guess.. he was just too angry on me...

Oh yeah.. I burnt the dal already and now it also had water+rice on it... and the kitchen was a mess..

So I lost it and started to cry.. *surprise surprise*

Obviously no one was there to hug me and say.. honey its okay.. so well after a long time.. I got up.. cleared the mess and started to cook again.. this time thought lemon rice is the key... oh well the power went.. so cooked in the dark... figuratively.. * no dont have generator.. n the chargable light was not charged.. so used candles* yeah yeah.. that too didnt taste good.. atleast was edible... If only that was the last of..... I also happen to spill the pulses on rice... not even on the floor.. on rice yay! big mess!!

The power came by 9:00 I get cab by 9:30 .. So I was on the run to get ready... make daddy eat.. make sure everything needed to be closed is closed.. turned off the whole deal.. and then had 15:00 min spare to get ready... One would think I would have had enough.. ah no.. thats not where it stops...

I find that the salwar suit that I planned to wear is still dirty from the wash from the washing machine... so cannot wear it.. the ever dependable black pants had loads of sweety's hair.. and the top needs ironing and I have less than 5 min.. And I can't be late again... So I wash the stains off.. but things can't get easy can they ? The freaking electricity connectivity is such that the switch might work some days and some time it might not!

Somehow I manage to find a outfit that needs no ironing and is clean! Thank god for small mercies!

Then I get the call and I rush.. after keeping food for sweety .. making sure that dad needs nothing more.. and when I reach the point.. The cabs late.. they called me early coz I am always late.. they figured this way I will be on time.. when I chose to be on time yippie!

Finally... we reach office and it rains the moment we reach.. so go partially drenched inside.. One would know how irritating it feels some days...

No it doesn't stop here... I reach office.. someone else is logged in.. obviously fiddled with it.. The computer is super slow.. soon enough get to know why.. the Disk had no space... So much so that I cannot open the drive and move it...

See.. C: drive is out of space.. I cannot delete stuff for I know not if its important or not... So well I cut the stuff.. to paste it in D: drive.. when I open D: drive the comp freezes.. If i forcefully close D: drive... erm the explorer.exe crashes.. so finally I deleted some of my stuff then made some space.. moved the stuff out... and finally could open my tools!

Phew! Indeed.. it doesn't rain.. It pours... Interestingly even the god agrees.. so he flooded the road by my office..

Yeah! Pathetic day came to an end... or did it?

Even today I burnt the rice and the dal in the cooker as I slept off with the cooker on the stove!
All Hail me!! *smirks*
meena iyer

Yay! Am tagged again! by Anoop :)

I am to write six of my favorite quotes... Its hard to choose as it is.. for well I am not a person with strong favorites .. hence I have modified the tag somehow to write six of my favorite Kafka's quotes

Nah I am not intellectually rarefied person.. I can't claim that I enjoy Kafka's book.. I don't for you have to understand to enjoy and I find him too abstract too well profound may be... I have till date only liked 2 of his short stories and yet.. I always find his quotes very very amusing! I love them!

So here it goes...

Human nature, ever changing and as unstable as the dust, can endure no restraint. If it binds itself it soon begins to tear madly at its bonds, rending everything asunder, the wall, its bonds, its very self.



So if you find nothing in the corridors open the doors, if you find nothing behind these doors there are more floors, and if you find nothing up there, don’t worry, just leap up another flight of stairs. As long as you don’t stop climbing, the stairs won’t end, under your climbing feet they will go on growing upwards.



To die would mean nothing else than to surrender a nothing to the nothing, but that would be impossible to conceive, for how could a person, even only as a nothing, consciously surrender himself to the nothing, and not merely to an empty nothing but rather to a roaring nothing whose nothingness consists only in its incomprehensibility.



You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.



One is alone, a total stranger and only an object of curiosity. And so long as you say “one” instead of “I,” there’s nothing in it and one can easily tell the story; but as soon as you admit to yourself that it is you yourself, you feel as though transfixed and are horrified.



Many a book is like a key to unknown chambers within the castle of one’s own self.




As usual being the greedy self I am.. I have to add others!



A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul.

In me, by myself, without human relationship, there are no visible lies. The limited circle is pure.

Through a heaven of vice a hell of virtue is reached.

A belief is like a guillotine – as heavy, as light

Ah Thank you Anoop for tagging!

And I tag.. anyone and everyone who want to take it on :)
meena iyer

It was the darkest of the dark night. A night, when only the most daring of men decide to venture out. Or may be the most desperate, who has no fear of death or one who seeks death as actively as one seeks happiness. A night of absolute silence, when even the leaves decide not to swish. Seemingly like a pause, just before the storm. Hunters refuse to hunt for their prey, and even the evil spirits don't wander alone. A night, when moon hides behind the cloud, refuses to shine. A night of urgency. A night of terror. A powerful night. A night of dark thoughts....

On the darkest of darkest night
Scared moon refuses to shine
Every animal every bird bide their time

Waiting.. waiting for light


And I walk alone...

Conall was making sure that all he needed was already packed. He had been waiting for this day for sometime now. Waiting and preparing with absolute concentration, like everything else he does. Anwell and Alma, his wolf hounds, watched him with trepidation, their stance taut; their eyes pleading him to abandon his quest, to stay put. Conall didn't notice . The clock struck 11:00 p.m. It was time. About time.....

He was willing to whatever it takes to get her back. Her.. Armelle... that snooty eyebrows, that sweet smile... that angelic face and that cold heart... the anger.... the humiliation... he will show them what he is.. he cannot hurt her directly... she is as powerful as he is... but he could hurt him.... hurt him bad.. and yeah then she will know! she will realize.... He started to walk faster. The dogs followed their master, even if their every instincts told them not to. They kept whining though as if trying to plead to return. to go back. There was no going back now... he plodded on and the hounds trailed behind.

Heaven tried to stop him.... gales of wind holding him back, rain lashed at him.. wanting him to stop.. so did the falling trees, the slashing lightening and the roaring thunder....But he won't. He was deaf to every reason... he kept on going..Whatever it takes... he will see it through.

Winding through the treacherous bends, through the dark corners beneath the shrouds, he had finally reach his destination. An old abandoned grave yard where only the most proficient and powerful magicians dared to come. The old world magic that abounded in there was neither good nor bad. It was like nature both good and bad. If one didn't know how to control.. it might back fire. His mentor had come there only once and that too as an audience. Every time he heard Kegan, the wise old man, talk about this graveyard there was this look of fear that attracted Conall. He knew it was his destiny to come here one day. He always knew that... But he didn't know it would be so soon though.



On the treacherous bends
Amidst the crowd,
Beneath the shroud

Places where angels or demons
tremble to descend,

Till the world's end


For one moment the enormity of his actions made him stop. He wondered how Kegan would react. How would Armelle would react. Would she ever forgive him? He didn't want any! He resolved. Stupid woman. Let her suffer!

He then started the ritual that would mark him forever. Slowly.. meticulously.. like the star student he was. He first invoked the sun then the moon... He appealed to the fire in the sun and the soothe in the moon.. he appealed to the wind.. the cloud to every element.. Earth water air and ether.. And then he cast his spell......

More powerful that the storm that was raging.. more powerful than the fire that quickly spread... The night was lost in blazes of red white and yellow...

******

Tears of sun,
Scorched, cheeks of earth;

Man.. helpless...


Helpless he is. All these years roaming through the forest hiding away from everyone.. He had suffered thousand time over. He had wanted Art to suffer.. to writhe in pain.. he had never wanted him to die. His youthful foolishness..... the foolhardiness... He thought he was powerful enough...but what did he know that shadows of past would haunt him..... every moment. His only solace was somewhere in this world.. unaware.... but he couldn't search for her... Wait.. interminable wait... that was his fate...

Are you as frantic as me or as alone?
Cold, cold i am ; cold as stone
Wandering through timelessness
Seeking you

Can you hear my clarion call?
My wounded heart's squall !

I beseech you...




Only silence greeted him.. A silence within that reached without.. numbness seeped in.. he was slowly going insane.. Its been a long time since that day.. A very long time .. but time made no sense now.. just a wait.. from morning to night and night to morning....

" I am man after all! What was I supposed to do ?" He asked Kegan, his mentor, sure in the knowledge that he would be forgiven.

" But you are a wizard too. You have responsibilities"

"Responsibilities! Responsibilities! I am tired of them! I didn't choose to be a wizard!"

" Fine then! Be a man! I take all your powers from you!" Kegan roared. His proud student needed a harsh lesson.

Stunned for a moment both kept silent for a long time.

Contrite for the first time, Conall asked " Master? Such a huge punishment? I knew you will save him.. I just wanted him to suffer as I was suffering! You know me! Its not like I killed him!"

"But you have my child..." Kegan whispered into the darkened night. " The force that you thought you can control killed him"

Conall then knew he had no redemption now. He was destined to haunt forever at the gate of forgiveness... and never get it. Even if his master forgave him... Armelle never would.. The only person he ever loved... They had grown together.. loving each other.. until Art came into their life... They had always known they are not soul mates.. so they knew they can never be together for long.. both had accepted it.. and yet when Art came... Armelle had left him like a hot potato.. He couldn't understand why! It wasn't like Art was her soulmate.. He wasn't and yet she was ready to marry out of their race.. marry a commoner... forgoing him for that Man.. The jealousy that burned in his heart had now consumed him and Armelle.

"Oh how do I ask forgivance Master, When I cannot forgive myself ever!" Conall wailed.

Master could see that Conall had finally understood the gravity of his action. But words have strong power.. once said they can never be taken back. In his anger he had done a great mistake too. He knew what his punishment would be.. but with that action he can save Conall.. give him respite.....

Kegan said as if in a trance...

"Hear ye oh child so unblesst;
On the union of dawn and night
A damsel will relieve you of your plight
A mate for you will come one day
And yet she would be taken away

Banished unto forest you are

Until the time is for the final rest"



Saying this he was consumed by the fire... His master was no more...

Tears of sun indeed. But he had no consolation of tears... tears of blood scorched his heart.. yet none spilt through his eyes.. So he waited.. like a lone wolf...

*********

Armelle had choice to save him and yet she didn't choose to. How can she subject him to a love of utter dependence? He who was so proud.. so alive.. how can she make him a living dead ?

Kegan had once said that ' Magic can cure.. indeed and yet it cannot change fate' She could never understand what it means. But now she did. And she knew she had taken the best decision even if it banished her to a life of loneliness. She had accepted her fate and created a life for herself.. She wondered sometimes.. what she would do if Conall ever come back in her life... She waited for anger.. for resentment.. it never came.. what came was pity.. he suffered more than he deserved. No one to console him.. and then to see master die in front of his very eye.. to save him from being damned.. a huge baggage of guilt it was.. knowing him.. she was sure he would be drowning under him... And yet other times she felt a weird kind of pleasure from it... Her dark side.. ofcourse... Those days she spent a lot of time in doing her rituals and spells. She needed positive gris-gris then. She was extra careful about what she said or did for she knew now.. how difficult it was to undo the wrongs.

***********

Cordelia was unsatisfied with her life. Somehow whatever she started she never could finish. It was like she was waiting.. for something better something meaningful. As if she was destined to something better. Braydon could understand what was going on with her but he couldn't help... He himself lived on stars literally... he was an astronomer.. and she a dreamer... he scientific and she well loved to believe in occult.. and yet.. they seem to get along well enough... to be able to think of marriage seriously.. but not yet.. they both were not ready..

She worked in an shady hotel as a bar tender...it was supposed to be the haunt of "Witches" not that she really noticed anyone to be that.. But in a country where witches were burnt alive.. it was not surprising... and yet she lived in hopes of finding someone to teach her magic... Magic... that always held her attention...

And one day she learned of a Magus who lives in the forest. He had a reputation of being insane. The villagers hated him though they didn't know why.. He never left the forest... Nobody knew where he came from or when.. they only knew he haunted the Graveyards of Yore.. Many believed he had tried some magic which he couldn't handle and now he himself was in the spell.. and driven mad by evil spirits. A cold tingle went down by her spine.. and with that a primitive recognition.. for which she had no name.. Cordelia decided to meet him... That Magus has to teach me magic.. I am tired of waiting.. she thought...


That weekend she left in search of the magi. Everyone that she met warned her not to. But still she did. It was late afternoon when she met him for the first time. He kept looking at her as if he was seeing an apparition. Disconcerted she didn't know how to start. " I want to learn magic from you" She blurted. This was not how she planned. She had heard that he doesn't take students easily. She had planned to take it one step at a time.. and now she is ruined it...

" What else would you come here for?" he said. And then he started walking.. He expected her to follow. They were going deep into the forest. She was scared... but she persevered. And then they reached an ancient temple... She expected him to stop and explain her some dark ritual of initiation. He didn't stop...

He could sense her curiosity her.. fear.. and yet.. he could sense that deep connection that only soulmates know.. And he had irrevocably fallen for her. Not with passion that can fade over the years, but with deep conviction.. like one loves oneself.. for indeed thats what she was.. a part of him.. that was long missing... and yet.. she was his redemption.... It was not in his power to let her know that.. she has to find it for herself and it was in her hands.. that his relief lay. All he could do was wait.. and guide as she finds her path through the path of magic.. she had a long way to go.... He cannot make it easy for her.. for he cannot fiddle with fate.. He knew that.. but he can tempt it.. Thats what he planned to do...

He didn't speak a word. He knew he has to create an aura... Since he cannot do it by words.. he has to use silence.. As they walked through the forest she was utterly enchanted by the silence.. she heard the delicate swish of the leaf .. the move of the twig.. and she was intensely aware of the man.. with smokey gray eyes... sand peppery hair.. and yeah a flowing apparel that can only be said as ancient.. and yet the man was not the one whom you can disregard.. he was intensly alive yeah.. very male!

They were back to the same place from where they had started.. It was almost night.. the sun was setting and the moon was in the rise.. He said.. " You have to be tested to be my student."

Apprehensively, she asked" What am I to do?"

"Nothing serious. Sit here in silence until I come back"

Relieved she said yes. Soon it was dark. A night in the forest was the last thing on her mind... Initially it was fun.. the birds twittered the squirrel ran about.. and then as the night deepened she heard strange noise.. weird ones... scary ones.. soon she prayed that the magi return... But he didn't..

She realized that he had played a cruel joke on her. She didnt know what to do... she didnt know the way back.. Also, she was not confident enough to venture into the dark.. here atleast the moon shone steadily..

Darkness has a special way of inducing self introspection isn't it ? It makes you search within for the hidden unacknowledged fears.. magnifies is thousand folds. until even a tiny sound.. real or imagined seems like a threat... And one such night.. faith is the ship on which you sail... It was the first lesson she had to learn.. and learn she did the hard way.. by the time it was morning she had slept off.. Never had she felt so refreshed and yes now she knew that this was the lesson he was to teach her.. She thanked him in her mind and left...

For long she didn't know what to do.. and one day she received a letter... It was from him.. it contained an address.. It was Armelle's

***********

Armelle was shocked to see a 20 year old girl at her footstep with a slip of paper holding his handwriting.. Conall's . No one came to her anymore. She was in her late 50's, lived a quiet life. What did he want now.. she wondered.. and who is this girl that he sent.. how did they meet? Whats the connection? Thousand questions were on her mind.. and yet not one showed on her face. Not even surprise. Long practice in controlling her emotions achieved that. She would know eventually what it is about...

Over a long chat with ample tea... and scones which Cordelia devoured.. she had never tasted any better...she revealed her quest.. Armelle realized that Conall wanted her to teach this girl.. A part of her still wanted to deny his salvation.. but only for a moment. She agreed to teach her....

***********

Few years passed by.. Cordelia was lost in learning all to her heart's content. For the first time she knew.. it was just right.. she was meant to be ... And then finally was her night of initiation.. the Witches Sabbath . There was a huge party. For the first time Conall was about to leave the forest and for the first time, he would meet Armelle.

He realized that he was nervous . Very scared. If it wasn't for Cordelia's initiation he wouldn't have ever come. And besides it was his salvation night. He dressed with care that night. Soon it was time to go.

Armelle knew how to organize a party.. By the time he reached there, the party was in full swing.. and Cordelia very nervous. He soon reached her to allay her fears when he met Armelle. It took all his courage to meet Armelle's eyes. But he did.. and all he saw was compassion and forgivance. He knew he would never have asked for it and yet it was given as a gift.. He was so overwhemled that he hugged her. And in that hug, all his guilt was washed away...

And then the ritual begun... The new witches wen through all the steps under guidance of Armelle. She had grown into a powerful witch. And she was still beautiful. Strange isn't it! Beauty that is nurtured with happiness fades soon and yet the one matured in pain shines like the pure gold after treatment of fire...

It was the moment he dreaded and yet he knew it was inevitable. Cordelia had to realize now that he was her soulmate and give him his powers back... He could see that Cordelia was avoiding him now.. He wondered what thoughts were churning in her mind.. He knew that in the passage of nothingness she would have met his Master. He wondered what he would have told her. If she would know the whole story.. if she would forgive him...

Cordelia knew about the strong attraction she felt for 2 men in her life.. Braydon and her magi. She felt deeply for both of them. And Kegan, the wise old man from the passage of nothingess had said that her answer holds the key to Conall's salvation. She had asked what salvation but he refused to reply... his only advice was.. listen to your heart....

After a prolonged thought she decided she needed more information. She asked Armelle. But mysteriously Armelle said.. ' A the power play of fate. What can I say to help you my dear ?' ' the history is in you.. this story is yours.. all you have to do is search within you. I cannot help you with this'

Saying that she got busy with her hostess duty. All of them were leaving. The party was over. The new witches had 1 week to complete their task. But somehow Cordelia felt as if she had to finish it tonight. Her instincts told her. And she was taught to listen to her instincts.

Having no help from Armelle.. she approached Conall.
" For my passage rite, I have a decision to make. As you are well aware I guess.. its about you.." "I know it would be hard for you to help me.. but I want you to help me out as a friend"

"This is the hardest thing you have asked of me."

" I know"

" No you dont! for you don't understand. Giving you the right advice mean to push myself in an abyss and yet.. I cannot damn you to the same fate."

"I know not what you mean by that. I know not if this is right.. But for the magi who taught to to have faith.. and for the man I am in love.. I chose to give you salvation.. for you have given me that.. on that dark night in the forest"

Something within her willed her to say that.. She was not consciously aware of saying it but when she did.. she knew it was the right thing.. and yet Conall was stunned. It was not happiness there neither sadness.. Somehow a mixture of both. She knew then.. it was her instinct that said it. She has to learn to trust it.

"Congratulations!" Armelle said as she hugged her. " You have taken the right decision."

" And yet that would mean you have to go away from me" Conall said, half dejectedly.. for he knew the prophesy was true.. his soulmate was not to be his. for she had taken the right decision without realizing he was her soulmate..

"What do you mean ?" cordelia asked totally lost.

"Ah nothing dear. He is in shock. He is your master. I taught you magic yes.. but he is your master.Only he couldnt coz he didnt have the magic"

"But.. I want the whole story"

" You will dear . But today.. go with your young man and rejoice"

"but..." said Conall.

"I see insubordination is still high on your list" Armelle said sternly.

Cordelia was shocked to see Conall take it silently. He had learnt his lesson.

They then talked about routine stuff. Soon enough Braydon asked her to return. They were the last to leave.

Conall and Armelle watched them leave hand in hand....

"I guess old age won't be so lonely anymore" Armelle said smiling onto him.

Conall smiled back" not anymore"



P.S: This story is inspired by Brida by Paulo Cohelo. However I have used my writer's license to modify it at will.
meena iyer

I shouldn't be here. On the terrace, while there are guest to be taken care of. They are celebrating my victory.. Strange isn't it? I guess Victoria can take care of it. Victoria. Sophisticated. Suave. She would know what to say I guess. She always does. Few tears shed. neatly. won't even spoil the makeup and she would look even more appealing. She always does.

So here I am in the darkened corner. With a surgical blade, a bottle of champagne, a pistol and some poison. A nice way to celebrate my success don't you think ? What do they call it .. Ah swan song! Leaving with a bang! Can imagine tomorrow's newspaper's headlines. A nice flowery obituary...with many ornate words. A person of superior intelligence.. kind hearted... yada yada... etc etc' How many of those people in there really know me.. really are happy for me ?

I decide its about time. I take the blade in my hand. Very sharp it is. The pharmacist warned me. He wondered what it is for but didn't dare ask me. How could he ? After I am.. well me! I hold it in my left hand... and i put forth my right wrist... I could feel the blood flowing.. the rhythmic thumping.. thud thud thud thud..
Reminded me of the first time I cooked. Wanted to surprise Mom. Cut my hand... Never knew before I am allergic to sight of blood. I fainted. Mom got a nice surprise indeed. There I was.. in pool of blood. She thought I died. Gave her some fright. Ah can't bleed to death.. too much pain! Why should I die that way ? I dropped the blade. I had the pistol . A shot through the brain and I will be dead like in a minute.

So I held the pistol in my right hand.. pointing towards my temple. I planned to blow my brains out. Luckily the DJ was very noisy. No one will hear it. I was trying to remember what my instructor had said.. Concentrate. Let everything else fade from the back ground.. focus on your target..I never could do it... I would follow all his instructions... and when I think I can do it finally..in the last moment.. I lost it... some wonderful incident.. some sweet thought.. always interrupted and I would lose focus... Poor instructor.. he had to give up on me.... Why did these thoughts always come ?.. Shouldn't matter now... from such a short distance even I cannot miss!
"Bonnie!". Damn the woman! The pistol fell down.
"Yes Vicky?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I need time . Leave me alone"
"Still thinking of...."
"Shut up! Just go! Why can't I do something I like in my home? Do I have to report to you now?" I raged.
"Ok okay! Don't scream. There are guests here. Fine! I will manage until I can.. But do come down for sometime atleast. This is your party"

I didn't reply. She left. My party indeed. I didn't choose the food nor the music nor the guests. Ah yes.. still its my party. Well my party has to happen without me then. The pistol! Goddammit! It fell down into the traffic probably.. crushed.. I still have the poison don't i ? But it.. well would be so bitter. Have to drink with the champagne. I pour the last drink.. ah reminds me of "the last supper"! .. The last drink! Would anyone bother paint this ?? I made the toast. To the future afterlife.. A quirky smile adorned my face. My very last one I guess . He always liked it. Yes... All my weird toasts and my smile. He would understand.. Not like victoria.. who acts like she knows why.. she wouldn't.. he would.... yes.. he won't be shocked seeing my dead body.. but how can I die with a drink? All his memories of mine will be tinged with sadness.. everytime he drinks.. it will remind him of my death... There was never a day when didn't have a peg together. Nah! I cannot die with a champagne.. no poison won't do.

I then decide to jump from my terrace. It was on the 25th floor. High enough to be able to jump and die. I look down. Its just too high! I am afraid. The traffic is so killing! They won't even get my whole body to bury or burn. And so much mess it would create. But I can't stop now.. I just have to do it! The other option was to go down.. smile over brightly.. falsified wishes and inane talks! I cannot fail. I will try again.. But.... Ah so high... so scary... I give it up. I am a coward.

"Bonnie!" Damn that woman! Vicky again! "What are you doing! What if you fall! get down from there"

She exasperates me.

"He is here" She didn't need to take the name. I turned around and ........

*#*#*#*


They buried me the next day. And I was right... they didnt get anything to burn so they buried me rather.. whatever remained of me.. My last thought was ' He would understand'

He really did understand. Soon enough he joined me. Suicide they said. Love he said. Mistake I said...

Death.... different names.. one end.....
meena iyer

I know a very intriguing title for this post... Ah! I am gonna recount an old old story... My first tryst with Vanity :) It was an brief but lasting affair ... So without much ado let me begin...


The story is of the days when I was in school of around 10-12 years old.. Ah in 7th grade.. you figure the age. I had this friend of mine with the name Vinita Krishnan( I am good with names etc etc.. I wudnt have forgotten her anyways).

So we were the only 2 people who were South Indians with beautiful eyebrows * no I am not boasting I still have beautiful eyebrows*. Since that was just onset of teenage may be, we both were having a duel about whose what is more beautiful... So Vinitha tells me that her eyebrows are so curved and nice coz her momma put Kajal using "Banana" Stem. I told her mine is nice too.. She was like yeah it is.. but u see pointing to one of my eyebrows, there is a crooked curve there... not smooth curve like mine. And me being jealous that her's is better than mine.. kept pestering my mom.. Ofcourse being a wise person that she is.. she didnt even bother to listen to me...

Seeing my weak point this girl kept teasing me. And in one of the intimate one on one she suggested that I remove my eyebrows and then apply kajal with a banana stem... And gullible me.. on an opportune sunday when guests were home ( We are relatively free then) .. ah shaved off part of "offending eyebrows". Ofcourse I then realized how ugly I looked... Not to mention how scared I was to face everyone.. mom . teachers and others ofcourse.. mom wudnt listen if i asked for holiday.. not after what I have done.. She made sure that I went to school everyday. She even refused to write a note to my Class teacher.. I was on my own..

Ah.. ingenious sister of mine asked me to use kajal with talcum powder.. we even stuck fake brows.. using well fevicol * I know I know* laugh all you want... It was a crazy month I spent.. When the class teacher asked I said some sob story about using a hair removal cream wrongly... Ahem ahem

I know crazy me.. but then I never ever talked to that vinitha character again :D :D

And then if that was not enough... The same year.. I nearly broke my momma's heart...

When we were kids.. mom had cut our hair very small.. Ah boy cut... then for an year we went to stay with my Aunt and studied our 2nd grade there.. In that one year.. constant care of our aunt made our hair grow .. beautifully.. thick black and long.. :) You know.. I used to love it when my aunt would comb my hear and decorate it with flowers.. something like 'paranda' but with flowers *sigh*
When we came back home.. ofcourse the care was continued and by the time I was in 7-8th grade it was more than shoulder length.. however.. sadly for mom.. a fashion of short hair was revived.. needless to say erm.. I demanded short hair.. which my mom obviously refused...
The stubborn me never listened... I cut my hair myself.. Like some mousey using sewing scissors ofcourse.. When I went to our stylist.. even she had tears in her eyes.... How can someone cut such beautiful hair * Confession: I miss it so much now! There was a time when no "rubber" was enough for my har... no clip would stay for long.. my hair was just too thick *** **boo hoo hoo***

My hair is pretty okayish now not too thick not too thin.. but my 1/4 th hair remains now :| :|

Well I know :( :(
When vanity beckons sanity fleds

Ah.. I dont wanna stop on sad end.. so let me tell you about something really nice... Mom had strictly told me.. that she wont pay for trimming my hair ever again. I have to grow hair.. whatever lil snipping I need she will do it home.. said I deserve that.. however, I used to ask my sister to cut for me! Believe me she is real gold with scissors :D :D

Once upon 9th Grade.. while doing a blunt cut.. my sisters hands slipped.. needless to say the shape was lost.. however she did an amazing job of disaster management.. I was a mini- celebrity in school for that.. coz she had made my hair look like "Kajol" in KKHH !
Random people on the road used to ask me who my stylist was :P :P :P

And I proudly told about my sister. So many of my friends were envious of me having such a nice elder sister :D :D

Oh yeah! Childhood was fun!! :D :D
meena iyer

"Amazing car! Cool Interiors." the guy exclaimed.
"Newest model sir." The sales man replied dreaming of a sale.
"Can I test drive?"
"Sure why not?"
The lady was checking out other cars.
After 15 min, "Where is your husband?" salesman asked the lady, agitatedly.
"What nonsense! I dont even know that guy!" the lady replied outraged and left.

P.S: This story is dedicated to prats! her 55 word story made me try this.. Ah yeah! this story is only 55 word long.. temme if its good enough :-)
meena iyer

"But I thought you are lying!", he said.

"Even after I told you I never lie and hate liars?", she retorted.

"Who believes that anymore?"

She was stunned. Didn't know what to say anymore......

***
Some times in life we think we are so worldly wise so infinitely in control of our life and more importantly, our emotions. We think nothing will ever faze us ever. And yet smart-ass of a life.. has a quirky sense of humor. It has amazing way of impugning you of all your delusions.... A lesson you never forget...

' Innocence lost' is such an quaint term.. immediately, it paints a picture of a Victorian lady.. losing virginity to the devil of a man.. with no morals.. But dont you think.. the very fact that in this world of man vultures a lady remained a virgin shows how worldly wise she is ? Don't you think its a pointer to her intelligence ? Or might be.. she is just too undesirable?

You might not agree.. but she thought so. She.. the heroine of this story... Little over 22.. of wheatish complexion and shoulder length.. she has been told countless times.. she has a beautiful eyes and kissable lips.. if you talk to her long enough she would let you know.. not without a blush that reaches right to her toes. And yet she found it hard to believe.. The reflection on her daily mirror seems to reflect something else.. She thought she was exceedingly normal.. not ugly.. just nondescript. She worked in a call center.. A shift to new place and night shift.. left her with no time for socializing.. besides she was not that good a people's person.. inherent shyness belied with arrogant demeanor.. an amazing cover indeed.. yet made it hard for others to reach out.. if they did.. they do realize what a pussy she is.. In this new city with strange language.. she was lonely... until he happened.. hero or villain?? we will come to know by and by...

They both worked for same process but with different companies... He was an escalation specialist and she a newbie.. or rather a level 1 support. He had come across her email Id in an escalation case that he worked on.. one that she had escalated. He was surprised by the amazing case detailing done before escalation.. esp by someone so inexperienced.. or so he said. She was delighted ofcourse..

It was but natural that she asked help from him.. in general looked upto him... Soon enough they started chatting about things that didnt relate to work.. and few weeks later they moved to telephonic conversation.. chats seemed too slow too impersonal.. They discussed everything under the sun...no reservations whatsoever. She was happy to have met a friend albeit online.. however she could talk to him about her cases.. he advised her corrected her... and she discussed about personal life.. she felt blessed.. He never seemed to be bored.. he said he loved her voice... If that felt a tad flirtatious a tad pretentious she didnt notice...

On her birthday he sent her a box full of chocolates a wristwatch and a sweet greeting card.. They ddin't live in same city so he had sent it through post... She was shocked.. after all they hardly knew each other for an month.. It is true she was very close to him and trusted him.. but this was too personal for her... But how could she not accept ? The note in the greeting was soo sweet and he apologized.. so sadly.. The wristwatch was just soo beautiful.. every one in office admired it.. and Ah chocolates.. her only weakness! She thanked him sweetly and he promised never to repeat his stupidity... Ah such a charming guy! So romantic!

They wanted to meet each other.. but ofcourse it was not easy.. being in different cities but how he longed to.. he would say always. She was not sure if she would like that.. That didnt stop her from chatting to him on phone for 4 hours everyday.. he called her twice a day and she would alteast once... She would tell him ' You might not like me when you meet me'

'What nonsense!' he would retort.. every time.. delighting her heart.. how much.. he didn't know....

She had been forthright with him from the start.. " I hope you are not in for some girl friend and all.. I am not that material.. I am fat.. very fat.." She had said very seriously.

' It doesn't matter.' he had said gently. ' I am in for only friendship'. She had believed him. How can she not? He was so sincere!

***

'Send me you pic' He had asked umpteenth time.

'Why should it matter to you ?' She asked playfully. She didnt want to send picture to relative stranger.. how much ever she knew him..

'You dont trust me? Its been six months' He had been hurt. She didn't know how to tell him about her insecurities.. about well her dreams..

' Please understand...' We won't talk much about her feelings.. It should suffice that she had started thinking about ....'them'

'No! You please understand.. I know I had agreed to just friends! But my feelinsg for you has long past that stage.. ' He didn't say he loved her outright.. and yet left her with an impression that it was indeed so.

She had given in.. She sent her picture. The aftermath was this conversation.

' I had told you! So many times! That I am very fat!'

"But I thought you are lying!", he said.

"Even after I told you I never lie and hate liars?", she retorted.

"Who believes that anymore?"

Needless to say he never called again!
meena iyer


I know am posting after ages.. just was not in the right mood.. wanted to post a story.. which is still under draft.. .

I have been wanting to review a lot of books which somehow I never manage to do... *sigh* Right now am reading a book called as " The unknown errors of our lives" by Chitra Banerjee

Somehow it made me realize that how hypocritic we are.. When someone is facing some sadness or if we are having some problems.. how affected we become.. Like if there was an earth quake somewhere.. we would be oww.. chooo chaad.. and things like that.. However.. if something good happens to someone else.. We might say a perfunctory congrats.. or "wow".. and if its not from our country.. might be.. we would say.. ah nothing like that can ever happen in india.. so much corruption.. blah blah blah..

Why is it that happiness is what we seek but sadness is what we hold on to ?

I mean.. one can forget "something" good that happened to them.. or someone who was good to them.. but an insult.. some bad luck will always be remembered and shared with others .. why is it so???