meena iyer

I have woken up today by the wrong side of my bed surely! If i knew this is how my morning would be I would have never ever slept yesterday if that could have saved me from this news...

On the top of that I feel guilty for being sad *sigh* Coz both are really good news.. infact swelling news.. but my selfish envious heart cannot stop being sad n depressed.. *phew*

The thing is like i said in the last post... I am in a rut.. boring job that has no work :| :| everyday is same as next and its making me go completely out of mind...

The only saving grace is the friends I made in the workplace.. They are all such nice ppl.. sometimes they remind me of my college days and I go ummmm in my heart.. it really aches for my coll friends then...

In this past 1 .5 years I have managed to make 2 friends in office that I can really count as friends.. * read someone whom I call when I have to vent out frustrations* I hope they think same for me....

So now that I had made real friends I finally felt home.. felt cozied up ..you know the works.. Finally Bangalore felt home after near 3 years..... And now things are going to change .. and that too super fast!

I mean just 2 weeks and 2 of my closest *best even* friends are leaving the company.. and I feel bereft...

They have got amazing jobs.. They should move! However, am left behind... and... well as time would pass by they wont have time for me too.. they will have more and new friends... we wouldnt b able to relate our lives any longer.. so would say less and finally say nothing....

As always.. I will feel lonely again...

To top that.... I feel like an audience... clapping for someone elses glory.. but why not me?

My other college friends seem to be doing amazing too.. every one is going somewhere.. while I am stagnant :(

Damn I am really super depressed... my sis doesnt u\s... she cannot grasp it .. I know she tries to... And I hate the fact that she has to try and then fail.. to u\s me :| Really It sucks big time!

Boo hoo hoo *really*
meena iyer
This is not the first time that I am bored or have blogged about boredom... It is not that I have no topic for blogging!

Of course i do.. I wanna blog about this amazing play I read... by Henreik Isben .. or about other books I read like the thing called love or Sojourn or waves.. or the last post.. all are amazing books by Indian authors I wud love and love to write a review on them but just not yet...

I want to write abt me n my sister the relation.. one of my friend wanted me to write on it... and then czarlita inspired me big time.. but just not yet.....

Right now all day I have been sitting in front of the computer just being useless n jobless.. just like old times.. is that the reason why I feel such a void inside?

I somehow miss some friends.. I feel deep inside that things are not same.. and yet I chose not to speak.. I dunno why.. i feel things drifting.. or is it just me?

Or may be its just the song that runs through my mind...

But it rained... by parikrama...

la la la la la la......

Blah! I dunno what.. but i do know i feel somehow down!

May be coz every damn person has a busy life but me.. somehow i have too much time to waste.. or may be too much will to waste... I cud have used this time to do the chore.. or may be to do the project or study may be?

I dunno why.. i no longer call anyone... I just dont feel like it!

I am fucking bored of my life.. this rut that starts n ends with boredom!

Works no good.. i dont have to use my brains at all.. i can feel it rust.. rot infact!

Damn i am too bored of being bored
meena iyer
Continued from here

All day Sandy was in a weird mood. Many a times he caught himself day dreaming. This was so not like him.. He wanted to know how it would be if he kissed her.. He wanted to taste her... He still couldn't forget how snugly she fit.. in his arms.. and he wanted to teach her a lesson too. He decided tonight in the party he will kiss her.. He wanted her to want it.. to beg for it.. be vulnerable...

--xx--00--xx--00-xx-

It was nearly 7:00. Meera was wearing a peacock green sari with gold shades and embroidery done in simple pink with.. simple designs but stunning against her ebony skin.. 4 hours of indulgence at Roxanne's showed on her face as it glowed with a rosy sheen.

She knew she looked stunning and she eagerly waited for Sandy...

Sandy was late. The evening traffic of Friday filled with eager crowd and rampant jams was making him pissed than he already was. If he could he wouldn't have even attended this party. But he knew he cannot miss the party he organized. On top of that he would be going with that crazy girl who mesmerized him for some reason and exasperated thoroughly. And she managed to do both just by existing! He knew she is going to give him hell... he was looking forward to it more than the damned party! Hell he would love to be with her alone.. teasing... flirting.. making love...

The insistent honking jerked him back to reality. "Sweet Jesus!" Sandy cursed, as he moved his car through the angry crowd.

By the time he reached Meera's place he was an hour late. Meera was not concerned they would be fashionably late. Their actual meeting was anticlimactic. Nothing like Meera thought would be. He didn't even glance at her proving that he didnt care who is with him.. as if he was doing a favor for her.

"Stupid of me to think he wants to come with me!" Meera thought. All through the drive there was silence. Sandy didnt know what to say. As the party location came near all his dark thoughts started tumbling. He was scared to meet Adi.. Its not been a long time.. but it has created this huge distance that cannot be scaled... The irony of it was that he was the one who organized this welcoming party...

"I wish you kept as quiet in office" Meera said irritatedly

Sandy suddenly realized he has been amiss. " I am sorry. I was pre-occupied"

" Oh really? I didn't notice.Why don't you stay preoccupied always?" she retorted.

Suddenly all his underlying frustration found a vent and he said, " Gladly starting from now."

Meera was surprised. It was not like him to act this way. Surreptitiously she observed him. He seemed to be truly in bad mood.... She wondered what happened. For some reason she wanted to hug him... give comfort. She felt he needed it. She also knew that he needed silence. She did somehow. She knew if she asked what the matter is he won't divulge. So in silence they went to President hotel where the party was hosted.

Sandy knew he was being very rude to Meera. Somehow he felt she will understand. He wished so much just to put his head in her lap and cry... Meera was looking outside the window giving him privacy of his thoughts. He noticed how beautiful she is really looking.. he never had seen her taking so much pain to look beautiful... that was one of the thing he loved about her.. that she was comfortable with her skin. Instead of making him feel better he felt even more frustrated.

As soon as they entered the premises they parted. However, the rumor spread like a wild fire and Meera had a field day confusing people. As hard as she might try, her eyes searched for Sandy all through the night. She saw him going through the moves all automatically. His smile came all fake. Somehow forced. Meera wanted to make him stop smiling. It hurt her for some reason. It was as if his heart was crying tears of blood. She realized that Sandy was upset long before he came to met her. She didn't know what the reason was but she ached to make it right for him.

Rhea was having a blast. After all Ad was here. Ad.. aka Adwait Kulkarni, the guy she secretly loved. Tall dark and handsome straight from mills and boons novel.. girls were crazy about him. His charming smile rakish looks made Rhea melt.. and he didnt have any idea about it. For past one year, Adwait was in USA. He had come back winning accolades from the clients to a plump promotion. He was to be the new Team Lead.

Adwait Kulkarni... Childhood friend of Sandy.... what they fondly call as 'langotia yaar' And yet they were avoiding each other. No one who saw them would think they are... but they were. He was the reason for Sandy's dark mood. After a decent interval, Sandy couldnt take it anymore and decided to leave. He discretely went to meet Meera.

" I am not feeling well so am leaving the party. Would you mind bumming a ride from someone else ? " Sandy said. He sneaked in from behind. Meera was busy gossiping with Rhea. Obviously about Adwait.

" Damn! You scared me again. Can you not approach someone like any decent person ? There is something called as manners you know!", Meera exclaimed.

She was irritated that they were interrupted... as Rhea was telling her about Adwaith and Sandy .. how they are close and all.. Meera was intrigued by Ad. He was just too handsome she couldn't help being curious about him. Sandy didnt say anything and Meera suddenly regretted her tone. So she continued in a softer tone then she would have liked..

" I am sorry. I just freaked out. Whats the matter?"

Rhea was observing them silently. This was a new development and she wanted to see all that she could.

Sandy was feeling stupid and embarrassed. " Would you mind if we go to the lounge and talk ?"

Meera was surprised by it but complied.

" What is it ?" , she asked urgently.
" I have to leave. Don't ask why please."
She would asked but that please stopped her.

" Alright. I am leaving with you. If anyone sees us leaving together. They will think this is just a private tryst."

He was glad she came with him. He hoped she would. He didnt want to stay alone tonight. He was afraid if he was alone he wouldn't stop drinking and that didn't bode well.

They returned to the party and said bye to everyone. Many people teased them. And Sandy was surprised to see how cooly Meera was taking it infact she was enjoying it.

As they passed out of the door they came face to face with Adwaith. Both acted as if they didn't see each other. Suddenly Sandy held her hand and pulled her with him as fast as possible. Meera was completely flummoxed. Something was wrong....
meena iyer

I am currently hooked to this book. I dunno why I don't want to complete this book :|

I am a-day-a-book kind of a person and its been more than a week and I am still not finished..

I have read so many books but none caught my imagination like this book... I know I can read this book for more than 25 times and still love it all the same..

So what is so special of this book?

There is not really much surprises in the storyline
I mean nothing exceptional...

It is about a convict from Australia who runs away from prison, leaves prison and lands in Mumbai. He falls in love with the city and a lady ...Karla... It is his story .. how he lives.. his money .. is stolen..fake visa expired.. he doesn't know what to do... ends up living in a slum where his first aid course makes him into a slum doctor.. trysts with underworld.. the works..

May b its the honesty with which this book is written? that makes it almost believable?

Or is it the love of the city that binds me with the author.. Mumbai is a city that gets into ur veins and stays there stubbornly.. once a mumbaikar.. always one....

Its havan for misfits.. those who dont fit anywhere fit there perfectly :)

I love the sensitivity in this guy... he has painted the heart of the city.. the spirit the never say die attitude...

each and every word is labvor of love.. may b thats y I love this book so much....

I know mostly i am not making sense.. but I know i love this book.. even if i don't know why i love it [:)]
meena iyer
There are some words that are meant to be said but yet you wont say it.. be it for any reason... may b u love them too much blah blah.. but they r meant to be said... and hence when you dont say it.. u feel suffocated.. this suffocation leads you to swallow the words that you want to say... slowly the relation becomes hard to continue.. long silences that erstwhile meant comfort soon becomes choking.. we find reasons to not be with each other.. not to talk.. soon it becomes a habit.. this mutual avoidance...

and one fine day the relation that was a rock support.. the safe harbor... is abondoned... is dead...

this slow painful death we prefer.. this pain of knowing consciously that we avoid and are being avoided .... we prefer that to a momentary sharp pain of honesty... which can b later on cushioned with love..

Why?
meena iyer

Sometimes.. especially when you have something better to do.. you mind drifts into few pockets of unexplored stupidity.. I had a similar experience and I came up with this particular incredibly dense but plausible thought....


Few years down the line... when having a dog becomes serious business we would have dog pounds in the mall and... along with that someone called a dog counselor... This person would grill you for lot of personal information as in how many ppl r at home... wud the dog be alone for long.. where do u stay where will u keep the dog etc etc.. and acc to our needs wud suggest us the breed..

and ofcourse charge us for it :)


when this idea catches the rage.. we wud then improve it to mean.. to buy a dog of a particular breed and a particular sensibilities....

And then the so called dog breeders wud start breeding dogs of certain sensibilities.. that wud soon become a matter of symbol to have dogs from a particular breeder..

Custom dog breeding and dog counseling.....

The kids wud b counseled differently and parents too to buy a dog....

Lets say a girl wanna buy a "Labrador" the counselor obviously say no.. reason : girls wud love a dainty dog better"
but miss Cassie has a lab i want it too

But labs are messy.. soon u wud grow old .. u can use your doggy as fashion accessories.. remember legally blonde?

*sigh*




So poor lab has to wait for someone else... and ofcourse the dogs that r not sold goes to the common pound.. like a jumbo sales with one free with other offers.. and damn cheap.. for the poor folks..

Bah!
meena iyer
I have been wanting to explore this side of spectrum since long.. however somehow things never crystallized... to something worth talking about...

I remember initially when i started to blog.. I wanted this to be a true account of all my unruly feelings that I keep locked.. somehow things changed.. and it became more of an abstract thoughts.. there was a time when i made it funny even.. a long time back... Also, I started to expect comments from people .. expected them to read...


And then i started to write poems... and then the need for comments which was a silent appeal turned into demands... I craved for them..

However, while doing that.. I somehow lost the pleasure I derived from it.. when an anonymous person decides to comment on mine.. its more of a genuine comment..

Now the state is such that I still demand comments from some.. however, I dont feel elated coz of it.. it seems more of an routine kinda comments...

May b its time to recycle.. may be i shud turn of commenting....